To go against dh's and mil's wishes on this holiday from hell?

[edgedandtaken]

We are currently in a lovely part of the country that we would not have been able to visit were it not for mil’s generosity. However, I am feeling less than grateful and would dearly love to pack up and go home. Dh works freelance and a couple of contracts have fallen through recently, which has been very bad timing as I am now on maternity leave. He is confident of picking up more work over the next few months, as the run up to Christmas is usually his busiest time and I will be back at work within 6 weeks, so things are tight but not desperate.

Mil insisted on treating us to this holiday, along with other members of the extended family. We were content to go without a holiday this year, but dh hates saying no to her so here we are. We have no accommodation costs, but the petrol costs are very high (don’t even want to add it all up) and with the bad weather we having to spend more than would otherwise have been the case. This is all fine and I know we are hardly in a place to complain.

My problem is mil and her controlling ways. Everyone (8 of us on total) has to eat together for all meals, and dh the dc and I can’t go out without her as she wants dh to do all her driving as we are down a windy road – she has her own car but won’t drive it here, so we are stuck with her at all times.

What has really pissed me off is that there is an attraction here that ds1 really wants to go to – it’s and EH place and he knew it was here before we came away and really wants to go. According to Mil it is far too expensive, ridiculous and a rip off. We drove to it yesterday, I had to bf in the car, and before I had got out, dh, mil and ds were walking back to the car having decided we weren’t going in. I was furious – we could afford it, but apparently the decision has been made and it would be rude to spend the money in front of mil when she has treated us due to our financial problems. Bollocks. She insisted, we hadn’t asked or hinted or anything. It has cost us to get here and now we are here we might as well spend a bit more and let ds1 go to the place he wants to go to. Who drives up to a place and refuses to pay to go in with a child who wants to go in? We had a fucking picnic in the carpark ffs.

To make it worse, tonight we are booked to go to a restaurant (well-known chef), which, to my mind, is far more of an extortionate rip-off than the place ds wanted to go to. It’s mil’s treat apparently, but I fucking hate seafood and it’s no treat for the dc here.

Wib to get chips for the dc and me and take him to the attraction tomorrow despite what dh/mil say?

If it's EH - join. We joined last summer and they didn't take the direct debit until the beginning of November. I know this is slightly missing the point of the thread but would help you out if you will have more available income after the summer.
Good luck 🍀

OP did you go to the castle? did you NOT go to the restaurant?

Cannot understand MILs/DPs like this. My MIL paid for us to go on holiday with her a couple of times - and then babysat a couple of evenings so DP and I could go out to supper. Ten years later when we could afford it, we took her on holiday with us a number of times. Not that she expected it or that it was a quid pro quo, but her delight (she was elderly and widowed by that time) was wonderful just as ours had been years earlier.

Your MIL sounds like my DP. Refuses to spend any money on parking, so we go a place and spend half the day driving round finding free parking, and then walking for hours to the venue. Then he moans about the price to get in, even if I offer to pay because the DCs and I want to go. Tries to control everything - makes holidays bloody miserable.
I agree with not spending a fortune in 'big name' restaurants tho - it only ends up in the loo!!!

I agree with other poster that a holiday is not an opportunity to exert control. Sounds very passive aggressive to me and very rude to make a decision not to go into an attraction without consulting you. If you go with your dc, you will a) get away from her and b) demonstrate your refusal to be walked all over.

How did it go?

"He has gone a bit sulky and says it will look like a criticism of mil - as if we are accusing her of being mean"

Well duh. That's because she WAS being mean. And it IS a criticism of her meanness, because who DOES that to a child?

Your H is ridiculous.

I may be projecting slightly though, as mine is, although not quite as bad, more ready to offend me than his mother. We all went away for a long weekend break to meet up with his mother and her friend - to a place I have been before but he hasn't - and once there, it was all "oh Mum said we're doing this" etc. I agreed to half of it, and said No to the other half because hey, there were things I wanted to do as well. But my DH isn't quite as bad as yours, as I said, and so we did the things I wanted to as well after I got annoyed about it.

Hope you and your DS enjoyed the EH place. :)

Have you looked at EH annual pass? You can take up to 6 kids FREE on it and if you visit just 2 or 3 in a year( depending which ones) you'll have made a saving.
Definitely go - just say it's something you really wNt to share with DS whilst you are in the area and he's at the right age and you're not willing to miss out and they are welcome to come - or not - as they please.

