Ok sorry but I really want to warn her

[ChasingGhosts]

Username change but long time poster.

I'm not going to give identifying details but say you have the opportunity to transmit a note to someone.. warning them about the situation they are in.

That at best they are living with someone who has cheated on them and is lying to them, and has called them horrible things behind their back.. and at worst they're in danger. They're with an abusive person being investigated for sex offences.

Should I do it?

No.

Yes

I'd keep out of it.

The first part, probably wouldn't be something I'd warn them about (as it rarely goes well) but the second part is definitely something they need to know.

Usually i'm a stay out of it person but does she know her partner is being investigated?

Posted too soon.

For a start, you're acting illegally (I assume you're involved professionally in a case where they're being investigated).

Who are you to decide someone is abusive when the courts are yet to?

Infedelity between to consenting adults is none of your business.

Yes pass the message.

Why no? They might not believe me, i've tried before a few months ago with a message on fb but this one would be clearer, more concise. i'm thinking more rationally now.

It would help me a lot, i'm having nightmares and all sorts of thoughts and guilt and shame all the time that she doesn't realise. I know you can't make someone realise but i would like to get it off my chest and say I did what I could.

Depends on your relationship with them.
Someone close ? I'd tell them what I knew, let th decide what to do with that info.
Someone I didn't know very well, say someone I wouldn't be able to ring up and say hello, do you fancying a catch up? I think I'd be tempted to keep well out of it.
Sw
Depends what you knew as well I think. Someone/Child at risk?? Different response to cheating husband imho.

On your last part of the post yes absolutely tell them they may tell you to piss off however if you have told them it is always going to be at the back of their mind.

Let me guess, your exs new girlfriend?

Why is it illegal? I know it's true because I'm his ex partner. She saw him being arrested but he's probably lied like he lies about everything.

I would.
I couldn't live with myself if I didn't.
They may not believe you however and that's a whole new level of shitstorm

I don't know them no.

If they don't believe me I can make peace with that. It's just killing me. I'm suffering with ptsd. I want to say it and her to know. I'm moving away imminently soI can leave whatever shitsstorm behind

You cannot blab to make yourself feel better.
Blabbing is to save someone from danger or risk.

I think it will probably end badly for you unfortunately. She isn't going to believe his ex-partner is going to be anything but manipulative. Does she have kids? If she does, you could call SS...

So you're his ex, and you messaged her to warn her off, but she didn't listen. So now you want to write to her.

Is that right?

I don't think she'll listen, tbh. Crazy ex girlfriend and all that. But...if you don't mind them knowing it was you, and you can't sleep worrying about her, then I would send it.

Then you'll know you did all you could to help.

I think you ought to move on and concentrate on your life. Seek counselling to help the process and report to authorities if you were the subject of sexual abuse. No good will come of you triangulating yourself between them.

It would be worded as a warning, no malice. They can't know he's being investigated for rape and serious sexual assaut surely, why would you stay with someone when you knew that when it's not even a lt relationship?

I think 1 last try then leave it is the way to go for you and her you can't make her believe you though.

I probably wouldn't- you also need to think about your own safety and that doesn't sound like a good situation to get in the middle off

Are they a convicted sex offender? Or do you just think they are?