WWYD stay with new baby on a buy or go home to be with dh and 12/14 ds's

[Cuckingfunt1981]

my friend gave birth and upon dd arrival it was discovered she had a heart condition and needed to be on scbu. My friend dd mam would stay during the day with new daughter but then on a night at 6pm would leave new baby to go home with her dh and their two sons age 12 and 14 . She said she felt her sons and dh needed her more and she needed full nights sleep so she would be strong enough to look after baby . The heart condition is not a serious one and can be fixed butvshe is still requiring specialist care on the scbu. I have 4 dcs and my 3rd baby was seriously ill with sepsis when she was born and I never left her crib . It just doesn't sit right with me that she can go home and leave her dd on scbu . She had been posting pics on fb of her and her dh and sons out for meals of an evening , she herself taking wine selfies with captions "iv earned this after 9months" AIBU for judging her and thinking wtf ? Or is it the normal thing for some mams to go home when baby on scbu ??? Iv never known a man ever to leave baby in scbu and go home especially when baby is so new ? Maybe I shud just stop over thinking this and mind my own business it's just she seems to be having a blast of an evening going out and enjoying herself whilst dd is in hospital . Last night she was at the pictures , the night before in the city having a meal with wine and cocktails ?? AIBU and shud I put my judgy pants back in the wardrobe ?

Yes you should. And stop using textspeak too! YABVU for that alone.

What's wrong with text speak haha 😂

Mind your own business. You've said yourself that the babies condition isn't serious. Mothers whose babies are in SCBU have a higher risk of depression there is nothing wrong with her spending time with her family whilst her baby is in the best hands possible.

Your title and a lot of words in this thread make no sense. YABU for that and being so judgey. Its none of your business.

What's wrong with text speak haha

In the age of predictive text, what on earth is the point? It makes you look ignorant and lazy.

Whatever this mum is doing is none of your business.

point taken about my judgy pants ! Ido think it's disgusting that she is leaving her new baby while she goes out and gets pissed (she said she was last night according to her Facebook page this morning) however eachbto their own I guess ! Will remove her posts from my newsfeed so I stop over thinking this

You're not really her friend are you, if you're posting this about her.

Point taken .

Keep your nose out. None of your business. Just because it's different to what you would do doesn't mean it's wrong.

You're going to get your arse handed to you here, OP.

Not a close friend no . We met years ago at a gym class and have kept in touch via Facebook . She is more a Facebook friend so not a true friend

Wow Incy winsy that told me haha

Why don't you just think about something else and find a different friend who you actually like

A - it's none of your business

B - the baby is the patient not the mother. There are very few beds available for parents on scbu, in my local hospital there were 12 cots and only 2 rooms for mums. Where do you expect the mum to stay?

Maybe I should mind my own business

I agree, you certainly should.

When my twins were in SCBU I was sent home each evening. I was glad to go home and return the next morning. What could I do there overnight?

Is there even anywhere for her to sleep if she stays overnight, other than a chair? Mind your own business and use your time to support her rather than criticizing.

Wait you've gone from she was having a meal out with her kids to she's going out and getting pissed?

Dinner out seems easiest if she really has just given birth and has a poorly baby

And going out and getting pissed ( if that's true) might be her way of coping with this ?
She has a sick baby have a fucking heart.

Seems so death . I honestly couldn't imagine leaving my child though and going out getting pissed . Fair enough go home if no beds available but going out and getting pissed is just wrong !! That's my thoughts ducks and hides from the mumsnet angry brigade * happy Sunday

Cue : thread deleted as the OP wishes she hadn't posted it.

When you bring a baby home it's exhausting. When you bring a poorly baby home it's even more exhausting. She is taking this time too look after herself and her other children who will be very concerned I am sure.

Scbu units don't normally have cotside beds for parents anyway do they?

I also think the big difference in your story is that your child was "seriously ill". If there was a danger of death I'm sure I would have insisted on staying!

You sound awful.

Yes it's none of your fucking business.
When DD was in special care they discharge the mum after 2 nights. Is she supposed to never sleep and keep vigil by the cot? The baby will be very well cared for by the highly qualified professionals.