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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Judgy pants hoiked to the max. Dummy

105 replies

monkeysox · 02/08/2017 11:44

On a train. Child about 3-4 dummy in mouth playing eye spy. Can say letters to guess words t for tango for example.

Get it out of his mouth aibu?

He's not upset or sleepy or young enough to need a dummy. His poor teeth.

OP posts:

grannytomine · 02/08/2017 11:47

One of mine was addicted to sucking fingers, ended up with years of braces and then jaw surgery. I wish I had given them a dummy, does less damage and far easier to stop, you can just take a dummy away but much as I was tempted you can't chop their fingers off.

wirrinboffin · 02/08/2017 11:47

Would you say the same if it was his thumb he was sucking?

booloobalooloo · 02/08/2017 11:48

None of your business. You have no idea what's going on for them and dummies don't hurt you or anyone else. Look elsewhere and get over yourself.

Zoflorabore · 02/08/2017 11:49

My dd is 6 and has a dummy. She uses
It at bedtime as a comfort. Has always had one.
The dentist recently commented how beautiful her teeth are, and they are.

After speaking to her best friend's mum ( who is a specialist ) it turns out that her
Dd's aged 5 and 6 have a dummy too.
Pretty sure there are many dc who have dummies in her school.

So pull your wedgie out of your bum, there are far more important things to judge and my dd was and still is a very advanced talker.

DoingTheBestICan · 02/08/2017 11:52

My ds had a dummy till he was about 9mths old then he just refused it anymore, if you had tried to grab his dummy from him I would have seriously gone apeshit on you.
How dare you, you have no idea why that child has a dummy, he could be using it as his comfort thing, much like you on your phone mning - eh?

Wolfiefan · 02/08/2017 11:54

A baby that needs a dummy for comfort? Fine.
A child old enough to talk? Needs comfort? Find a different one. Not a dummy.

liz70 · 02/08/2017 11:56

DD1 had several a dummyies until she was 4. Her teeth are perfectly straight, she is bright and articulate, and going to uni to study chemistry in a few weeks. So, whatever.

emochild · 02/08/2017 11:56

OP you are absolutely right that dummies can affect oral development and speech

Mine had them, when they stated talking I would say 'ooo I can't hear you with your dummy in' and they would take it out -but that's my family

Each to their own

ArmySal · 02/08/2017 11:58

I don't like it at that age and wouldn't have allowed mine to have one, but, as said, to each their own.

Original poster

monkeysox · 02/08/2017 12:00

Yes would this it about thumb too.
Understand would be hard to stop at bedtime. But I'd discourage it when out and about.

OP posts:

Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 02/08/2017 12:04

None of your business the child could have sn or an ASC or anything

diamond49 · 02/08/2017 12:04

This child is a stranger you know nothing about. I hate dummies with a passion but you cannot possibly make judgmemts when you know nothing about their life

uthredswife · 02/08/2017 12:06

You are being awful. You don't know anything about that child.

My friend has a daughter with SN who still sucks a soother at 4.5. She tries to limit it but the child is severely delayed and it makes it a lot easier to calm and manage her after another scary ambulance ride. Also the child is question is severely speech delayed. Its nothing to do with a soother. Her mother does hours of speech therapy a day with her.

You are very wrong. Just look after your own family and mind your own business

GahBuggerit · 02/08/2017 12:06

How lovely that hes playing eye spy instead of being glued to a tablet :)

I dont judge tablet users btw, just saying its nice.

Dummy - I have no opinion on, none of my or your business, might only have it for a small while at a time. YABU

Ithastobeheinz · 02/08/2017 12:06

I'd rather have a child who had a dummy than a thumb sucker my 3rd ds is 11 and he still sucks his thumb and is nowhere near stopping.
We have tried everything but he just does it at least with a dummy you can throw it away or lose it.

grannytomine · 02/08/2017 12:07

monkeysox do you think people don't discourage it? I spent half my life reminding daughter to take her fingers out of her mouth, painted foul smelling stuff on them, as she got older tried telling her off, tried bribery. Didn't make any difference. The Orthodontist told me that finger sucking is the most damaging.

bigredboat · 02/08/2017 12:09

It's really none of your concern, I don't get why you would be wound up by a random child you don't know having a dummy past the age you think is acceptable

grannytomine · 02/08/2017 12:10

ithastobeheinz, if it helps in the end we had to tape my daughters fingers together so she could put them in her mouth, the trouble is they aren't even aware they are doing it half the time. If you manage to stop it for a few months they lose the reflex or something so don't want to do it again. You could probably achieve the same with taping his thumb down, it seems cruel but with my daughter she was being made fun of at school and she ruined her jaw. Having her jaw broken and reset to correct the damage wasn't pleasant.

Steeley113 · 02/08/2017 12:10

Focus on your own family? Everyone does something that they can be judged about.

VinIsGroot · 02/08/2017 12:11

My DS is 8 tomorrow and still has an Obbie (dummy). He has a rare gene mutation and is severely disabled!
He doesn't eat orally. He gets very little comfort from much else. He loves to chew the plastic and suck the Obbie at nighttime or if he's anxious hell chew the teat.
I don't judge because not all needs are visible.
Neither of my other two had dummies so I don't actually agree with them. A nurse have my son a dummy because he couldn't suck!

I'd always say to find comfort elsewhere. My DD was a thumb sucker and Eldest DD didn't need a comforter.

AztecHero · 02/08/2017 12:11

None of your business I am afraid.

DS did not leave his dummy behind him until he was 5. (His 5th birthday actually). He has severe autism and believe me having a dummy for much longer than random observers thought was normal was the lesser of many evils.

Euripidesralph · 02/08/2017 12:11

Yabu. Ds1 had given up his dummy and was doing brilliantly

Until ds2 was born and he and I nearly died ended up in ICU and special care whilst ds1 was kept away mummy disappeared and his baby brother was seriously ill then as a result within a year our marriage brokedown and the kid had to experience that as much as we tried to make it as easy as possible for him then move to a new area and new childcare

In one year that kids life was turned upside down and he wanted his dummy back at bedtime and on very odd occasions when ill if he has a nap.....want to guess exactly my response to ignorant asses like you who judge?

Worry about yourself and be unbelievably grateful and relieved that you have the time or effort to judge others

JuicyStrawberry · 02/08/2017 12:11

Seriously don't understand why people get so worked up about stuff like this. It doesn't affect you so what's the issue?
Kids with dummies, kids in pull ups, kids quietly on iPads to keep them entertained, kids in prams, kids eating sausage rolls, etc etc...

Grrrrr!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/08/2017 12:12

I was a speech therapist. I hate dummies with a passion!

Once speech begins, dummies should be out of mouths except for naps and bedtimes where they are a comfort tool.

I have worked with children whose speech is horrifically distorted because they have been trying to talk with a dummy in their mouth. I know it doesn't happen to every child, but one is too many.

divadee · 02/08/2017 12:12

I went to the dentist recently for a check up. I had my 6 month old with me who has a dummy. He said oh thank God, please don't let her suck her thumb or fingers. Always give a dummy.

So there you have it. My eldest had a dummy till she was 4. At 19 her teeth are perfect. And she speaks absolutely fine. Always has done.

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