AIBU about my MIL

[sowhatusernameisnttaken]

My child has been a good sleeper from day one which I put down to a good routine and being consistent. Every night he pushes it bit because I've never given in and remained firm we have never had any issues with sleep.
He was also quick to potty train. The first couple of weeks even month were really intense and hard work.
He's been with me every day practically since birth yet my MIL says I've been lucky that he happens to be a good sleeper and that I was lucky with his toilet training. Zero credit for all the hard work I put in to raising him or anything I may have done and it really pisses me off. Am I being OTT. I don't really like her so it's difficult to have perspective on the issue!

I agree with your mil

You WERE lucky. But you do deserve some credit for making the most of it.

I have 2 girls - both were easy to get to sleep, eat any foods and toilet trained easily, both are now teens and are polite, well behaved, helpful and hardworking.

I feel proud and smug because I know I put the effort in, AND because I know I am incredibly lucky too...

I keep the "smugness" inside me when around others though - especially the ones who are convinced it is ALL luck.

It took 1 day to potty traun dd and she wasnt even 2.

Again i thought it was i was the ultimate parent. Again......when ds came along and it took a month to 6 weeks i realised it was again down to dd. Not me.

I had a baby like yours, I have never had a sleepless night in 6 years. It was pure luck though, no colic, no constipation, no allergies and she breezed through teething...very, very lucky.

Incredibly lucky. You cannot put a newborn in a sleep routine, about 7-8 weeks is the earliest you can really start.

You do sound a little smug
Do you think parents of bad sleepers aren't aware of routine???
Also I think a few weeks of hard work is not easy re potty training.

I too had a really good sleeper thanks to a really good bedtime routine which I was very consistent with.

Then I had my second and I realised that it's all bollocks!! Today I would happily sell my children (and the dog) for just one full night of sleep.

I'm afraid YABU, I'm assuming you only have the one child? My two slept very well but it wasn't down to my amazing parenting skills, they love their sleep and still do!

Do you think that parents with kids who don't easily sleep, eat or toilet train well are worse parents than you? It sounds a bit arrogant and you might regret your words when they are older and going through a difficult phase, which they WILL at some point. Of course its good to have boundaries and structure but please don't assume its as simple as that, you'll see!

You were lucky.

My DD was very alert and bright when she was born, and my MIL insisted that we tried to get into a routine quite quickly. My DD was far too alert to be put down and straight to sleep, letalone a rountine. She is a wonderful girl, very bright and sleeps well now at aged 6 but I wasn't lucky with her eating; she is still as fussy as anything.

If I ever have another DC then I might be luckier with the sleep and the eating, or they could be even worse. Whatever the outcome, I wouldn't automatically assume it was all down to luck or the child or routine; it is usually a combination of lots of things. People who have very easy babies ARE very lucky; they often don't realise this until they have another who isn't...

I was a complete hippy dippy no routines no bedtimes sort of mother. I had one who happily went with the flow and one who imposed routines on me!"

Oh, and if you do have another one, a month of hard work is completely unnecessary for potty training-if they'ready it takes a couple of days.

I think Jax has it- you were lucky but also you deserve credit for making the most of it.

FWIW, it took me less than a weekend to potty train DS. That makes me sound smug until I happen to mention that he was not potty trained until nearly 7 .... he has developmental delays and SEN and wasn't ready until then. Once he's ready it tends to be easy.

(He's a great sleeper though thank fuck!).

TBH it's possibly a little bit of both (although SORRY it is probably more down to luck than discipline as routine and sleep training doesn't work if you have a shit sleeper going through a sleep regression- so on balance I would be grateful that you are one lucky woman!)

However, all of that aside, it sounds like you have worked really hard at a routine and are rightly pleased with yourself about that, and your MIL has been a little thoughtlessly dismissive, at best. Does she often take pleasure in raining on your parade?

I think that by saying "it's all down to me" you're implicitly telling people whose kids don't sleep or have difficulty with potty training that they are crap parents.

In my experience (2 kids) what you do as a parent re sleep etc is much less influential than the kids' personalities. I didn't "potty train" at all, btw, so really can't take credit when my kids go to the loo!

(Although I really wish I had lamped the mother from my baby and toddler group who raised her eyebrow and commented 'haven't you sorted that yet?' when she 'caught' me buying nighttime nappies for DS aged well over 6. )

I say luck, I was a nanny for ten years before I had my kids and potty trained a good number of kids. Some it is very easy, others are not at all, no matter what you do.

Some are easy sleepers, others struggle.

Yes there are things you can do to improve your chances but at the end of the day all kids are different.

As above, your baby/toddler sleeping is pure luck. By the time they start school, you have more influence on their routine and your hard work pays off, but there's pretty much nothing to do with you when they are tiny, sorry.

I think you were lucky, with a tad of 'hard work'.

There were Mums like you on my Mum board who were convinced their 'good routine' helped their babies sleep.

Of course non of these had Reflux etc

Although I have to say if anyone dismissed the thought care and attention I put into parenting the way you feel your MIL has I would lamp them too.

(People do though- try having an autistic child.... people blame you for everything. It's very - hurtful really).

I was smug when ds slept through. I assumed it was because of me. He slept through from about 3 weeks to about 4 months. I remember feeling smug when talking to some other mums. It bit me on the arse swiftly after. Then not a proper night until he was about 5.

Hi OP, it is a bit of both, but I would say luck plays a huge part. Otherwise I was the world's most amazing parent for one child and world's worst for the other!!

I would say it is a bit of both. They all come with their own personality. My dgd is generally lovely and easy, but I see the incredible work my dd puts into all this. I'm sure no matter how naturally easy your child is being badly parented wouldn't bring out the best in him.