Ok sorry but I really want to warn her

[ChasingGhosts]

Username change but long time poster.

I'm not going to give identifying details but say you have the opportunity to transmit a note to someone.. warning them about the situation they are in.

That at best they are living with someone who has cheated on them and is lying to them, and has called them horrible things behind their back.. and at worst they're in danger. They're with an abusive person being investigated for sex offences.

Should I do it?

To be honest, I'd let the Police deal with it. And concentrate on you.

People go to extreme lengths to disbelieve unsavoury truths about people they love. I totally understand why you want to do this but I agree with everyone else that it won't achieve what you want it to, and there is a chance it will backfire on you. You are doing your bit to protect other women through involvement with the police investigation, and that isnt a easy thing to do, so a massive well done there. Do ring your police officer and talk it through with her, she really won't mind. And please look into finding some support through counselling, you deserve to have that help through this.

I think there's a lot of discretion in Claire's law? The police will review and disclose only if they feel there is sufficient info and risk level. Whether that pertains only to convictions or to ongoing investigations I'm not sure.

But OP, official channels only. You can ask the police if they will make a disclosure to the new partner. That is all you can do. Concentrate on yourself.

I'm going against the grain here and I would say do it.

Sure, he'll have painted you as the jealous ex but it will also plant a seed of doubt in her mind as well.

This means that when he shows his true colours - which he will - she might leave him a little sooner with the realisation that what you said in the note was true. Rather than taking abuse as a 'one off'.

There's no smoke without fire.

Also, she might be a total tool. She might actually be intelligent enough to see the note and keep it to herself without disregarding it.

I will also help you move on and away being able to sleep at night knowing that you have done everything you can to warn this person.

This is already affecting your mental health on top of what you endured, because you're worrying and feeling guilty that he's about to do it to someone else.

If leaving a note helps you with those feelings then for God sake do it.
Who cares what he says to her about you, we all know he's an arse hole.

I'm actually surprised others aren't saying the same tbh.

Tippy there is a police investigation ongoing which may lead to a trial and OP needs to ensure she doesn't compromise that in any way, or provide any ammunition for the defence to smear her character. That's why she is being advised not to send a note.

If his arrest by actual police officers hasn't planted a seed of doubt for this other woman then a not very anonymous note isn't going to do it.

That said it's a good point that the writing itself can be cathartic so you could always write the note then burn it, it may help.

That's annoying. Because I think she should send the note.

But I see your point.

^I'm the one he raped and abused.
I'm the one he said horrible things about her too and admitted that he was lying to her. he was proud of it.^

Won't it cast doubt on your allegations and cloud the case for prosecution, if you're still in contact with your abuser?
Even now you're prosecuting him, you still maintain contact with the man for him to bitch about his current girlfriend to you?

Was his infidelity you speak about, cheating on her with you?
She'll never believe you. Move on.

If they don't believe me I can make peace with that. It's just killing me. I'm suffering with ptsd. I want to say it and her to know. I'm moving away imminently soI can leave whatever shitsstorm behind

Well, then, do it to relieve your own conscience.

I don't think it will help, if she saw him getting arrested and still thinks he's harmless, she's probably a pro at deluding herself.

But if you need to feel you did all that you could, and aren't in danger of losing a friendship or having to deal with a shitstorm, go ahead.

The thing is; if the trial goes well, he won't get away with it.

If you tell her now it's highly likely she won't believe you. It's more important that he's convincted so concentrate on moving away and staying strong for the trial.

She's extremely unlikely to believe you, and in general there's no point having a 'bastard warning system' in place because people in new relationships don't want to hear it. Would you have, when you first met him?

If he's convicted that will speak for itself and she can make the decisions she needs to. Good luck, hope it all goes OK.

Thanks all, I'm not still in contact with him no that was months ago