To go against dh's and mil's wishes on this holiday from hell?

[edgedandtaken]

We are currently in a lovely part of the country that we would not have been able to visit were it not for mil’s generosity. However, I am feeling less than grateful and would dearly love to pack up and go home. Dh works freelance and a couple of contracts have fallen through recently, which has been very bad timing as I am now on maternity leave. He is confident of picking up more work over the next few months, as the run up to Christmas is usually his busiest time and I will be back at work within 6 weeks, so things are tight but not desperate.

Mil insisted on treating us to this holiday, along with other members of the extended family. We were content to go without a holiday this year, but dh hates saying no to her so here we are. We have no accommodation costs, but the petrol costs are very high (don’t even want to add it all up) and with the bad weather we having to spend more than would otherwise have been the case. This is all fine and I know we are hardly in a place to complain.

My problem is mil and her controlling ways. Everyone (8 of us on total) has to eat together for all meals, and dh the dc and I can’t go out without her as she wants dh to do all her driving as we are down a windy road – she has her own car but won’t drive it here, so we are stuck with her at all times.

What has really pissed me off is that there is an attraction here that ds1 really wants to go to – it’s and EH place and he knew it was here before we came away and really wants to go. According to Mil it is far too expensive, ridiculous and a rip off. We drove to it yesterday, I had to bf in the car, and before I had got out, dh, mil and ds were walking back to the car having decided we weren’t going in. I was furious – we could afford it, but apparently the decision has been made and it would be rude to spend the money in front of mil when she has treated us due to our financial problems. Bollocks. She insisted, we hadn’t asked or hinted or anything. It has cost us to get here and now we are here we might as well spend a bit more and let ds1 go to the place he wants to go to. Who drives up to a place and refuses to pay to go in with a child who wants to go in? We had a fucking picnic in the carpark ffs.

To make it worse, tonight we are booked to go to a restaurant (well-known chef), which, to my mind, is far more of an extortionate rip-off than the place ds wanted to go to. It’s mil’s treat apparently, but I fucking hate seafood and it’s no treat for the dc here.

Wib to get chips for the dc and me and take him to the attraction tomorrow despite what dh/mil say?

Absolutely. Its your holiday too. Tell her she will be able to focus on other family members while you go where you want. Let us know how it goes

It's such a shame when others use their "generosity" to high jack your holiday - it's not your holiday any more is it? Sounds like she just wanted a chauffeur and to show off her control over your family?! Not sure what I would do, depends on how fractious the end result would be if you just jacked it in and went home...

I'd totally be getting chips and going to the place they wouldn't go in, mostly because you dont take a kid where they want to go then dont let them in - that's just nasty, so would want to make it up to the kids, but inside i'd be sticking two fingers up and blowing raspberries at controling mil by going AWOL 😂 i bet a chip supper would give her a heart attack too. GO! Sneak off at the crack of dawn in stealth mode, grab coffee and a bun for breakfast once free, turn phone off and enjoy. They get hammered later so you cant here her hysteria or see her death glare if she's the silent type.

Kids are kids for a short time, she however has the rest of her life to be a controlling whatsit.

I hope you went/ are there!

Yes! Take your son and go to the attraction. Your husband has put his mother before his child and that is not ok. Just tell your husband that you, your son and the baby are taking the car and going tomorrow, and he is can do something else with his mum (in her car) to save on entry fees to the attraction you are taking DS to. One adult and one child. No need to be mean about it -- he will get the message. And you will feel better after a day away from your MIL, enjoying a fun time with your son.

Jamie Oliver's 15/Rick Stein's (both not cheap!) and the Eden Project? If you've made the journey down there at least go to the Eden Project!! You can go to a decent restaurant any time!

Spouse and I opted not to go to one of the Rick Stein places in Padstow recently - and those who did go said it was rather overpriced for what it was. The local pubs all served where we were - Boscastle - all served really good fish dishes anyway.

