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AIBU?

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Original poster

**Posting for traffic** tricked by social services

102 replies

TaliaAlCool · 31/07/2017 11:45

This is a last resort believe me I never thought in my worst nightmares I would have to post this.

My story is extremely outing so I can't give details but I need help.

Is anyone a senior social services manager or worker or a solicitor or someone who thinks they can help and pm me?

My social worker has a personal vendetta against me (I only had her originally because I fled to a refuge, no neglect or abuse from me)

I'm on the brink of losing everything because of her lies and tricks. Who do I go to when all the professionals believe her because of her position?

Please pm me if you think you can advise.

  • a desperate mother
OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 02/08/2017 23:46

Get a solicitor. A bloody good one.

Also, complain at every turn of their conduct. Yes you will piss them off but you need that paper trail.

Calm and assertive OP. The best advice I was ever given was no matter what was said never ever lose your temper with them. Not even a raised voice. Those who aren't fighting your corner will say / do ANYTHING to get a rise out of you.

Flowers OP.

Notevilstepmother · 03/08/2017 00:17

Is one of your children with your ex at the moment? If so then that is probably meaning they consider the child at risk. The other child is probably considered at risk of you repeating the same mistake and allowing the ex to see them.

Getting evicted from a refuge doesn't fit with your description of doing everything they asked you to I'm afraid.

If you took the children to see him once then you could do so again.

I'm still not clear on how the youngest ended up with your ex. As I said before this is something you need to address with the conference chair.

Fairenuff · 03/08/2017 00:23

They told you not to go back to your home town. They told you not to have any contact with him. They told you not to allow your children to have contact with him. You broke all those rules.

I'm not clear how one of the children has ended up with him either when you say they have acknowledged that he is abusive.

User02 · 03/08/2017 00:36

Anyone who thinks Social Services and Social Workers dont lie are not living in the real world. Only today there have been 2 Social Workers who made a mes of cases, at least one who was supposed to protect a now deceased child has been struck off.
I would be cautious about trying to prove that SS are wrong. That is what I did and that made them even worse when their errors were pointed out to them. The proof is all there that they were so wrong on so many ocassions and also with a number of people of various age groups and needs.

Social workers really need to buck up their ideas and stop running with the phrase "damned if we do and damned if we don't". They are not the ones being damned it is the people they are supposed to help.

TotallyTicToe · 03/08/2017 00:37

Sorry op I'm a bit confused.

Your youngest son has been taken off you, but not your eldest, and this is because you left the refuge and took your dc to meet this same abusive ex.

Why would they say it's a child protection issue that you took your children to see this ex and then...hand him one of the children?

It's not making any sense at all to me, so sorry if I'm missing anything.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 03/08/2017 01:23

Anyone who thinks Social Services and Social Workers dont lie are not living in the real world.

Ah yes. I forgot social workers are not human beings but rather robots who are sent to destroy us

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 03/08/2017 01:36

Social workers really need to buck up their ideas I cannot even put into words how angry this makes me. Every single social worker I know is stretched to their absolute limit. Spending your working life torn between multiple cases and working overtime to help as many as you can. And then not being able to sleep at night because there's not enough hours in the day or resources available to help the people you are supposed to be able to. And then apparently it's their fault! Hilarious.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 03/08/2017 01:47

They are not the ones being damned it is the people they are supposed to help. arghhh here I go again. Well actually, they are the ones being damned, by you apparently. Do you honestly think it's as simple as that the social workers

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 03/08/2017 01:49

Didn't finish....hate you and want to make your life miserable!? I'm sure they have nothing better to do.

MargaretTwatyer · 03/08/2017 01:57

How come the OPs old thread about the refuge has been removed? Odd.

User02 · 03/08/2017 02:13

Biscay - I cant say too much in case it indicates me but seriously you have no idea what happened. Abusive men are known to be charming when it suits them and they can also threaten. Social Workers were taken in by this man. I can see that to be the case. I believed in children being checked up on but if Social Workers can not accept that they were taken in by a con man and apologise for their error of judgement they leave themselves open to criticism. The outcome of that situation is that they were so wrong and the child has proved themself how wrong they were. They child saw the paperwork and saw immediately what Social Workers could not see or could not admit. That is only a small part of my experiences. If you want to know more PM me. It is real class crap but it damaged 5 people being the immediate concern and a lot of other people on the periphery.

