To go against dh's and mil's wishes on this holiday from hell?

[edgedandtaken]

We are currently in a lovely part of the country that we would not have been able to visit were it not for mil’s generosity. However, I am feeling less than grateful and would dearly love to pack up and go home. Dh works freelance and a couple of contracts have fallen through recently, which has been very bad timing as I am now on maternity leave. He is confident of picking up more work over the next few months, as the run up to Christmas is usually his busiest time and I will be back at work within 6 weeks, so things are tight but not desperate.

Mil insisted on treating us to this holiday, along with other members of the extended family. We were content to go without a holiday this year, but dh hates saying no to her so here we are. We have no accommodation costs, but the petrol costs are very high (don’t even want to add it all up) and with the bad weather we having to spend more than would otherwise have been the case. This is all fine and I know we are hardly in a place to complain.

My problem is mil and her controlling ways. Everyone (8 of us on total) has to eat together for all meals, and dh the dc and I can’t go out without her as she wants dh to do all her driving as we are down a windy road – she has her own car but won’t drive it here, so we are stuck with her at all times.

What has really pissed me off is that there is an attraction here that ds1 really wants to go to – it’s and EH place and he knew it was here before we came away and really wants to go. According to Mil it is far too expensive, ridiculous and a rip off. We drove to it yesterday, I had to bf in the car, and before I had got out, dh, mil and ds were walking back to the car having decided we weren’t going in. I was furious – we could afford it, but apparently the decision has been made and it would be rude to spend the money in front of mil when she has treated us due to our financial problems. Bollocks. She insisted, we hadn’t asked or hinted or anything. It has cost us to get here and now we are here we might as well spend a bit more and let ds1 go to the place he wants to go to. Who drives up to a place and refuses to pay to go in with a child who wants to go in? We had a fucking picnic in the carpark ffs.

To make it worse, tonight we are booked to go to a restaurant (well-known chef), which, to my mind, is far more of an extortionate rip-off than the place ds wanted to go to. It’s mil’s treat apparently, but I fucking hate seafood and it’s no treat for the dc here.

Wib to get chips for the dc and me and take him to the attraction tomorrow despite what dh/mil say?

The EH place you're planning to take your DS to sounds fantastic and it's really refreshing and nice to hear of a young boy wanting to do something like that rather than just sit staring at a screen all day. It will be fun, educational, exciting and a lovely experience for him... I'd never begrudge spending good money on something like that. Mind you I love castles! :-)

Take him and enjoy the day! I hope your DS has an amazing time. It's cruel to take a child to a place they're desperate to visit and then walk away.

Am tempted to say when you arrive at the restaurant tonight, let your MIL sniff the food aromas, then drag her away saying 'it's too expensive and a waste of money, you can just look from the outside'

I think your MIL is being unreasonable, basically deciding what is a treat and what isn't. My DM often treats her dc/dgc to trips and in this situation she would look at it as her paying for the holiday so that you could do things like the EH attraction. Also of course to enjoy your company, and just as you going off all day everyday ignoring her would be rude, her not giving you some flexibility and freedom is rude. I find it odd that she would rather spend the money on something she considers important like an expensive meal, than on a valid educational and enjoyable treat for her grandson. You should definitely take your DS, and if anyone brings up money just say you are happy to skip the meal tonight. One adult absent at one meal is hardly being antisocial.

You don't have to go to the restaurant. Tell them you will stay home with the kids so that they can have an adult meal without the interruptions and early night the little one would cause.
That way you are still the good guy.

If you are going to Rick Stein's main restaurant in Padstow make sure you ask for the Vegetarian menu. The A La Carte only has one meat main course, all the rest is fish. I was there a few months ago.

I wish people would stop going on about the restaurant. The op is clearly saying if the mil can afford to throw away money on something she and her kids don't even want she should be able to spend her own money taking her son to a castle.

Have fun tomorrow op!

Loving KurriKurri's suggstion. Please do this OP

confrontation is difficult i think you should deliver th news to mil rather than rely on your dh to do it ( not that you were) just that spineless dh's tend to back down and fudge some bull shit

Well done OP. Now you have to see it through. I would speak to MIL before meal and just ask if she's sure as not really suitable for your DC and that you'd happily go for fish and chips(and a bottle of wine in peace back at the accommodation while MIL is still out and the DC are in bed!!) See what she says.

