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Original poster

Step parenting

78 replies

princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:15

Okay I am currently pregnant I look after my daughter full time at home... my partner has a 3 year old son.

There is many things I am noticing that I'm not sure weather my step sons mum is doing or not for example ... his lower lip is beginning to get very saggy and cracked from where he sits with his mouth open ALL the time... so when ever my step son comes over I keep reminding him to close his mouth I just simply say "*name close your mouth darling" and he closes his mouth and put a sad face on. I tell him to close his mouth because in the future I don't want him to have not to sound rude but a big drop lip. I've told my partner he needs to speak to his sons mums about his lips and tell her to keep reminding him to close his mouth my partner ignored me.

He also throws stuff on the floor that he doesn't want for example food he will throw the little banana white strands onto the floor and i once told him to pick it up and throw it into the bin to teach him that's not good my partner told me to "leave him"

Also his teeth he has plaque on them so I've bought him a tooth brush and use my dd tooth paste and make him brush his teeth. I've also told partner to tell his mum to brush his teeth he ignored me.

Once my partner was feeding him and he didn't like the omelette he gave him he just spat it out all of himself and tried to hit the omelette out of my partners hand and my partner laughed and moved his hand so the omelette wouldn't go on the floor and my step son went to his moved hand and tried to hit it again and thought it was funny I stepped in and said U need to tell him he can not do that my partner ignored me.

My partner bought him 6pack of yogurt I said after dinner and my partner blatantly ignored opened one and then fed him the yogurt in my face... after dinner he let his son eat all 5in my face!!!

Also my partner hasn't been spending time with him my partner picks him up in the morning and comes home gives him to me and goes to work as a barber and I take the kids round to the barbers so his son can get his hair cut then after he cuts his hair we all go home and he takes him home no dinner with him nothing he only sees him when his hair is getting cut because he has palmed him off to me this has been happening for about 1 day every week for a month now my step sons mum doesn't even know I'm left with their son by myself. I know she wouldn't be happy.

I don't mind doing it but his son doesn't have manners I tell him to say thankyou he refuses to say it he doesn't cover his mouth when he coughs he is still in diapers and is doing full poos in them that I'm having to change and recently his son has been crying when his dad goes to work and my partner still leaves I really don't know where I stand here

I am seriously fed up of my partner making me feel like I have no say in what goes on in his sons life seriously I feel disrespected when things like this happen.

I don't know what to do with this situation my partner putting his son on me who seems to not been taught anything ... no manners no thankyou please coughs with no hands and poos and wees himself I feel out of control because I have been made to feel like he is not mine so I don't have a say but he's 3 come on ...

I just don't know what to do ?

OP posts:
GirlOnATrainToShite · 03/08/2017 19:16

You are on a highway to hell here OP....

Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:17

What on earth should I do ? I am feeling really stuck here

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 03/08/2017 19:19

When you are in charge your rules. It isn't your pace however to tell your do to tell his ex how to parent their child. I can't really see major problems here other than you thinking you are the best parent!

heateallthebuns · 03/08/2017 19:20

Those things all sound like normal three year old behaviour - except you should not be being left with him all the time, and even though that is normal behaviour you should feel able to discipline him. Problem is with your dp.

Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:21

The problem here is im looking after his child who he is telling me not to inforce rules ... he is three and not telling me he needs to poo ... but he can make up a good conversation about anything else ? I don't think I'm a better parent at all.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 03/08/2017 19:22

His lower lip is getting saggy? A drop lip? Don't be so ridiculous! He's just a baby, give him a break.

A lot of 3 year olds still wear nappies, that's not out of the ordinary.

And your DP can't not go to work just because his 3 year old starts to cry.

Apart from that it seems like your partner is the main problem. If he expects you to look after his son then you need to be allowed to discipline him (to a certain extent), you can't let a 3 year old do as they please. He needs to be spending more time with his son and teaching him manners.

Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:24

I got frustrated once the incident with the yogurt I stated him well with our children if I say they can't sit and eat 5 yogurts in the row they will not be eating 5 yogurts in a row ... I don't want his son to think he can get what ever he wants if I say no he will go to his dad and he will give it that will teach him to disrespect his step mum

OP posts:
Katiekatie37 · 03/08/2017 19:25

I'd stay out of it , nothing you've said sounds really unreasonable , he is only 3. However to stay out of it it's not really fair for you to be doing more of the childcare than your DP, he has come to see him after all.

Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:25

I don't know weather his mum teaches him these things but I feel out of control when I'm looking after him ... I don't expect my partner to not go to work but if he is working why would he take him if he is just going to just palm him of on me

OP posts:
Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:26

Katie no my partner goes out of his way to wake up extra early to go get his son for him to then leave with me !

OP posts:
Unihorn · 03/08/2017 19:27

If you don't have similar parenting styles then you probably should've realised that before you conceived a child with him. How long have you been together?

I do a lot of the parenting of my stepdaughter because of work schedules and my husband and I both agree on what we think should happen 9 times out of 10. He is slightly more lenient than me in some regards but she's his daughter so I leave it unless I think he is being hugely unreasonable.

Your OP didn't make a lot of sense to me bit from what I gathered, he doesn't seem to be acting too differently to most 3 year olds. Is he closer to 4 or 3? There is always a huge change when they first start nursery/proper school anyway.

Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:27

Should I say I'm not going to look after his son if he's not there ? Or should I just keep being kind and allow him round for the day to play with his sister

OP posts:
Unihorn · 03/08/2017 19:28

What does his mother say about it, is she aware that her son is not actually spending time with his father?

Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:31

No she thinks he looks after him that whole time ... he says I'm coming to get him and then leaves him with me for the whole day sees him on journey here and then back that's all

OP posts:
StillDrivingMeBonkers · 03/08/2017 19:34

his lower lip is beginning to get very saggy and cracked from where he sits with his mouth open ALL the time... I don't want him to have not to sound rude but a big drop lip.

I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.

Don't mind me asking, the way you write, there is an inflection, is English your second language? Is the 'drop lip' thing a cultural myth?

Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:35

Also ... I forgot to mention !! Partner hasn't spent no money on his son no new clothes no nappy no contribution his sons mum always used to ask but it's like if she doesn't ask he won't give ... and the other day he bought new babygrows for baby due and dd and he pick up a pack of babygrows on accident aged 3to 3/and half I said oh u may aswell give them to *name (stepson) cause these won't be fitting our dd for a while he said no just put them in her wardrobe she can wear them when she is that age !! I just don't feel comfortable with the situation I don't want to feel like in the future his son will hate us for stuff that his dad is doing not me and our children I don't want jealousy coming

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 03/08/2017 19:36

If he (the DP) is hardly there then you can enforce your standards and rules when he is not there.

Before your joint child is born you definitely need to have a conversation about how the rules will be for all children (your DD, his DS and your joint child) and how there cannot be one rule for one and a different for the other.

He should back you up too. However, the one thing I would say is that there is no point trying to tell the ss mum what she should or shouldn't do. That never ends well.

Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:37

It's very low now I've noticed is gone down allot more since I haven't been saying anything it was no where near that bad . It's like biting nails I would do the same stop biting ur nails or sucking thumb

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 03/08/2017 19:38

You're not worried enough that your DP does not pay maintenance for his son to have a child with him. You realise this could be you in 3 years time?

Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:39

That's his son our daughter we have together and another daughter expecting he treats our daughters different to his own son

OP posts:
Katiekatie37 · 03/08/2017 19:39

You sound like you have a DP issue he sounds rubbish

Genghi · 03/08/2017 19:40

Your stepson sounds like a normal 3 yo. Your DP is right to ignore your parenting advice - he's his son not yours. He is allowed to parent him how he wishes within reason.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 03/08/2017 19:41

The 'dropped lip' thing - I really need to know where this old wives tale stems from.

Original poster
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:41

If he is allowed to parent him and not take my advice then I shouldn't look after him if I can't enforce discipline manners and rules

OP posts:
Genghi · 03/08/2017 19:42

Also I bet your dd is not as good as gold all the time. If your DP can cope with her, you can cope with his son's behaviour. You don't want to get into a situation where you're each bitching about each other's children which I've seen happen.

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