Atenco · 03/08/2017 02:17

How come if anyone criticises one member of a profession, they must be wrong because everyone in that profession is perfect. I don't get it, frankly?

I try my best at my profession but sometimes make mistakes and I know lots of people who do not even try their best.

User02 · 03/08/2017 02:22

Atenco - If you get things wrong at work and it has caused havoc in peoples' lives do you apologse or create a smoke screen? I dont know if that is allowed in some professions.

Original poster
TaliaAlCool · 03/08/2017 02:32

As I said before I've met a few social workers who have all been spectacular at their job, a job I don't think I could do and can't imagine the stress they must be under. But that doesn't make me wrong about this. Social services at the point I went to refuge hadn't yet told me not to have contact with ex etc it was the refuge workers who told me this. At no point have I ever gone against what ss have said to me because I trusted them, as anyone should.
I went to let him see the children because he is a very clever man, a very charming man, a very manipulative and convincing man and I was a single woman alone in a strange town with no friends and no support. I had just made the decision finally to do best for my children and leave my abuser but this also meant leaving our home, dds school, dds friends, all of their toys, most of our clothes, I took a bus with 2 kids for 5 hours and a worried 5 year old and yes, hearing his familiar voice and all his promises and all his threats broke me. I was weak. I have acknowledged my mistake here both to friends and family and to social services.
To those confused about why they placed ds with ex.. join the club. I'm confused too. Social worker 1 made me sign an agreement (after refuge eviction all happened) to not let ex see dd because frankly by this point she was scared of him. Social worker 2 then placed ds with ex some weeks later. I can't give any more answers and neither could she. I promise I'm not some angry bitter parent who just disagrees with ss involvement.
I left because I thought I could get help and set up a life for my children without ex. I was wrong. You are all entitled to your opinions of course, you can judge me for being weak or think me irrational or just angry.. but honestly, I could have been anyone. I made every choice because I had to make one, I always tried to do what authority told me to and what I thought was best for the children.

OP posts:
BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 03/08/2017 02:34

Atenco

Anyone who thinks Social Services and Social Workers dont lie are not living in the real .

Doesn't sound like criticism of one individual to me.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 03/08/2017 03:04

I don't think it's helpful for posters to argue over whether social workers, as professionals, are saints or sinners. It doesn't help the OP who is in a very difficult situation with one particular worker.

Talia, are you safe from your ex at the moment? It sounds like he is still controlling things from afar but I wonder if you still have contact and am concerned you may be at risk. Also, were the police involved at any point with regards to the abuse as this is useful evidence. I agree with a previous poster who suggested making a log of all the times you have made contact and expressed concern about this worker. Your ex sounds very manipulative which concerns me.

Atenco · 03/08/2017 03:30

Atenco - If you get things wrong at work and it has caused havoc in peoples' lives

Fortunately I don't have that kind of job, but aren't we getting far away from the matter in hand.

Atenco · 03/08/2017 03:36

Oh Talia, I wish I knew of something or someone who could help, this is every parents worse nightmare.

Rayche1 · 03/08/2017 04:17
Flowers
DaemonPantalaemon · 03/08/2017 04:32

Gobbolino was correcting her own post OP. Not yours.

DaemonPantalaemon · 03/08/2017 04:41

So sorry this thread loaded only the first page. Good luck with everything Talia.

springydaffs · 03/08/2017 04:44

The (female) judge in my divorce case was totally taken in by charming, abusive ex. Though I'd expect a social worker to be a bit more clued up when it comes to charming abusers.

My heart goes out to you Flowers

My advice? Pray.

mathanxiety · 03/08/2017 05:18

Wrt the mounting applications made by your ex:

Applications for what?
Is he petitioning the court?
Does he have a solicitor?
Do you have a non-molestation order against your ex?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 03/08/2017 08:05

springydaffs Flowers

Though I'd expect a social worker to be a bit more clued up when it comes to charming abusers.

They can be incredibly manipulative. Even professionals such as social workers can fall for it despite being trained to spot it.

The fields I've worked in I have seen how crafty they can be. Both women and men.

Re asking why the eldest didnt get taken away too. This is common. The neighbour we had. All the children were taken off them apart from the eldest. It's one thing their solicitor has been challenging since.

Nickname0 · 03/08/2017 10:32

Fairenuff I remember the OP's old thread regarding that matter and an advanced search shows the threads under her current username.