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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Judgy pants hoiked to the max. Dummy

105 replies

monkeysox · 02/08/2017 11:44

On a train. Child about 3-4 dummy in mouth playing eye spy. Can say letters to guess words t for tango for example.

Get it out of his mouth aibu?

He's not upset or sleepy or young enough to need a dummy. His poor teeth.

OP posts:

PsychoPumpkin · 02/08/2017 13:14

I have to confess I raise an eyebrow at children with dummies above the age of about 2, and seeing children in buggies with their knees up to their chin as they are so big for it but then I catch myself and shrug because parenting is a rough ride at times and I can't blame any parent for trying to make life with children a little easier.

im sure I do some parenting that would raise an eyebrow or two anyway!

Ev1lEdna · 02/08/2017 13:17

Funnily enough I just mentioned judgemental ignoramuses on another thread and here you are.

Is it your business?
I'm guessing no. So STFU about it, concentrate on your own life.

My eldest (now in high school) had a dummy to a much later age than is 'society-approved' and it bothered me immensely at the time. Now he is older I know that he has an issue with chewing, an anxiety thing linked to his ADHD, if he had nothing to chew or suck at one point he would literally do it to himself; leaving welts. I didn't know that when he was young, all I knew was the dummy comforted him. No, he didn't have it all the time and yes we did encourage him to take it out of his mouth but I don't know if I would have on a train journey after a bad night/day, I just don't know. You don't know either, you are just making assumptions; about the child's age and the snapshot of their life you have just seen.

For the record my son spoke early with no difficulties, doesn't have a dummy now (but a minor chewing issue which is in hand) and his teeth are fine.

I wish people would stop judging parents. It make parenting twice as hard.

Ev1lEdna · 02/08/2017 13:20

Hint - if your kid is old enough to shave, they don't need a dummy

Do you know many shaving 3/4 year olds?

SumThucker · 02/08/2017 13:21

I don't like dummies but wouldn't judge. I've already received some 'looks' for my 2.5 year old son being in a pushchair, he's ASD so needs it anyway, but is also in the 95% percentile and the size of a 3.5 year old.

ILoveGrammar0 · 02/08/2017 13:21

How exactly is this affecting you?

BonfiresOfInsanity · 02/08/2017 13:26

My DB is a consultant paediatrician and thinks dummies are a good thing for many reasons. My own DCs had dummies, one til they were 3.5 and the other until they were 18 months. Neither have speech or teeth issues. It's just MC snobbery about dummies.

In other matters, my 46 year old friend still sucks her thumb.

DustyCoachroad · 02/08/2017 13:28

if your kid is old enough to shave, they don't need a dummy.

Whaaaa?

I'm not sure you've understood what you've said.

3 and 4 year old don't shave.

Queenofthestress · 02/08/2017 13:29

3.5 year old DS is the size of a 5 year old just about, with the cognitive ability of less than 2 years, he still has a dummy and oh my Lord the amount of people that comment is ridiculous

allegretto · 02/08/2017 13:32

But I'd discourage it when out and about.

So how would you do that exactly? And how do you know the parents aren't doing that? My son had his thumb permanently in his mouth until he was 6. We tried everything short of putting chilli on it or strapping it behind his back (both suggested by people who believed they were experts). I would love to know your amazing solution. BTW he is now a healthy 12 year old with great teeth.

whothefudge · 02/08/2017 13:37

It would make me cringe a bit, got rid of ours at night by 3. I wouldn't get massively upset enough to write a post about it though.

Katastrophe13 · 02/08/2017 13:40

I would probs give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe on a long train journey and doing all they can to keep him quiet/happy. THEy were playing with him, so obviously not parents that can't be bothered to interact with their child.

Cutiemark84 · 02/08/2017 13:41

I really judge people who let their 3 and 4 year olds shave. It's dangerous.

