Judgy pants hoiked to the max. Dummy

[monkeysox]

On a train. Child about 3-4 dummy in mouth playing eye spy. Can say letters to guess words t for tango for example.

Get it out of his mouth aibu?

He's not upset or sleepy or young enough to need a dummy. His poor teeth.

I was you and used to judge dummies. But you just don't know what's going on for people.

We adopted our DD earlier this year, and she came to us with a dummy. No way were we going to take it off a child who'd already been through so much and who'd just had her little world turned upside down. Wouldn't have been what we'd chosen if she'd been our birth child but them's the breaks.

We've got some boundaries around it now - it's for pushchair and cot only, so no random roaming around with it. (This is mainly for speech purposes).

Whatever keeps them calm and quiet on public transport can only be a good thing for everyone.

Far far better than the 3 or 4 year old who was driving us all batty entertaining themselves with a recorder on the last train. There was a collective sigh of relief when they got off.

Meh, DC2 is 4 and still has a dummy at night, but also any time she needs comfort, she wants the dummy. So you'd have seen her yesterday walking around the airport with a dummy as she was panicked about the flight home from holiday, as her ears hurt on the way out. Figured being judged by a few people like you was better than a screaming child ruining everyone else's flight.

The child you saw may well normally only be allowed a dummy at night, but the parents viewed a train journey as a 'special occasion' that needed them to be quiet when normally would be shouty and scared. But hey, judge away - I'm sure you'd have judged their inability to 'make any effort to control their child' if he was crying and noisy...

indeed, none of our business.

I would secretly judge too!

Unless something is potentially dangerous, or a SG concern, I find it hard to understand why people judge other parents. Of course we all chose to parent differently, and what one parent thinks acceptable may be horrifying to another. This may just be a child who has been very slow to give up his dummy. However you never, ever know what is going on in other people's lives. You could have seen me and my DS1 and DD out and about on a train when they were 2 and 3. We could well have been playing Ispy. DS1 could have been furiously sucking his thumb (the others had dummies as he was so attached!) and cuddling his blanket, and DD may well have had her dummy in place. What you wouldn't have known was their Dad had been seriously ill for 18 months and subsequently died. The dummy and thumb use were essential in those early months.

We took our DC's dummy away at age 3.5. Six months later she found her thumb and had it constantly in her mouth for the next 8 years. Major orthodontic work required, including a brace that prevented her putting her thumb in her mouth to break the habit (but distorted her speech for six months).

How I wish we'd stuck with the dummy!!

My DSD had a bottle for bed until she was 10! I pointed out that she was going to high school next year and it was inappropriate she'd get bullied if any of her classmates found out.

It's amazing how parents infantilise their children...

I have a 21 year old thumb sucker. We have worked out it is definitely a stress related comfort thing. Personally I suspect DD1 is slightly on the spectrum, though masks well. I think it is a sensory thing.

I didn't let mine have dummies beyond 2 because their teeth had come through. However, I would never never judge someone else over a dummy!! Seriously!

I sucked my thumb waaay longer than i should have. Judgy people like op pushed my mum into taking mine away when i was young...discovered my thumb and sucked it well into adulthood. Still want to sometimes. Years of hiding it from everyone, even dh didnt know, teeth issues, thumb paddling...wish she'd just left me with my dummy til i was ready 😞

I had a dummy until my 4th birthday, my sibling sucked their thumb until their 30s... i know which was worse and affected the teeth

My mum always hated dummies, so we never had them. Out of the four of us, three sucked fingers instead, I did it constantly up to the age of nine. My front teeth are quite wonky and I used to have sore callused fingers where my teeth dug in.

Unless you are A1 perfect parent then it is none of your business. I really don't understand why people get so irrate over dummies. My DS had one until her was 4, for anxiety-related reasons. Being on a train probably would have made him anxious. Would you rather a child was happy and calm or nervous and shouty?

*he was 4

trulybadlydeeply - sorry for your loss. You are so right that we have no idea what goes on in other people's lives.

None of your business, my DD is 3 and still has a dummy, I hate it when people make comment. We try to make sure she only has it at sleep times but sometimes she grabs one without us knowing. The mother is trying her best and so many dummies are specially formulated so they don't do the same damage to teeth as they used to.

I agree with diamond I also hate dummies and they are the last thing I would ever give my child. But it's not my place to judge

My mum was aghast at our dummy use. It was totes embarrassing for her to be seen with dummified DS, nobody in our family has ever used one etc. So what I say.

DS has his at night til he started school.

I judge too. Dummies are for babies.

Hint - if your kid is old enough to shave, they don't need a dummy.

They can be recommended you know.

Why would you judge?

My 10 year old was chewing on a chew toy for most of the time we were out this morning. I wonder how you I coped with seeing that.

My DS had his until he was about 5 i think?

Only for getting him off to sleep (Id creep in and remove it while he slept) and on occasion when he was feeling a bit clingy or uncertain of things, so a train journey he'd probably have it for a bit but would have had his head stuck in a tablet so Id have been double judged.

Parents cant be perfect, theres always something we'll be judged for. Crack on.

My DS is 2.5 and we're trying to wean him off his dummy. His speech is a tiny bit delayed and I'm sure the dummy can't help. However, he also has a genetic condition (which may also be contributing to the slight speech delay) and the dummy provides much needed comfort when he's distressed. I used to be very judgemental of kids with dummies, but now I'ma bit older, sadder and know better than to judge someone until I've walked a mile in their shoes.

Both mine used dummies! Ds2 could easily have managed without! But we used it for ds1, so had no hang ups and it seemed to help soothe him and we felt it protected against cot death. Ds2 dropped dummy about 18 months to 2years. Ds1 loved his, but we stopped it at age 4 (he was only using it at night by then - had dropped daytime use around age 3 - not his choice :( )The only reason we stopped it was peer/family/society pressure to do so :( I felt mean and still have some regret (although he managed dropping it just fine!) His speech is excellent, always has been! And he has lovely teeth. I really can't stand the backlash against dummies, or understand why people hate them so much. I aslo hate that the pressure, looks and comments made to me, made me make a choice which I didn't feel was right for my ds at the time. Please society, start accepting difference and stop judging families who only want the best for their dc's!