Having been the much older sister of 3 different babies in scbu, do you know how much I would would have loved mum to come home for dinner and let us know baby was ok? how much actually I needed my mum and some sort of normality?
Ok a 12 and 14 year old don't really need mum to look after them, do their washing etc but they are at that awful age where they know exactly what is going on. My younger siblings were young enough not to know babies don't normally stay in that long (especially by number 3, i mean it was practically normal for my family by then) so it was all 'baby isn't quite ready yet', I was old enough to have an adults understanding of what scbu is, and of how serious it was but nowhere near old enough to have an adults ability to cope, i was also selfish teenager enough to feel forgotten, and angry, and scared.
I can't imagine what my mum went through, especially as she'd already lost 1 child who should have been ok, I understand why she stayed at hospital, but I also understand how difficult it was being away from her other children and how guilty she felt. Whatever choice mum made she couldn't physically be everything everyone needed her to be. The kids are long since better and leading totally normal lives, but mum still struggles with it. She has dementia now and she panics sometimes that she should be at the hospital with the baby, that people are judging her for being too happy, it's heart breaking.
My point is YABU to judge a woman you've said yourself you barely know for something that doesn't have anything to do with you just because it isn't the decision you would have made.