Trustmeimadoggroomer17 · 02/08/2017 13:42

I tried the no dummy since birth lasted 2 weeks due to DD consuming to much milk she then needed it because it was the only thing that soothed her. Two years later she has gorgeous white straight teeth, and her speech development is above adverage. Her dummy is her comfort when she goes strange places like her first dance class, her first time at nursery on her first time on a train. All kids have them for different reasons, not because we as parents like to give them to them for no reason.

turquoise88 · 02/08/2017 13:42

Obviously speech is an issue for some children with dummies, but for me, it's how they look that I don't like. Any child over about 2 with a dummy in - ugh, I just think they look daft.

OP I'm with you, I am judgemental when it comes to dummy use beyond what it was intended for.

GahBuggerit · 02/08/2017 13:50

I dont agree with dummies being used beyond what they are intended for either. Like the time my friend tried to use one on her dog, absolutely NOT its intended purpose funny though

SouthChinaMorningPost · 02/08/2017 14:05

My dentist told me he didn't worry about his kids using dummies, and his youngest continued til he was 5. Reckons there's alot of judgy fuckers about.

My son had it at night only til he was 4 - teeth are perfect. Mind you, he wasnt wandering around ASDA with it in.

waterrat · 02/08/2017 14:09

Yabu !! My 3 year old has a dummy and yes sometimes has it to keep her quiet in situations like a busy train where i migjt be watched and judged if she has a tantrum !

Maybe the kid was very tired and had been crying so was given the dummy to calm down

Maybe the mum or dad was having a really shit day and needed a break and did some easy hit parenting.

Never judge ...

PrimalLass · 02/08/2017 14:16

Obviously speech is an issue for some children with dummies, but for me, it's how they look that I don't like. Any child over about 2 with a dummy in - ugh, I just think they look daft.

Even when you read reasons for them on threads like this? I've learned loads from MN about issues outwith my own little life bubble.

sycamore54321 · 02/08/2017 14:16

Forget the dummy - I am completely live and letice on that one - I want to hear more about the sort of train where the correct answer to "I spy something beginning with T" is "tango".

CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/08/2017 14:41

I would judge if I knew a parent was letting their older child walk around with a dummy in all the time just to keep them quiet or avoid having to say no to them as I've seen the damage it can cause. I worked with a child once who had no sn and was 4 years old and walked around with a dummy in all the time. When he tried to speak you couldn't understand him. We advised the parents that we felt it was getting in the way of him speaking/interacting and they agreed we could remove it in school but he was always sent with it in. After a few minutes of protest when we asked for the dummy we would distract him with something and he would be fine for the rest of the session getting much more involved in play because he could be understood. The dummy was popped back in when he was picked up though before he'd even left the playground. I did judge but there was a lot more to the situation.
I don't think people would judge if they knew a child genuinely needed the soothing of sucking. Maybe there should be products less babyish than dummies on the market for older children with sn.

waitforitfdear · 02/08/2017 14:47

If I am on public transport with random toddlers or anyone of any age I just want them to make as little noise in my presence as possible so dummies great.
Adults bellowing down phones drives me crazy

x2boys · 02/08/2017 15:11

Meh ds2 had a dummy till he was four he's seven now and he's still non verbal but it's fuck all to do with sucking a dummy and more to do with his severe autism and learning disabilities.

MrsChopper · 02/08/2017 15:17

Oh, mind your own business! You don't know their circumstances!

NotEvenListening · 02/08/2017 15:27

I personally don't like dummies and never used them for my girls. Ds 1month has bad reflux and the dummy is comforting and produces more saliva which soothes his pain. I dislike seeing older kids with dummies but it's not something to get my knickers in a twist over, I know nothing about them.

turquoise88 · 02/08/2017 15:28

Even when you read reasons for them on threads like this? I've learned loads from MN about issues outwith my own little life bubble.

They are intended for use with young babies as a comfort. I do appreciate that some older children with special needs may benefit from them for sensory needs also, but the reason many parents still let their children have them beyond a certain age is because they can't get them off them!!

I really do take issue with, for example, the child on the train in the OP. The child was playing a game in which they had to verbally respond and engage in conversation. Why the need for a dummy? Another example - I saw a child in a swimming pool the other day, must have been about 4/5 - with a dummy in. Having a great time! Hollering, laughing, talking. Again, why the need for a dummy?

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