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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get so bored during the day

124 replies

peachlimeorange · 03/08/2017 13:43

Probably because I am dieting so don't have the 'company' of food!

I wish i could hire someone to talk to sometimes.

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 03/08/2017 15:51

Because women often earn less and if my dh gave up work to look after the dc and i worked we couldn't afford to eat.

RortyCrankle · 03/08/2017 15:53

If you worked and had even a little after paying for childcare it would still be beneficial because you: a) won't be bored; b) keep up to speed with your career, so many SAHPs find they become out of the loop, need to retrain skills, fall several rungs down the ladder when they eventually try to return to work; c) you will presumably be contributing towards a pension.

So any other reason you don't want to work?

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 15:55

Some of us don't have the option of childcare, (or can't afford specialist childcare for additional needs) so it's not a simple choice.

MrsKoala · 03/08/2017 15:59

The childcare for our dc would cost about 39k a year, so i'd have to earn 55k to break even. My last job was 24k.

coddiwomple · 03/08/2017 16:08

Why is it always the women that can't afford to work? It's never the man.

I took (more than) 4 years off to have children. If my DH had become a SAH dad from the first one, that would be at least 3 years with none of us working, with only a few months of paid maternity leave. It's all well and good to demand "equality", but practically that wouldn't work. I needed time off, during and post birth. There's a reason why women are the preferred SAH parent.

SD60659 · 03/08/2017 16:11

*I dont think sd is blaming the op

More a general statement that its ridiculous that it ever makes better financial sense not to have a job*

^ This.

I wasn't blaming anyone for anything. It's the same thing as saying "I'm financially better off if I don't earn any money"

And I made a point of saying I'm sure that's quite accurate, but at the same time it bothers me.

People here can dress it up how ever they like, and no I will not go away - why should I? Because you told me to? (That being whoever said it) and as for whoever said "why don't YOU explain what's wrong with it" - consider it explained.

HipsterHunter · 03/08/2017 16:18

Because women often earn less and if my dh gave up work to look after the dc and i worked we couldn't afford to eat.

Yes quite and I hate it that women are content with having low paid work and prioritizing the male worker.

crazypenguinlady · 03/08/2017 16:19

FFS, what is the judgement with SAHMs!? Take about massive thread derailment!

OK, I can empathise. I'm trying to lose the baby weight and am doing well but definitely need to mindfully avoid boredom snacking! Especially as my baby has suddenly started napping properly that I have a bit more free time on my hands. Thinking of looking at an exercise class one evening a week.

MrsKoala · 03/08/2017 16:20

I'm not 'content' with it. I think it's shit. And I'll encourage my daughter to make different choices, but for now, we still need food.

ConstanceCraving · 03/08/2017 16:22

Dieting is rubbish isn't it OP? All you can think about is what you can't eat!

Could you find an aerobic/yoga class that has a crèche?

ChasingMars · 03/08/2017 16:26

I too find the 'I can't afford to work' comment depressing. I'm not having a pop at the OP at all, but it isn't right that childcare is so expensive and wages are so low that staying at home pays. But then, work gives you so much more than money! I'd be deadly bored too if I didn't work, had two weeks off sick this year and nearly went mad!

What about a bit of voluntary work, local library, school or charity?

howabout · 03/08/2017 16:30

Kinda bothers me that spending upwards of 10 hours a day every day dictated by childcare responsibilities is not considered "work" Shock

RortyCrankle · 03/08/2017 16:34

howabout
Kinda bothers me that spending upwards of 10 hours a day every day dictated by childcare responsibilities is not considered "work" shock

I don't think anyone has suggested it isn't hard work but the OP has said she is bored so it's not unreasonable that people are suggesting she would be less bored doing a job, even if, after paying for childcare, she only made a little amount of money per month.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:35

Yes quite and I hate it that women are content with having low paid work and prioritizing the male worker

Who says we are content with it? We are "content" with being able to put food on the table, and to do so we must "prioritise the male worker".
What would you like us, personally, to do to change that?

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 03/08/2017 16:40

How old are your children, OP, and what did you do before you had them?

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 03/08/2017 16:43

Can you get more working tax credit or some help with childcare costs if you're a working parent earning under a certain threshold?

userblahblahwhatever · 03/08/2017 16:49

Some people on here are so judgemental. OP wasn't asking everyone to discuss her financial or work situation! Ffs she could have been a nurse on shifts or an evening worker. Or more likely has chosen to sahm and wants some support!

Some people just can't help themselves and look for every opportunity to project thoughts from a brain rotted by our government and media.

OP I get where you're coming from, I was sick last week and not being able to eat and drink was a massive joke in my life. Have you tried a bullet journal. Lots of tasks and targets and lists. If you can cope with not eating it, home cooking and baking from scratch for others has kept me occupied and is therapeutic! Lots of recipes online on Good Food website.

You could decorate, rearrange your home quite cheaply. Also I love reading! But a routine helps me the most.

caffeinestream · 03/08/2017 16:50

"Yes quite and I hate it that women are content with having low paid work and prioritizing the male worker*

I don't think many women are content with it, but sometimes, if the bills need paying and the children need food/clothes, you can't AFFORD to have two people working. High-paying jobs in my area are like gold dust and when we have kids, childcare will completely wipe my salary and then some, and we can't afford to lose my salary PLUS the extra £100/200 a month it would cost each month for childcare, commuting, petrol etc.

DP earns more than me - we can afford to lose my income, we can't afford to lose his. And neither of us have jobs where we can work shifts, evenings etc. to enable us not to pay for childcare, nor do we have parents to help out.

That's life for a huge number of people, even if some people on here don't want to recognise that.

LuckyTwiglet · 03/08/2017 16:53

OP does work - she looks after her children. If she says she can't afford to take a job then presumably she's done a cost analysis and worked out is the best and most economical use of her time. What on earth is wrong with doing that?

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 03/08/2017 17:00

it always the women that can't afford to work? It's never the man.

Sometimes it is. It is for us. I work full time, I'm on 16k a year (and we get tax credits).

If DH worked right now, we wouldn't get tax credits and anything DH earned would go straight out to childcare, so we'd be in a worse position. Thankfully DD starts school soon so he can start working and we only have to worry about some mornings and afternoons, as long as he can find a 9-5 job (I work shifts so it would be unmanageable otherwise).

JuicyStrawberry · 03/08/2017 17:00

Wow OP. I don't think this thread turned out the way you were expecting! Smile

Some people just can't themselves Hmm

JuicyStrawberry · 03/08/2017 17:00

can't help themselves

Arealhumanbeing · 03/08/2017 17:01

Did I miss the bit where the OP asked for our thoughts on her employment status?

Jealous much?

OP what would you REALLY like to do with your time? Book group? Gardening club? The local wild swimming group? Walking club?

None of the above cost much and usually happen during the day. Whatever you do, enjoy yourself.

ConstanceCraving · 03/08/2017 17:03

The SAHM negativity on MN is depressing.

ConstanceCraving · 03/08/2017 17:03

The local wild swimming club? What's that? Grin