To be scared of how poo life can be with a DC?

[BlueIsYou]

Specifically a very young DC.

I'm due soon and all I really see on Mumsnet is the awful of having a newborn

I don't recall seeing anything good said about newborn/young DC.

I'm quite scared of it all. It's as if the good doesn't always outweigh the bad at all?

In my own experience, I have three very much so younger siblings who've been gold from day 1 really, and never caused many issues.

My DM certainly never went without showering and she never had any help (apart from me, but I rarely stepped in).

Is it really that awful sometimes? That you can't even brush your teeth if you are determined to?

I'm extremely odd about personal hygiene and I would rather someone imprison me and cut off all my luscious locks than someone forbid me from having a shower/carrying out my routine of dental hygiene.

The sleep deprivation is better managed with just one DC to attend to, surely? I can understand the sheer relentlessness of it if you have another DC to run after though.

Honestly, new parenthood just seems a bit shit when you look on MN

I had a really easy newborn. She breastfed like a champ from the first time she latched (never even opened that expensive lansinoh cream I bought). Knew day from night almost immediately, slept 4 hours straight at night from the first night home and slept 8 hours straight by 8 weeks. She almost never cried (DH asked the midwife if there was something wrong with her as she was so happy, and I got a picture of her crying aged 7 weeks as it was such a rare occurrence). She would happily sit in her bouncer/pram long enough for me to have a shower/cook a meal.

Obviously I kept quiet about all this at baby groups/on here as most people had a more difficult time. She's now a very spirited 3 year old, not chilled at all anymore!

Rinceoir that sounds amazing!

Oh do fuck off rosie

I loved having a newborn to cuddle. Breastfeeding is difficult in the beginning but makes life much easier after a while (this can be a week/two/ more). IToddlers always had time to shower / eat etc. By the time I had my third I managed to get older two to school on time in my own after a couple of weeks. Newborns are lovely -
Toddlers on the other hand are hard work!!!

She was a great newborn! Terrified of having another as I'll probably have a colicky one! I had a tough pregnancy and a nightmare delivery so was pleasantly surprised to get more sleep with newborn than while pregnant!

Her love of breastfeeding did lead her to refuse bottles or any solids until she was over one though. Swings and roundabouts.

My first was constantly projectile vomiting, crying, not napping etc etc and some days were very tough. My second just slept constantly, woke for the odd feed now and then but spent the vast majority of her time in her crib. She very, very rarely cried. The thing is, it doesn't matter whether you have the easiest baby in the world or the most challenging, your love for them outweighs everything else. You might not get a minute to yourself, or you might get loads of time to yourself, but either way, you'll love everything about them, from the way they wrinkle their nose up when they're about to sneeze, to the way their face smiles as they twitch in their sleep. It's the most wonderful, magical, messy, crazy, whirlwind, but this will be the best chapter of your life yet. Motherhood gives you a strength that you've never needed before, an ability to be up all hours, to power through the tougher times. It's also full of rewards, every day, there are opportunities for you to stop and look at your precious little baby that you've brought into this world and to appreciate that unconditional bond that you have. To me, that is the beauty of motherhood.

My daughter was and still is, a very easy baby. I had to have an emergency c section so had difficulty moving around and showering but she was really content and happy. It is swings and roundabouts as she may be a difficult teen . She has been since day 1 a doddle.

However saying that, my neighbour has a 1 year old who was undiagnosed as being tongue tied, had reflux and was lactose intolerant, for the first 6 months cried incessantly. I remember thinking how lucky I have been with my DD, and did really feel for my neighbours. Now their DS is happy and content.,

What you've got to remember is that on mumsnet, and other parenting forums, people will often only come on if they have a problem, are feeling overwhelmed or down, or have an issue in their relationship. For people where things are ticking along fine, their baby isn't feeling too difficult, they probably won't post. What I'm saying is MN is not representative of everyone with DC. There are bits you will find challenging and bits you will find okay - ultimately of course the good outweight's the bad! Enjoy your baby when s/he arrives.

I'm currently in the trenches with my PFB DD, who is 6mths soon. She is a "difficult" baby (I love her passionately, but she bloody is). I've had the no shower days, esp in the early weeks of breastfeeding, latterly when I simply can't be arsed as we're knee deep in sleep regression and I'm on my knees

All that being said...

(a) there are easier babies. Ive got a circle of 8 NCT mum friends, and for sure some people's babies reliably sleep for 10 hours at a stretch, are generally gurgly and happy and no trouble unless teething or poorly or post vaccination. These are the ones who are glamorous, well put together and starting small businesses in their mat leave, while I have read 1.5 books in three months 🤷 It's horses for courses.

It also depends what sort of school of parenting you subscribe to. For my sins, I appear to be programmed towards a more crunchy breastfeeding, sling wearing, co sleeping, high contact attachment parenting style where I really don't get on well with listening to my baby cry. It's unclear to me at this point if that's because my daughter is so cross and needy, or why she is so cross and needy opinions vary. If you are the sort of person who can wryly roll your eyes as PFB throws an epi in the Bjorn bouncer because they've dropped their lovey/suddenly realised they're hungry/are bored, and carry on calmly flossing, you'll be fine so. Just wish to God I was, but the sound of her shrieking goes through me like turps through s sick donkey, and thus I spend my days half doing things.

Seriously though, there are moments none of it matters a damn, dirty hair and all. You will love them so much. Good luck!

It's okay! It's the shock to start with as I don't think anything really prepares you. Once you're into your stride you'll be fine!

