Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I can't do it anymore.

85 replies

Marshmallowpingpong · 31/07/2017 15:16

I know that I will probably get flamed but here goes. I agreed to look after a neighbours daughter over summer holidays (teacher so off at the moment) and I have realised that I just can't do it anymore. I feel so stressed and ill. The little girl is autistic and I am just exhausted and it is such hard work. I was feeling stressed towards the end of term but agreed partly because I need the money but also because I thought I could manage it. At the moment I feel so bad/I'll I am even worried about being well enough for September. I haven't been paid anything yet despite giving them my bank details and seriously wonder if I will get paid at all. The stress is affecting my whole family- why didn't I realise how hard it would be??
What am I going to do?

OP posts:
user1497480444 · 31/07/2017 15:18

just say no. You can't do anything else. Say sorry, but we are not managing and I haven't been paid, and I will finish this week, but can't have her back on Monday.

Namechangetempissue · 31/07/2017 15:19

Give notice -I would say at least a week -to enable them to find alternative care. Explain the situation and ask for your pay to date. They will be pissed off (I would to be honest but I understand things happen we can't control) but you need to put your mental health first.

Stormwhale · 31/07/2017 15:20

Tell them you are very sorry, but you are not able to cope looking after their child. I would give them a week to find other childcare. It's not going to go down that well, but frankly it sounds as if they are taking the mickey as they aren't even paying you as agreed.

I'm sure lots of people would love to have free childcare, but understand that usually people have to pay for it. Their child and work issues are not actually your responsibility op, and you definitely should not allow it to make you ill.

ScrumpyBetty · 31/07/2017 15:21

Be honest and say you have to have to e off due to illness/stress. The parents might not be happy but you need to look after yourself and have a rest. Agree with poster above, maybe give notice until the end of the week so it's not too sudden.
Hope you feel better.

DoubleHelix79 · 31/07/2017 15:22

In your situation I would probably try to line up a replacement (maybe a fellow teacher who would also appreciate some extra income?) and tell the parents that sadly you won't be able to continue looking after her. I don't think it's worth risking your health over this. Oh, and I'd also ask when they think they'll pay you but then I'm German and think it's easier to just be straightforward

Original poster
Marshmallowpingpong · 31/07/2017 15:24

Thank you. I know you are both right but I don't even know if I can face tomorrow. Time passes so slowly and it just feels relentless. I fell down the stairs the other day and was disappointed I didn't hurt myself more than I did so that I would have an excuse to stop. I am not in a good place. This sort of thing happens to me all the time. I get myself into shit situations because I struggle to say no - it's pathetic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marshmallowpingpong · 31/07/2017 15:28

Thanks everyone. I am actually out of pocket. I have spent money on petrol plus bought lunches out, printed stuff bought some books and games etc. Feel like such a fool - when will I ever learn?

OP posts:
Namechangetempissue · 31/07/2017 15:30

If you feel your mental health is suffering to the degree that you can't provide safe care for this child or provide for her needs appropriately then as her parent I would rather you tell me immediately and would remove my child straight away. It would be different if you just couldn't be arsed. Good luck op, hope you feel better soon.

Namechangetempissue · 31/07/2017 15:30

Oh and ask for your pay!!

nina2b · 31/07/2017 15:31

You took this on, with the best of intentions, but it is not working at all. I would also be concerned that payment has not been forthcoming and you may well be right in thinking this might never happen. Anyway, as a teacher you need time to recharge your batteries.
Tell them you cannot continue and do not feel you have to line up a replacement! That is the parents' responsibility.

SafeToCross · 31/07/2017 15:32

Ring them now, say you are unwell - no need to explain more, and you are - you can offer for them to pay you a few days less if you can afford to so so and it will make you feel better. Concentrate on you, and being able to do what you need to do for you and your family. You need to remove this pressure, it is no ones fault but it is not working.

nina2b · 31/07/2017 15:33

Ask for the money you are owed.x

nina2b · 31/07/2017 15:35

No one is going to flame you, surely. Don't worry about that.

user1497480444 · 31/07/2017 15:36

I'm sure you have got planning etc, to do, just tell them you are required to go into school. I'm sure you are, anyway.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 31/07/2017 15:38

I imagine the parents may not be too happy but you do have to be honest. For your sake and the little girls'.

The arrangement is not working for you & is actually making you ill.

Original poster
Marshmallowpingpong · 31/07/2017 15:38

Thank you all so much for being understanding and kind - it means such a lot. I am going to apologise for letting them down but explain that I am unwell and that they will have to make alternative arrangements. Also need to try and get paid!

OP posts:
Dizzywhore · 31/07/2017 15:41

You shouldn't really be paid at all unless you are registered to do so. Teacher or not. So it's probably best you stop incase someone reports you.

Badhairday1001 · 31/07/2017 15:42

I would just phone tonight and say that you are really sorry but due to unexpected personal circumstances you won't be able to look after the little girl anymore. Explain that you will mind her until Friday and that you will bill them up until then. I would also say that you need the outstanding money paying in the next 24 hours for you to continue looking after her until the end of the week. My childminder expects full payment in advance at the beginning of each month, or she quite rightly she refuses to take children.
I am also a teacher and I personally would find it hard to work all summer and then return in September ready to teach. Look after yourself!

IdentifiesAsYoda · 31/07/2017 15:42

Bloody hell you are some kind of saint for offering in the first place - teachers need their break from children

user1497480444 · 31/07/2017 15:43

That is true, actually, it is illegal, so there is your out! I'm so sorry, I have been warned that i am not allowed to do this, and it will put my career at risk if I continue.

And completely true! You have been warned, I'm warning you now!

Original poster
Marshmallowpingpong · 31/07/2017 15:43

I haven't been looking after her in my own home so I am not sure what there would be to report.

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 31/07/2017 15:45

I fell down the stairs the other day and was disappointed I didn't hurt myself more than I did

That's a very big stress warning.

I hope you get your pay. OP If not, take them to the small claims court. Have you kept a record of what you have spent?

mmgirish · 31/07/2017 15:45

Maybe you should try and get paid before you tell them?

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 31/07/2017 15:49

I haven't been paid anything yet despite giving them my bank details and seriously wonder if I will get paid at all

Oh Op, I feel for you. You sound so down, please stop letting these freeloaders use you.

whatsleep · 31/07/2017 15:53

i agree with other posters. Tell them your unwell so won't be able to look after her anymore. Don't feel that you have to give notice us you can't bare to have her another day then don't. Nobody's job is more important than your health. she is their daughter not yours, you are not responsible for her. Yes, it may leave them in a sticky spot but there will be other options for them so don't consern yourself (((((((((hug))))))))