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AIBU?

Ok sorry but I really want to warn her

87 replies

ChasingGhosts · 31/07/2017 09:28

Username change but long time poster.

I'm not going to give identifying details but say you have the opportunity to transmit a note to someone.. warning them about the situation they are in.

That at best they are living with someone who has cheated on them and is lying to them, and has called them horrible things behind their back.. and at worst they're in danger. They're with an abusive person being investigated for sex offences.

Should I do it?

OP posts:

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CrosswordPuzzle · 31/07/2017 09:28

No.

2014newme · 31/07/2017 09:29

Yes

MrTrebus · 31/07/2017 09:29

I'd keep out of it.

MaitlandGirl · 31/07/2017 09:30

The first part, probably wouldn't be something I'd warn them about (as it rarely goes well) but the second part is definitely something they need to know.

Bobbiepin · 31/07/2017 09:30

Usually i'm a stay out of it person but does she know her partner is being investigated?

CrosswordPuzzle · 31/07/2017 09:30

Posted too soon.

For a start, you're acting illegally (I assume you're involved professionally in a case where they're being investigated).

Who are you to decide someone is abusive when the courts are yet to?

Infedelity between to consenting adults is none of your business.

Booboobooboo84 · 31/07/2017 09:30

Yes pass the message.

ChasingGhosts · 31/07/2017 09:31

Why no? They might not believe me, i've tried before a few months ago with a message on fb but this one would be clearer, more concise. i'm thinking more rationally now.

It would help me a lot, i'm having nightmares and all sorts of thoughts and guilt and shame all the time that she doesn't realise. I know you can't make someone realise but i would like to get it off my chest and say I did what I could.

OP posts:

missiondecision · 31/07/2017 09:31

Depends on your relationship with them.
Someone close ? I'd tell them what I knew, let th decide what to do with that info.
Someone I didn't know very well, say someone I wouldn't be able to ring up and say hello, do you fancying a catch up? I think I'd be tempted to keep well out of it.
Sw
Depends what you knew as well I think. Someone/Child at risk?? Different response to cheating husband imho.

FreudianSlurp · 31/07/2017 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 31/07/2017 09:32

On your last part of the post yes absolutely tell them they may tell you to piss off however if you have told them it is always going to be at the back of their mind.

HollyHollyHo · 31/07/2017 09:33

Let me guess, your exs new girlfriend?

ChasingGhosts · 31/07/2017 09:33

Why is it illegal? I know it's true because I'm his ex partner. She saw him being arrested but he's probably lied like he lies about everything.

OP posts:

IJustLostTheGame · 31/07/2017 09:33

I would.
I couldn't live with myself if I didn't.
They may not believe you however and that's a whole new level of shitstorm

ChasingGhosts · 31/07/2017 09:33

I don't know them no.

OP posts:

FreudianSlurp · 31/07/2017 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChasingGhosts · 31/07/2017 09:34

If they don't believe me I can make peace with that. It's just killing me. I'm suffering with ptsd. I want to say it and her to know. I'm moving away imminently soI can leave whatever shitsstorm behind

OP posts:

missiondecision · 31/07/2017 09:35

You cannot blab to make yourself feel better.
Blabbing is to save someone from danger or risk.

justilou1 · 31/07/2017 09:35

I think it will probably end badly for you unfortunately. She isn't going to believe his ex-partner is going to be anything but manipulative. Does she have kids? If she does, you could call SS...

MadMags · 31/07/2017 09:35

So you're his ex, and you messaged her to warn her off, but she didn't listen. So now you want to write to her.

Is that right?

I don't think she'll listen, tbh. Crazy ex girlfriend and all that. But...if you don't mind them knowing it was you, and you can't sleep worrying about her, then I would send it.

Then you'll know you did all you could to help.

VladmirsPoutine · 31/07/2017 09:36

I think you ought to move on and concentrate on your life. Seek counselling to help the process and report to authorities if you were the subject of sexual abuse. No good will come of you triangulating yourself between them.

ChasingGhosts · 31/07/2017 09:36

It would be worded as a warning, no malice. They can't know he's being investigated for rape and serious sexual assaut surely, why would you stay with someone when you knew that when it's not even a lt relationship?

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 31/07/2017 09:36

I think 1 last try then leave it is the way to go for you and her you can't make her believe you though.

lmer · 31/07/2017 09:36

I probably wouldn't- you also need to think about your own safety and that doesn't sound like a good situation to get in the middle off

Alicia555 · 31/07/2017 09:37

Are they a convicted sex offender? Or do you just think they are?

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