AIBU to think this is totally grim

[Pulluptothebumper]

My SIL is not short of a bob or two. She's late forties, no children and 6-figure bank balance. She's also as tight as a duck's arse.

During a chat, she said she her friend was popping over (she won't drive anywhere. Petrol costs money, ya know) to drop off some bras. I assumed her friend had bought them on line for her (she won't pay for internet at home nor will she buy/book anything on line with her card) and was delivering them to her. But, no! These were her friend's old, used bras that she was chucking out and that SIL had begged she give her as bras are too expensive to buy new.
I was horrified but SIL can't see anything wrong with wearing someone else's scabby old second-hand bra that's not even in her size! AIBU to think this is grim???

I see their tightness as a form of greed.

It's not greedy at all, I could claim the very opposite and see pointless consumerism as a form of greed, why buy new when you can reuse second hand items, instead of purchasing brand new things all the time. What about the zero waste movement, it's all about reducing and reusing.

Besides, even if they are wealthy, it might just be a couple of bras but saving money on these sorts of things all adds up over time.

YANBU OP dear lord

BayLeaves, I half agree with you in that I am all for reusing things and not filling up landfill. I totally get that. I just know a few very tight people, and they are not just tight in the sense that they don't buy anything, but they are tight in that they are happy to sponge off other (non-tight) people. Maybe I was projecting and the OP's SIL is not like that, but experience has shown me that tight people generally are. Hence my post.

Agree with zero waste/low consumerism/reduce reuse recycle being a good thing, but I suppose taking second hand things when you can easily afford new is greedy in that there are likely to be many many people who could benefit more than a wealthy person from a free or very cheap item.

Re: mattresses. If a second hand mattress, that could be clean and in good conditon is grim, how grim are hotel mattresses that have been slept on by dozens/hundreds of different people?

I suppose taking second hand things when you can easily afford new is greedy in that there are likely to be many many people who could benefit more than a wealthy person from a free or very cheap item.

That's a very good point. There are loads of charities who collect bras and send them to women in the developing world. Women who need them, i.e. women who don't have 6-figures in savings.

I don't think it's grim, they wash as well as any other clothing. I think it's daft if she is getting the wrong size to pinch pennies as she will end up replacing them if she gets 0 support, double boobs or pinching. I don't get my bras at the charity shop as when I replace my bras its because they're fucked so I don't have time to wait for my size to appear in the charity shop, but that's the only reason.

It's grim I would rather my own underwear than someone else's very grim what is it with people like your sil I agree there's a fine balance between taking care of your money and not getting into debt for luxury items that aren't essentials but really come on no good holding onto your money cause the dead can't spend it once your gone makes me laugh at how ridiculous some people are

There are charities that take second hand bras for women who really need clothes.

A second hand mattress isn't grim either providing that it's not been pissed on and used with sheets. You don't sleep in contact with it and can vacuum most of the surface dust and mites etc off anyway.

My mattress is secondhand and is the best thing I ever bought. I had a new bed but it came with a shitty cheap mattress and used to get terrible hip pain all the time. Didn't twig it was the bed though, until someone suggested it.

So I bought a really good quality mattress from a local secondhand shop - cost me about £90 I think but new it would be in the hundreds. No more hip pain.

I simply couldn't have afforded to buy that quality mattress from new, and have absolutely no qualms about sleeping on one that has been slept on before. What do people think they do when they stay in hotels or self-catering accommodation?

Yes, you're right OP, it is grim!

How far do you go to recycle things.

I watched someone after blowing their nose on a tissue. Laying the tissue out on a windowsill to dry and be re used.

Secondhand clothes - fine
Secondhand underwear - not fine (gross in fact)

I've certainly noticed that when people complain about things being 'grim' or 'rank', they're usually nothing of the kind, but simply decisions about hygiene that don't tally with the OP's beliefs. Something about those two words seems to be associated with an almost hysterical but unwarranted disgust. Strange.

What do people think they do when they stay in hotels or self-catering accommodation?

I put towels between the mattress protectors and the bedsheets, and try not to think too much about it!

Craftsy, forgive me but you can't have always have earned such a low wage to have managed to do all of that. Careful spending it is not.

I used to earn £21k but that was for a job in central London, so my disposable income was much lower. And on top of that, my ex-husband was a decent earner but he's an addict and spent every penny of his money, most of mine and ran up massive debts. I was always extremely good with money on a micro-economic level, but in that situation with my husband the only way I could avoid us being sunk into debt was to stop spending on myself entirely, teach myself macro-economics and start investing every last penny I could.

I bought low, sold high and got us out of hole after hole that my husband sunk us into. It took years and years of this for me to realise I couldn't save him. So I separated from him (after his "relapse" when I was in labour) and it seemed I had enough invested to buy a little house in a so-so area. But as a cash buyer I had other options and I did a few months of research and building relationships and found a fantastic house in a fantastic area with a really, really minor, easy to fix fault that was considered structural making the house unmortgageable. The house was owned by a development company which had gone bankrupt and couldn't afford to fix the fault and the bank was happy to take my extremely, extremely cheeky first offer, even though it only cleared 15% of the outstanding mortgage. So I got my amazing house and fixed it's fault for a little over 75% of my budget, leaving me with a chunk of cash.

So now I have a tiny income in a job that allows me to spend most of my time with my son and work around him entirely. When he's older I have a plan to set up a very particular business on some of my land, which will increase my income, and set me up for retirement. I don't invest anymore because I don't need to take any more risks like that. And I'm having a bit of fun with absolute financial security and more disposable income than I've had since I was 21, while knowing how to make it spread far, far further than I did back then.

Bras arent even expensive unless you are a 30gg or a 40h or some other less common size. Primark sell bras for four quid!

The fact it's a second hand bra itself is not grim. The fact that she is so tight in every aspect is very, very grim.