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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU about my MIL

112 replies

sowhatusernameisnttaken · 04/08/2017 15:56

My child has been a good sleeper from day one which I put down to a good routine and being consistent. Every night he pushes it bit because I've never given in and remained firm we have never had any issues with sleep.
He was also quick to potty train. The first couple of weeks even month were really intense and hard work.
He's been with me every day practically since birth yet my MIL says I've been lucky that he happens to be a good sleeper and that I was lucky with his toilet training. Zero credit for all the hard work I put in to raising him or anything I may have done and it really pisses me off. Am I being OTT. I don't really like her so it's difficult to have perspective on the issue!

OP posts:
Trustmeimadoggroomer17 · 04/08/2017 19:51

Egnore mil and everyone else, you've put 100% in and never give up. It's all down to you. My DD was a terrible sleeper until we started to be consistent and more assertive. She's now a great sleeper it's not down to luck it's down to me and my DP. Don't let people bring you down

Original poster
sowhatusernameisnttaken · 04/08/2017 19:52

The potty training was done mostly over one weekend (2 days) but a system kept up for 7 days but it felt like a month of routine around it until I forget that oh yeh he's really potty trained now I don't even need to think about it.

It's NOT a stealth boast - he's hard work in loads of other respects - his diet is limited to about ten foods for instance so I've not aced the whole food thing in any way whatsoever. I just thought got MIL was rude and yes - passive aggressive to say the sleep and potty training were sheer luck.
He didn't magically sleep from day one, it was routine and even now he pushes it so it's still hard work now he's 3. I'm just saying perseverance and hard work (that's what it's felt like) have paid off in this 2 cases and whilst there may well be an element of luck it surely is not ALL luck.
I am not comparing to anyone else, it's just how I see my own case.

OP posts:
smileygrapefruit · 04/08/2017 20:04

A newborn cannot be put in to a routine. I am on dc 3 now, she's 3 weeks old and for the last week I thought I'd try starting a bedtime routine. Nahhhh, she's still cluster feeding from 7pm til midnight. Dc1 had her days and nights the wrong way round and there was nothing I could do about it til she was a bit bigger and she then didn't sleep through til 3 yo and dc2 slept brilliantly from newborn with a couple of night feeds. They are all different!!

smileygrapefruit · 04/08/2017 20:06

So sorry...you were lucky. If you'd had a terrible sleeper and you managed to turn them in to a good sleeper then that would be different.

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2017 20:40

If it's still hard work then you do have issues with sleep........

Original poster
sowhatusernameisnttaken · 04/08/2017 21:04

bert He sleeps 7.30-7amish so he does sleep...so not sure of your point

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 04/08/2017 21:16

You said that it was still hard work getting him to sleep.....

SpartacusSaiman · 04/08/2017 22:40

He was also quick to potty train. The first couple of weeks even month were really intense and hard work.

How does that translate into

The potty training was done mostly over one weekend (2 days) but a system kept up for 7 days but itfeltlike a month of routine around it until I forget that oh yeh he's really potty trained now I don't even need to think about it.

That 2 differenr stories op. Maybe mil has picked up on you changing stories and is trying to be diplomatic.

mybabydoesntsleep · 04/08/2017 23:13

I'd say you're lucky!!! I've done all the same, been consistent from day one, and my baby still wakes 3/4 times every night at 14 months old - sometimes more!!!

HiJenny35 · 05/08/2017 01:50

I don't think you are being unreasonable.
Yes some children are harder than others but also some parents are better than others and people just don't want to say that. People have different strengths. People have a different skill base and different life experiences that they bring to parenting. I was a teacher, first in primary schools and then in a special needs school for children with profound and multiple needs for 12 years before having children, I knew loads of techniques and the ideas behind these and that put me ahead. I'm a rubbish partner, I drive my other half bonkers, I'm awful at directions and geography, my timekeeping is piss poor, I hate putting on make up and find social situations like meetings or parties hideous but I love spending time with children would happily spend all day everyday with just my kids and I'm a really good mum (in my opinion however everyone has a different idea of what a good mum is) I love making and craft and cooking and parks and role play and developing boundaries, that's not bragging that's just what I'm good at and there's loads of other stuff that I'm rubbish at. You keep going OP as long as you are proud of your parenting milestones then don't worry about what mil says.

