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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Step parenting

78 replies

princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:15

Okay I am currently pregnant I look after my daughter full time at home... my partner has a 3 year old son.

There is many things I am noticing that I'm not sure weather my step sons mum is doing or not for example ... his lower lip is beginning to get very saggy and cracked from where he sits with his mouth open ALL the time... so when ever my step son comes over I keep reminding him to close his mouth I just simply say "*name close your mouth darling" and he closes his mouth and put a sad face on. I tell him to close his mouth because in the future I don't want him to have not to sound rude but a big drop lip. I've told my partner he needs to speak to his sons mums about his lips and tell her to keep reminding him to close his mouth my partner ignored me.

He also throws stuff on the floor that he doesn't want for example food he will throw the little banana white strands onto the floor and i once told him to pick it up and throw it into the bin to teach him that's not good my partner told me to "leave him"

Also his teeth he has plaque on them so I've bought him a tooth brush and use my dd tooth paste and make him brush his teeth. I've also told partner to tell his mum to brush his teeth he ignored me.

Once my partner was feeding him and he didn't like the omelette he gave him he just spat it out all of himself and tried to hit the omelette out of my partners hand and my partner laughed and moved his hand so the omelette wouldn't go on the floor and my step son went to his moved hand and tried to hit it again and thought it was funny I stepped in and said U need to tell him he can not do that my partner ignored me.

My partner bought him 6pack of yogurt I said after dinner and my partner blatantly ignored opened one and then fed him the yogurt in my face... after dinner he let his son eat all 5in my face!!!

Also my partner hasn't been spending time with him my partner picks him up in the morning and comes home gives him to me and goes to work as a barber and I take the kids round to the barbers so his son can get his hair cut then after he cuts his hair we all go home and he takes him home no dinner with him nothing he only sees him when his hair is getting cut because he has palmed him off to me this has been happening for about 1 day every week for a month now my step sons mum doesn't even know I'm left with their son by myself. I know she wouldn't be happy.

I don't mind doing it but his son doesn't have manners I tell him to say thankyou he refuses to say it he doesn't cover his mouth when he coughs he is still in diapers and is doing full poos in them that I'm having to change and recently his son has been crying when his dad goes to work and my partner still leaves I really don't know where I stand here

I am seriously fed up of my partner making me feel like I have no say in what goes on in his sons life seriously I feel disrespected when things like this happen.

I don't know what to do with this situation my partner putting his son on me who seems to not been taught anything ... no manners no thankyou please coughs with no hands and poos and wees himself I feel out of control because I have been made to feel like he is not mine so I don't have a say but he's 3 come on ...

I just don't know what to do ?

OP posts:
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:43

Genghi she is his child

OP posts:
Genghi · 03/08/2017 19:43

Why can't you just be a friend to him. Why must you try to discipline/parent him at all? You and your DP aren't married yet - he's not actually your stepson. You could be the cool adult.

princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:44

The cool adult when a child is throwing food around our house and I can't tell him not to throw the food on the floor ...

OP posts:
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:44

I don't want our daughter picking up on these things

OP posts:
Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 03/08/2017 19:45

What is a drop lip? I have never heard of it.

My granny used to say shut your mouth you're catching flies but I've never heard of a drop lip.

The rest of it. Well. He's 3. He sounds normal.

You have a problem with your partner though.

princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:45

And I just don't know weather to stop it cause his mum doesn't even know I look after him whilst he isn't there

OP posts:
Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 03/08/2017 19:47

He's 3. What age is your daughter with your partner?

Your also pregnant?

That's a lot of kids in sort order.

Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 03/08/2017 19:47

You're

And

Short.

Genghi · 03/08/2017 19:48

Your daughter won't pick up a habit from a child she sees once or twice a week. Chances are your dp's son would have forgotten about it when you next see him. He's 3. You know what she will pick up on though? That you are singling him out.

princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:50

Yes well for me close age gap of kids but he never had a relationship with his sons mum sad I know but they had him.

OP posts:
princessachica · 03/08/2017 19:50

I am hardly singling him out.. he isn't mine to single out he is the one doing this and I don't knoww what to do about it

OP posts:
Out2pasture · 03/08/2017 19:57

did you not notice any of your partners poor parenting skills before you got pregnant with his child?
did you not sense that his child annoyed you prior to taking the relationship further?
you and him seem to have different expectations and different parenting styles.
I doubt your relationship will last.

princessachica · 03/08/2017 20:00

Out2 He is completely different with our children he gets them anything and when me and him first started going out she wasn't allowing him to their son out of spite ... when Partner wasn't allowed to see his son he wanted his son more but now he can have seeing rights he doesn't bother ??

OP posts:
princessachica · 03/08/2017 20:01

He is different with me unborn and dd Han he is with his son... it's like doesn't care anymore ... it's like our dd has taken over all his love and I don't!! Want jealousy at all when is son gets older

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 03/08/2017 20:04

Your husband is a lazy father. I have no idea why you are not getting more supprt here. He is not parenting, you are and he is blocking it. Can you say no to looking after the boy when your partner isnt there? That way you dont have to be battling over discipline and just leave him to it. How old is your dd?

shivermytimbers · 03/08/2017 20:05

I feel really sorry for you OP. You're in a very difficult situation but I think others are right when they say that your step sons behaviour is pretty typical. Also agree that the dropped lip thing is a non issue, so I'd let that go.
What stands out for me is that your partner sounds absolutely ridiculous. He's not working with you in any way to make this situation work and the fact that he doesn't pay for his son speaks volumes to his character.
You need to very clearly and calmly explain your concerns and, in your position, I would insist that either your partner supports you in tackling your step sons behaviour (like the food stuff) or you will adopt the role of a friend to his son rather than act in a parental capacity and he will have to pay for childcare while he works.

princessachica · 03/08/2017 20:06

C0unt I don't think he is a lazy father there is no bond there between them he is so different with our dd it's weird I can't figure it out ... and I can say no but he won't go and get him then and I want him to have a bony with his sisters

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 03/08/2017 20:09

What does he do for his son?

princessachica · 03/08/2017 20:10

Shiver thankyou also it's not the paying for childcare he doesn't have to take his son from his mums his mums a stay at home mum two with a small daughter ... he literally takes him from his mum and puts him on me and has basically said don't tell him what to do let him do what ever he wants ...

Also forgot to mention the he swears aswel my step son swears

OP posts:
princessachica · 03/08/2017 20:13

C0unt he doesn't do anything recently it's been him getting him giving him to me then him leaving then we going barber shop at around 6then him getting his hair cut by his dad then is taking him home!!

He only will buy stuff for example food for his son or nappies if his mum asks which she has stopped doing ...

I bought him a nice pair of Jordan's cause I felt bad I let him choose any trainers and we have never seen those trainers since I don't know if his mums has sold them or lost them or thrown them but ... my partner just said see she don't appreciate noting

OP posts:
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 03/08/2017 20:15

What the fuck is drop lip? You are slagging your partner off big time here and rightly so he is a major tosser. He is treating his son like shit how old is your eldest daughter? You need to run and run now!

Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 03/08/2017 20:18

He's 3. He didn't need branded trainers. 😲😱

princessachica · 03/08/2017 20:19

Lola it's our daughter sorry i didn't mention she is our daughter and we are expecting another girl but he is his son not mine xx

OP posts:
princessachica · 03/08/2017 20:20

Mychild they where only £60 it wasn't a issue honestly x

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 03/08/2017 20:22

the problem here is you dp not his ex or the child

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