Rosieposy pointless judgy comment right there

rosieposy I've breastfed both my DC but other people have reasons to not breastfeed, which are valid. Or maybe it's just not for them. No need for that sort of comment.

Shut up @Rosieposy4

I loved the newborn stage, I had a fairly chilled baby and spent most by days feeding and watching tv. My DH was around enough that I could shower or baby just lay in his cot gurgling or sleeping while I showered or brushed teeth. For me it only got more challenging at doing things like that when he started moving around at around 8 months

And yes Rosieposey, you give us boob feeders a bad name with that sort of shitty undermining remark. Jog on.

I actually get more sleep now than I did when I was working...

DS sleeps from 9pm until 7am, and has done since three months (before that he woke at midnight and 4am for a quick feed then back to sleep). DH baths, changes and dresses him, then gives him to me for a feed in bed while he gets ready for work. Then DS and I have another nap/listen to the radio, and I roll out of bed around 9:30. I'm really not a morning person, so this is total bliss for me! (I used to have to get up at 6am to get to work by 8am, DH doesn't start work until 9:30).

I have sometimes had to cut my soak in the bath with mumsnet shorter than planned because DS was wailing, but I have never not washed at all. The key is to get straight in the shower first thing, or you can easily get sidetracked.

And YY whoever said stuff takes longer with a baby - it took me three hours to clean my bathroom last week because DS kept wanting feeding, and cuddles, and general entertainment. Apparently watching mummy cleaning the bath isn't very interesting to a four month old. You just have to make sure you prioritise, and that your DH picks up any slack.

It is absolutely fantastic though - I have loved every minute so far. My DS has a lovely big beaming smile, and he has a very endearing way of snuggling up to me and looking blissfully happy while I'm BFing him. Every time he smiles at me I just want to pick him up and kiss him to bits.

I loved the newborn/baby phase! Much much easier than dealing with a 4 year old's tantrums which i have to hourly now. Yes, it's tiring, but apart from the lack of sleep/broken sleep (which you get surprisingly used to very quickly, and it isnt as bad as people make out) it's otherwise easy. Enjoy your baby and ignore what everyone says!

I loved it, it's hard if you don't follow their routine. Enjoy it as it as babyhood is so short x

It's the luck of the draw OP. I had a really bad time with my DS from the pregnancy & labour right up until 6 months old. Luckily it does pass for the majority of people who have it rough. My DS was emcs, colic reflux, cows milk allergy, hypospadias, ketotic hypoglycaemia, constipated! Really tough first 6 months but now 13 months old and things are going really good! He's noisy and tantrums but this is the easy bit for us.

I breastfed a baby with feeding difficulties, but I certainly cleaned my teeth and showered. If something like that is essential to your wellbeing (as it is to mine) there is absolutely no reason you can't take 5 minutes out to do it, even if the baby cries- besides, there will be times when it is not crying.

Oh also yes what someone said up there about the things that keep you going at a low ebb. I had to go to a funeral a couple of months ago with DD. She was HORRIBLE, so miserable, any time any of my extended family came beaming over at the wake to squeeze her cheeks she had an utter meltdown and was sooooo grumpy, I was mortified. Then as we were on the train home, I a sweaty, embarrassed shell of s woman doing anything I could to stop her crying, she suddenly began laughing at my whooshy train noises - her first ever laughs. My day - nay, my WEEK - was made, and I no longer cared that Auntie So-and-so thinks I'm raising a red faced demon from hell - my baby had laughed, I had made my baby laugh, and I didn't give a diddly damn about anything else at all.

Oh OP, it's not that bad.

No one is ever going to come on MN and tell everyone how perfect their newborn is. You won't get threads like...

'Help. My newborn sleeps through the night for 8 hours. How can I get her to sleep longer?'

You'll only get desperate mums looking for help.

Breastfeeding is bloody hard, IME. Breastfed all 3, and the first 8 weeks are tough. Sleep deprivation is hard. Growth spurts are difficult, and yes, showering isn't easy in those early weeks, especially if BF.

But, it is the most amazing time also. That first smile. That first laugh. The cuddles. The love ❤️

DH is my rock, and I would never have to ask for a break or some help. He's the other parent, so he just does it. This makes a world of difference. Then you can wash etc.

One day at a time. Don't put yourself under pressure. We all do things differently x

The baby phase is amazing and mine are now nearly 2 and I still love it.

My first, and only, were twins, and I managed to shower and get dressed most days. Yes there were times I would cry that I just wanted to eat a hot meal, but overall it's been wonderful. Don't let the bad stories scare you too much!

I don't agree that FFing "disadvantages" your child (I was FF and there's nothing wrong with me!)

But if you have been scared off BFing by all the horror stories on here, please reconsider. DS had a thick anterior tongue tie, and even with that I still really enjoyed BFing (I never had any pain, he just took ages to feed - once it was snipped he was much more efficient). I was expecting it to be really hard, but it wasn't.

I am BFing for me, not him. He was premature and needed FF top ups for the first week to keep his blood sugars stable, and he didn't care whether he was BF or FF, it was all the same to him. But I found it really rewarding - you get a lovely feeling of closeness when your baby snuggles up to you to feed, and this blissful look comes over their little face as the milk starts to flow. It's wonderful.

Do what's right for you, and if you have other reasons for not BFing then ignore this, but don't let worst case stories put you off without even trying it.

My children are now teenagers and although I remember those difficult times I feel so lucky every time I look at them, motherhood is so tiring but so very rewarding, it is by far my greatest achievement x