Go! Your husband sounds like a real Mummy's boy in this instance, and your MIL is totally out of order.

I'd have handed the baby over, marched him back and gone in. You haven't got a time machine, obviously, so I'd be taking him back asap!

Hi, presumably you can drive and take your son to the EH place and your husband can spend time with his mum and the other child/ren? I think you have at least two cars with you.

Win win win, I would have thought.

Have just come back from a week with adult children, grandchildren and two sets of in laws. One set of in laws constantly moaning about how expensive things were but nevertheless have four + holidays a year. And don't get me started on how controlling they were! BUT we didn't spend ALL of our time together, and think we all had a reasonable time .... all things considered!

Hope it goes well and put it down to experience 🌺

If it is Tintagel I hope you managed to get in today OP. My d parents were there yesterday and it was closed due to high winds and rain.

Hope you've had a fab day with your ds away from your miserable MIL.

Your DH has gone a bit sulky? Is HE the child here?

Tell him to grow the fuck up about going against his MIL. Take your son to the sodding castle. The MIL is a twat for driving to it and then saying no we're not going in.

After the fact I know, but anyway I do hope you've gone, and had a great time.

Gosh this reminds me of my ex. Control control control. Hope you do take DS it's not his fault. Partner siding with MIL? Treat them the same. Yes it hurts but it won't ger any better or worse. If it gets worse get a break away from partner.

He has gone a bit sulky and says it will look like a criticism of mil - as if we are accusing her of being mean

Well it sort of is a criticism of her: and that's ok. She behaved appallingly and he needs to pull himself together.

I hope you've enjoyed the castle with your DH today, OP.

And if you do go to dinner with everyone tonight, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF MN, order a second bottle of wine for yourself!

Then tell your DH you're done with his pathetic, spineless ways when it comes to his mum and to man up and advocate for his family.

I hate when you're caught off guard by ridiculous things like this, then sit stewing over why you didn't say anything.

did you go OP?

Did you get to Tintagel? If you took out EH membership and you are here for the next week, try and go to Pendennis (Tues and Weds I believe!) when they do a medieval joust which is loads of fun. We go every year. I live about half way between Tintagel and Pendennis - was at Tintagel the other day doing their hands on history activities. It was brilliant. Didn't even make it round the castle but as my kids enjoy it we'll go back (only just added EH membership to our National Trust membership).

OP please come back and up-date us? how did the day go? Hope you and DS had a brilliant time. Let us know? xx

Hope you got to the castle OP.

Who dose that to a GC!!!! Drive up to a place and then say it's too expensive. I would say DS would rather go to X place then the meal so we won't join you tonight and use that money to go out instead. Think that was poor of your DH to do that to his DS for the sake on not offending his mother

My parents paid for me and my daughter to go to Florida with them because I couldn't afford a whole holiday. Whilst we were there they drove us to really expensive theme parks which I paid for and then picked us up! They treated us to meals but discussed where we should go all together. They treated us as equals despite them paying. Am not boasting, but just trying to point out this is how generous kind parents who are genuinely trying to treat you behave. Their grandchild was also at the heart of decisions. I really feel for you and hope you took your son to the castle. I would go somewhere cheaper on your own next holiday too.

Hope you've had a nice day out!

Did you go?!

Edgeandtaken please buy the book 'Toxic in laws' by Susan Forward, read it and start playing the game. It's sick to upset a child, if it was intentional and to get at you, my dd was treated in this way by my Pil's for years before I worked it out. Don't let her come between you all. Read the book, get your head round the mind f*ery of family life with in-laws, you'll feel so much less angry when you have and can start to play her. Come on you can do this. She's trouble making, I've had 17 years of this bs. Money / holiday giving, unequivacable emotional expectations being demanded in return, it's toxic as the book says. Take back control of your family. She is only getting older and quite possibly more vulnerable which is why she's trying to control. You won't always have to live with her involved in your husbands life like this, take heart. Been there got the t-shirt and living to tell the tale, it does get easier!