AlwaysNeedTea · 05/08/2017 06:21

A good sleeper from day 1 isn't down to routine! My baby is 8 weeks old and has been a great sleeper, she woke twice a night for 4 weeks, dropped it to once for a couple of weeks, and now sleeps 10/11 hours at a year. That is luck, I have done nothing to encourage this. We have no kind of routine at all.

Potty training taking a month isn't easy, sounds like your child wasn't ready. My older DD took 3 days and since those initial 3 days she has never had an accident. Because I waited until she was ready and didn't force the issue.

YABU and making life harder for yourself than it needs to be

AlwaysNeedTea · 05/08/2017 06:22

10/11 hours at a time not a year...

LoniceraJaponica · 05/08/2017 07:11

How do you get an 8 week old to sleep for so long? DD never ever slept for that long in one stretch at any age.

She was a small baby and needed regular feeding, and she was breastfed and would cluster feed all evening.

ToastyFingers · 05/08/2017 07:42

Potty training was intense and difficult, your DS still 'pushes it' when it comes to sleep and has a severely restricted diet?

I think your MIL was just being polite as it doesn't sound too great to me.

Fwiw DD1 woke every 2-3 hours and demanded milk until about 18 months, now at 3, she goes to bed at 7 and sleeps until I get her up on the weekends, usually around 8:30.
Also, she had quite extreme sensory issues surrounding food and ate mostly baby food until she was almost 2. She'll now give anything a go.

Having an easy baby doesn't make you a good parent, having a challenging one, and rising to the challenge gets you far more points in my book.

wordy17 · 05/08/2017 08:01

Op I'm sorry but you were lucky. My first one was like yours and I honestly thought it was because I was following the text book exactly. Then I had my 2nd baby and....o dear she was difficult, then I had my 3rd and the little darling was a nightmare.

junebirthdaygirl · 05/08/2017 08:11

My ds was all that and more. I was sahm breastfed great routine etc. Im glad no one gave me credit for my perfect mothering skills as he turned into the teenager from hell. I then could believe l was just unlucky and it wasnt down to anything l had done. I also couldnt take credit when my other 2 were fine as teens. A lot is duee to personality.
My mil though l was the bees knees as a dm constantly praising me. She had died before she got to see ds pull some of his many stunts as a teen so never got disillusioned.

BeyondThePage · 05/08/2017 08:19

My sister has 5 - all are/were easy, (bed, food, toilet)
my brother 1 - easy,
me 2 - easy,

BIL 2 - easy,

perhaps there is something genetic in there too... mind you, we are all laid back and don't fret the small stuff, so perhaps my "easy" is not the same as others "easy"

user1499786242 · 05/08/2017 08:25

Hahaha this thread is hilarious, actually made me giggle!
Op you're the sort of parent I hate
(Soz)

whinetime89 · 05/08/2017 08:25

😂😂😂 i see it as luck of the draw. 1st child was amazing sleeper but took a while to Toilet train. second a terrible sleeper ( 18 months till he slept through) yet he is Toilet trained before 2.... both had same routine etc so sorry i dont think it is all.down to.your hard work

AlwaysNeedTea · 05/08/2017 10:15

Lonicera - I did nothing to encourage her sleep! Sorry I wish I had an answer. She is formula fed so she doesn't tend to cluster

user1499333856 · 05/08/2017 10:44

Who cares?

This is nothing to get upset over.

Original poster
sowhatusernameisnttaken · 05/08/2017 11:57

Not sure there's any reason to "hate" me user - that's like me saying that I hate anybody who tells me their child eats fruit and veg when mine doesn't! I would just think wow I wish mine would.

OP posts:
Original poster
sowhatusernameisnttaken · 05/08/2017 11:59

From what I've read his diet is completely in the realms of normal I'm just saying it's not massively varied.

OP posts:
smileygrapefruit · 05/08/2017 12:00

But, OP, if someone said "my child eats fruit and veg because I've made sure they do by offering it to them on a daily basis so it's all because of my brilliant parenting" you might be a bit pissed off, no?

Original poster
sowhatusernameisnttaken · 05/08/2017 12:07

No grapefruit I absolutely genuinely wouldn't - I'd think nice one, I wish I'd persevered with meal times and offering different foods then I might have a better eater on my hands.

OP posts:
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