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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Little girls should not wear bikinis

270 replies

SpiritedLondon · 01/08/2017 22:06

On Saturday I'm heading off on holiday with my DH and DD5. I have bought DD a new swimsuit and a bikini which I obviously think is cute. I happened to mention this to FIL who was visiting and who immediately announced in front of DD that little girls should not wear bikinis.( he didn't like it and didn't think it was appropriate) I was slightly Hmm about it. Later on that evening I raised the subject with DH and it became apparent that he doesn't really like the idea either....he kept making comments like " it does have a long top doesn't it?" Er no not really. Is this a thing? I don't really think it's a problem and I don't actually think I'm being unreasonable but if you think I am do you think you could tell me what you think the problem is so I can understand it.

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OP posts:
waitforitfdear · 02/08/2017 10:52

in the 70s we didn't realise the mass child abuse going on Hmm

So what we should dress our children to prevent paedophiles raping them???

Nice bit of victim blaming there.

MaisyPops · 02/08/2017 11:03

Well said FernanieSmile

waitforitfdear I don't think they were victim blaming at all, more pointing out that people going on about the 'good old days in the 70s' seem to forget all the skeletons that have emerged later.

E.g I did child protection training about 5 years back a couple used to say 'it's nanny state gone mad. When we were kids there was none of this'. At yet when they were kids were were letting older men prey on vulnerable kids.

In the good old days people smoked and drank in pregnancy, smoked in cars with kids, didn't have safeguarding procedures, cars didn't have seat belts. So people saying in the good old days we used to .... isn't really a point that works.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 02/08/2017 11:20

In the 70s we didn't realise the mass child abuse that was occouring. A child should be a child.

I really doubt that it makes much difference to a paedophile if a child is in a bikini, a one piece or shirts and a T Shirt. They are nasty sick perverts regardless of what anyone wears.

PrimalLass · 02/08/2017 11:32

The costume sexualises the child by making them ape the sexualised costume of the adult.

I don't think of most bikinis as sexualised costumes of adults either. They are just swim/beach wear.

Weird.

PrimalLass · 02/08/2017 11:36

Under the age of 10 my DD just wore bikini bottoms on holiday.

My daughter is 9 and there is no way she would go around in only bikini bottoms. She asked for crop tops for gym days at school. Not all kids are the same.

PrimalLass · 02/08/2017 11:37

As the poster who picked me up on "lewd" has not come back

If you mean me - I was out with my children.

PrimalLass · 02/08/2017 11:39

A string and triangle bikini is very sexual by design. It's a representation of adult women that presents problems when transposed to children, many of whom do not choose the costume.

My DD refused to wear her Boden crop top bikini this year as she wanted a triangle one. I didn't get her one so she wore a swimsuit, but that would have been what she chose. She very much knows her own mind and will not wear what she does not approve of.

whothefudge · 02/08/2017 11:39

I think it's fine I would dress my 4 year old in that, but I just find swimsuits more convenient and comfortable for them. As long as she's got plenty of cream on I can't see how she would burn more in this than in a one piece. Hmm

waitforitfdear · 02/08/2017 11:54

maisy

Not sure where you got from my post that the 70s were the good old days or why you would compare smoking and drinking in pregnancy with small girls wearing bikinis? Hmm

My incredulity was that a poster would equate the child abuse of the 70s with a child wearing a bikini. That's clearly insane and yes victim blaming.

Paedophiles are sexually attracted to children whatever they wear.

Can I add there is also child abuse happening now as it did in the past and my guess would be there's just as much now as then it's just perhaps recognised more although after Rotherham maybe not.

My dds hD developed breasts by 10 and periods at 11 so no way would they be happy topless.

Please can we let girls and women choose how they dress and support their choices?

What the hell its got to do with your fil op is beyond me.