Not at all place marking to find out how this went

YANBU. Gratitude doesn't mean servitude.

I had a very similar situation to this. It was my Dads 60th, and my Mum wanted all of us (Me, DH, my 2 DC, aged 5 and 3 at the time, my brother and his wife) to go to my Dads home city for the day. She paid for the fuel to get there (3 hours away), and wouldn't take no as an answer when I declined because we had no spending money, nothing, and said we could pay her back. So we went.

My Dad wanted to do one thing ( a boat ride, about an hour or so) When we got there my Mum started insisting on going to a shop so she could buy something, my brother wanted to go somewhere, my sister in law somewhere else. The shop didn't have what Mum wanted, so we had to walk around for ages, we had to skip lunch (bare in mind we had 2 fairly little children) to get to where my sister in law wanted to go. I then got moaned at for letting my children watch/interact with a bubble blowing performer guy while the others argued over where we were going next.

We had to split off in 2 groups to do everything, and I got looks and tutting when my children were getting ratty. We got to the docks for my Dad where there was yet another debate over what to do, and it was suggested we not do the one thing my Dad wanted to do on his birthday. Over the course of the whole day DH and I stayed quiet, didn't argue, shook off the tuts and moaning. We got to the main station (to get back to the park and ride) and my children were starving, tired and bored. My Mum (baring in mind I was going to be paying her back) then out and out refused to hand over any money if I was going to buy my children a McDonalds. She wanted them to have bread rolls as she knew there was nothing else they would eat. They hadn't eaten, and we still had a long drive home. I ended up completely losing my temper, shouted at her in a very echo-y station, pointed out I hadn't spent anything, and how my children needed more then a bread roll especially with no lunch, she coughed up.

My advise to you, even if someone has been kind enough to give/lend you money that does not give them any right to control what and how you deal with your children. If you feel you can afford it, and not doing it will cause you to dwell on the whole thing, put your foot down, be clear about what you want and why, and do it!

Do it!!!

Quick update - bf while on phone. I took ds today and we had a lovely time. Well worth the money- I let them talk me into the annual membership and I'm sure we'll get our money's worth. Just makes me crosser that he nearly didn't get to go.

I went to the meal last night - just felt t would have been churlish not to. It went like I knew it would and I'm starting to feel a bit put upon really. I loved everyone's comments about ordering more wine etc but just couldn't do it.

Things are frosty with dh and mil and since I got back this evening I have kind of stayed out of the way. I'm afraid I was cowardly this morning and set off early this morning before she got up -that's another annoyance in fact as she takes ages to get going, which is fine, but annoying when we have to wait and dc are raring to go at the crack of dawn.

So now I'm hiding up here - dd prob had enough and could be put down but I'm happy where I am.

Well done. Stand up for yourself and it gets easier with time x

Great stuff, OP, well done!
The dawn getaway was a nifty trick!

Why is your DH being frosty?

Just get on with relaxing, be normal and friendly with MIL, etc.

Well done OP for standing firm. Life's far too short and baby only little once! Sounds like you handled yourself with grace at meal too. They'll either respect you more for sticking to your guns or back offa bit in the future - hopefully both . Hope your DH job stuff all works out and you have many hassle free holidays ahead!

Well done, so glad that you took the DC and had a good time!
MIL has probably been bending your H's ear about you - wait until the "holiday" is over and you're back home before you open that can of worms.
And then let rip. xx

It feels like we're all stuck in Cornwall with the god awful pils this week

Well done for doing your own thing!! You won't regret it and they'll defrost at some point. Doing everything together just makes everything worse. We all have different ideas of what's 'reasonable' which is why the primary school group thing can be agony.

Well done you!

And I can tell you now, your DS will remember this day even when he is an adult - long after the over-priced fish and thimbleful of wine are forgotten in the mists of antiquity.

Well done! I'm completely over invested in this, I know, but I'm so glad your DS got to go. These things are fantastic for kids and can spark a lifelong interest. Membership for these things is always good value; if you go three or four times it pays for itself and the beauty of it is that it allows you to pop into places for an hour and try them without having to commit to a full day with small children.

Your DH is being frosty? Because his son got to do an educational thing that he really wanted to do? Let him.

And I can tell you now, your DS will remember this day even when he is an adult - long after the over-priced fish and thimbleful of wine are forgotten in the mists of antiquity.

Well said!

Aw wow what an awful situation for you, but please take your son. Like someone else said, say your going & that's it - would they like to join you. have fun.