Ha ha Kurri nice one!

Tell mil to not bother with the restaurant for you or DC as you'd rather go to the EH site.
And then enjoy a lovely cream tea afterwards.
And deliveroo dinner whilst they're out with a while bottle of wine for yourself.
Win win win win.

Actually, hope you are going to a different restaurant as they dont allow babies in the main Steins one. Its on their website.

You absolutely have to go op!

I don't know how you have managed to stand a whole holiday with your MIL morning, noon and night. I would be in meltdown, but you have go this far and have done so well.
Tomorrow I would make it YOUR day and stuff it! You are going to have to enjoy the response and see the humour in it....and know we are all there in spirit at least championing you on. Make sure to bring back a postcard for her to keep as a lovely memento of your holiday - kind of wish I was a fly on wall at your place tomorrow. :)
Being a doormat is never any fun!

I thought the RS F&C were overpriced amd undercooked, myself. Perhaps eating them on the floor of the car park or the 45 minute wait tempered my view I hope the restaurant is better. But wouldn't it be nice for you to have a night in with the DC while MIL and DP go off and have a cosy romantic meal together?

I've had RS fish and chips and the fish was the best I've ever had... the chips were the worst! It was like all the end bits that are normally thrown away. Still worth it though

Well done OP, stand firm.

We holiday with IL since dd1 was a baby and we all have a good time. We usually hang out a bit during the day and have dinner together but my IL are lovely and hide any dislike of me they might have

I absolutely would never do it again in your case OP.

Enjoy the EH visit tomorrow

RS is overpriced and he has taken over Padstow or Padstein as it's now known. Far better off with a pasty or F&C from elsewhere imo.

Yes it's all about the pasties... The butcher makes them in the town we always visit and gives us lots of raw ones to bake ourselves! Food of the gods.

My poor DH spent all his childhood holidays going to the gate of attractions and never being allowed in as his Dad deemed them too expensive. I don't know why they bothered and they're not short of a bob or two either. We now spend our holidays actually going inside places he was never allowed in. Take your DS and stuff them!

He has gone a bit sulky and says it will look like a criticism of mil - as if we are accusing her of being mean.

Oh good heavens, that's so weak! Says a lot about how huffy your MIL must be if anyone derogates from her Glorious Plan.

Bit of cod psychology here, but I've just looked up the castle prices. £8.40 for an adult, £5 for a child. Cheaper for a family ticket/OAP. The issue isn't that your MIL thinks it's a rip off. She just doesn't want to go. There's no way that anyone who thinks £20-odd for a family ticket to a well recognised historical site is a rip off would pay £££ for a celebrity chef restaurant meal. It just doesn't make sense.

So how about this. Say "MIL, I know you didn't fancy the castle, but it's what DS really, really wants to do while he's here. It'd really be the icing on the cake of what's been a really super holiday you've given him (barf) And having looked at it and reflected on it, I think it'd be a great experience for him. So educational. I'd really like to encourage him to take an interest in history rather than just sitting in front of a screen all day. And I'm sure you'd like to have some time with your son too. So - why doesn't DH drop me off with the kids at the castle for an hour or so, and you and DH can go and have a lovely coffee (or whatever) together."

And smile. Give MIL the get out and the chance to do something she probably does want to do. And have a lovely time taking your DS on his own....

I would definitely take DS to the castle - just because she paid for the cottage does not mean she has to get her own way all week. If there are 8 in your group can't MIL spend a day with the others if she thinks it too expensive? Or can't you leave her with DH?

I just don't know what sort of mean granny denies her grandson something like that! My Mum gladly traipsed round all sorts of truly terrible and criminally overpriced 'attractions ' that she hated, but was delighted in the pleasure of her grandchildren.

I think she has the touch of the narcissist about her!

Ah, the lovely Cornish weather looks outside to the rain clouds... as for the castles, I'm glad you're taking him. It's definitely worth it. Still not managed to go to Tintagel but it's on my list of places to go to. My nan loved taking me to the NT and EH sites on holidays. She'd pay an arm and a leg to let me go in to all sorts of places.