Original poster
SpiritedLondon · 02/08/2017 13:18

waitforitdear it has absolutely nothing to do with FIL and I didn't really invite his opinions just mentioned it in passing. I actually just put it down to his age actually but my DH also had reservations which made me query whether I was being weirdly liberal. FIL had 3 boys though so I guess never had to consider this ( non) issue before now.

OP posts:
MsHarry · 02/08/2017 13:35

Why is a triangle sexual?

waitforitfdear · 02/08/2017 13:36

Understand op well no I think the outfit is perfectly fine and I simply don't understand you dhs position or some of the posters either.

There clearly is nothing wrong with a bikini for a woman or a child of any age or size and it's just odd to think there is imo.

waitforitfdear · 02/08/2017 13:36

MsHarry

Why indeed beggars belief

kaytee87 · 02/08/2017 13:45

Hat, high spf applied often and she has never burned and turns a lovely golden colour. Not one freckle either.

You realise that that lovely golden colour is the skin producing melanin in response to being damaged by the sun? Not so lovely....

Uv suits are not bonkers, especially for babies and young children.

MaisyPops · 02/08/2017 13:47

waitforitfdear
I didn't mean those things from your posts. I was referring to other posts and replies about the good old days and how the person you were replying to wasn't victim blaming, rather they were simply saying that just because something was done in the past doesn't mean we should all want to go back there

MaisyPops · 02/08/2017 13:51

SpiritedLondon
The swimwear you've shared OP is perfectly acceptable.
The discussion that followed about the different designs of swim wear was also interesting.

Just it seems the angle on this thread has quickly become 'anyone should wear anything regardless if age, design, style etc and if you think otherwise there must be some perv who has issues and enjoys body shaming children.
We all know in reality that everyone has their own 'what they'd happily dress their children in line'.

waitforitfdear · 02/08/2017 14:02

But maisy the poster linked child abuse in the past with my memories of bikini wearing kids in the 70s. Clearly daft.

Of course we all have our preferences on dressing our kids but for me that's to do with suitability for the activity and safety.

Never ever have I thought my kids looked 'sexual' in any outfit and suprised people do.

MaisyPops · 02/08/2017 14:11

I don't think their phrasing was good wait, but I read it as a response to your comment about your memories and earlier replies about the good old days in the 70s.

We clearly took it differently.

I've never looked at a child and thought 'gosh that's overly sexual', but I have looked at kids and thought 'it's a shame they're being dressed like mini fashion models etc rather than just being in kid clothes'. I think I'm a fan of kids wearing adorable kid clothes rather than being dressed in the latest fashions/trends.

waitforitfdear · 02/08/2017 14:12

Fair enough maisy Smile

Skisunsnow · 02/08/2017 14:15

I don't see the problem with her wearing a bikini at all. My DD is 2 and she wore a bikini on our holiday this year as it's so much easier for trips to the loo! No soggy costume to try and pull up.

PrimalLass · 02/08/2017 14:27

We all know in reality that everyone has their own 'what they'd happily dress their children in line'.

Agreed. It seems weird to me that people would think girls are more vulnerable semi-covered up on top than completely naked, but everyone is different.

inashizzle · 02/08/2017 15:34

What on earth are you on about *waitforitdear. The op clearly chose an age appropriate costume . You've then decided people are victim blaming?ShockHmm We're just talking what looks appropriate.Fact- little girls would look ridiculous in string bikinis, tiny bikini tops etc. If I sent my dd in a tiny weeny bikini to school swimming lessons, the school would ask me to sort it out. It's about modesty.Of course we shouldn't have to think about it, however we are more aware now.

Blackandpurple · 02/08/2017 15:34

Kids should not be in bikinis. I dont wear them. I wouldn't wear my bra and knickers on a beach so a bikini is no different.

PrettyBelle · 02/08/2017 15:39

My daughter has always wanted to wear either one-piece costumes, or bikinis. That's what is sold for girls, don't see why they should be wearing just a half of their swimming costume? And they do look pretty on so what's the problem?

katronfon · 02/08/2017 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.