To be scared of how poo life can be with a DC?

[BlueIsYou]

Specifically a very young DC.

I'm due soon and all I really see on Mumsnet is the awful of having a newborn

I don't recall seeing anything good said about newborn/young DC.

I'm quite scared of it all. It's as if the good doesn't always outweigh the bad at all?

In my own experience, I have three very much so younger siblings who've been gold from day 1 really, and never caused many issues.

My DM certainly never went without showering and she never had any help (apart from me, but I rarely stepped in).

Is it really that awful sometimes? That you can't even brush your teeth if you are determined to?

I'm extremely odd about personal hygiene and I would rather someone imprison me and cut off all my luscious locks than someone forbid me from having a shower/carrying out my routine of dental hygiene.

The sleep deprivation is better managed with just one DC to attend to, surely? I can understand the sheer relentlessness of it if you have another DC to run after though.

Honestly, new parenthood just seems a bit shit when you look on MN

Well I think people probably come onto mumsnet when they're struggling to vent/get advice. So you hear the worst side of things.

My experience is that you do get to shower, but often not without rushing or a baby crying at the worst possible time. Sometimes it's choosing whether to nap, shower or eat.

My experience was that life was fairly easy with one baby, hellish at times with two, especially a difficult second baby.

Parenting is hard but also wonderful. No doubt you'll be fine but don't dismiss others struggles.

Often depends on the baby
For me having a baby that has never slept for more than two hours and is nearly two has made it very very hard
And even now some days I don't shower
But I have friends who's babies slept through from 6 weeks and they were out clubbing and literally breezed it

You'll cope
You'll get through it!

And the good outweighs the bad

I think it helps massively if you can wrap your head around it being okay to leave them to cry for a few minutes while you shower, or brush your teeth, or eat a sandwich.

DS was mostly delightful as a baby - by 7 weeks he was sleeping 9-3, waking for a feed, and going back to sleep til 6/7am. Yes he was quite sicky/refluxy, and he cluster fed (to the point I had to get DH to cut my meals up so I could eat one handed), but most of the times I struggled were nothing to do with DS directly but me struggling with being off work, or trying to do too much, or worrying about not doing enough baby activities (DS didn't give a shit where we were as long as he was with me).

If there's one thing really matters to you you can do it. You just can't do it all.
Personally I didn't care that much about showers or hair styling (did have one daily but not always in the morning, grew my hair to ponytail/bun length).
What mattered to me was fresh air and exercise so I prioritised buggy bootcamp, postnatal Pilates and getting out walking with the pram.
Housework went to pit and dh did all the cooking.

Seems we have reassured OP about newborn stage by scaring her as to how he toddletoddler stage is

2 kids and I've always managed to brush my teeth twice a day (barring the day I had DC1. Had an epic labour!!)

It's all about the love. Yes it's hard but no one can prepare you for how much they love you and how much you'll love them (once you've bonded)

Try again

Seems we have reassured OP about the newborn stage by scaring her about how bad the toddler stage is

I find toddlerdom much easier than the newborn/baby stage, for a bit of balance! Like I said mine are 2 and 3 and life is much easier now!

I breastfed, had showers, had a life, out and about most days with a newborn. I think, barring any health issues for either you or baby, you can have a good time over all. Just realise that you will get less done in a day, somethings will be trickier to organise than before and you will be tired. But don't let yourself play the martyr role or think life now doomed.

My toddler has been driving me batshit for a month by insisting I walk around with her holding her hands every waking minute and screaming if I refuse. My back may never recover.

I find newborns relatively easy. I've had two, DS2 is marginally harder work than DS1 was in terms of colic/sleep and I still watch a lot of tv and lie on the sofa a lot when I've got him on his own (the two of them together is a different story!).

Jokes aside I've got a baby and a toddler and I shower and wear makeup every day. My house and clothes are clean. I go out to places and do my usual hobby (running) as well. I have fun with my children and they make me laugh every single day. I have sex with my husband and we talk about stuff unrelated to our kids. I'm not superwoman or anything, this is all pretty normal for my friends who have kids. I don't think we can all have had easy babies? A positive attitude and sense of humour go a long way, but I don't know anyone who has been turned into a shuffling zombie or a shell of their former self by having a baby.

(Oh, and just wait - toddlers are amazing, nobody has ever made me laugh like my two year old does)

My ds is now 14 and was an amazing baby, he slept from the minute he was born, nobody could believe it and I was very lucky.

When he was 7 I was pg with dd who is now 6, everyone said I wouldn't have two good babies so expect the worst! She was exactly like her brother.
I have stopped at 2, I appreciate that my situation isn't the norm but I did have 2 fabulous sleepers, I used to hoover in ds's room when he was a few months old and he didn't wake up.
My hygiene wasn't compromised neither was my housework but I do remember that I was a lot more chilled out with dd.

Of course having 2 good sleepers I was expecting pay back somehow and yes I've got it now, both are terrible in settling at night and I hardly get a minute to myself so it's all swings and roundabouts.

One piece of advice is to just enjoy the early days, babies sleep a lot, use the time to rest and look after you.

Completely agree Op

I'm 6 months and yesterday my DH told me to stop reading mumsnet as he felt it was scaring me too much!

I will have a lot of help from nearby GP's and frankly I think it's important for my wellbeing that I shower and wash my hair.

I agree, don't be a martyr and try not to compare too much. All parents are different and all babies are different. They all have easier or more difficult stages. The cuddles are amazing.

I think it is really hard but I also think you will just love that little baby SO much that things you cared about before won't matter one jot and you'll just get on with it. My advice, as others have said, is DO NOT compare with how friends and their babies are coping, what works for them, how long their babies sleep etc as that way madness lies. Don't worry!

My dd was classed as a 'high needs' baby as she was an absolute nightmare due to milk allergy and silent reflux. But... the poo was far outweighed for the love and joy she brought me and my dh. She's now 13 months and is such a joy. Even during the shit early months it didn't put me off wanting another one day. One time when I was trying to get out of the house for an appointment I managed to poo (iron tablets gave me constipation) while breastfeeding and brushing my teeth at the same time! I still don't know how I managed that one. I admit I did miss some showers as dd couldn't be laid flat/put down without screaming herself purple but it didn't really bother me probably bothered others! Sometimes I didn't brush my teeth until the afternoon as I didn't have the energy but I could have done it one armed if I wanted too. You'll make it work for you. My priorities were biscuits so I always made time for them; you can prioritise showers and teeth brushing!

It will be fab. It may be hard at times but it's the best thing ever. I'm jealous In fact. I get so excited when my friends have babies - such a gift to treasure.

There were difficult moments, but on the whole I really enjoyed the baby phase, especially with my first when I could sit and watch tv when tired, i did find it harder with a newborn. I breastfed so had no help with nights and sometimes, in the middle of the night, I was worried about the next day br was always better once the sun was up.

I have never had an issue with finding time for showers or teeth brushing - baby asleep in cot or lay on bathroom floor, or in bouncer, or just crawled around when I showered. Or I showered when my husband was home. It wasn't an issue with two either.

It's a surreal and marvelous time with with shitty moments!

Seeing shattered, smelly and skint friends with eyes blank from despair and a newborn put me off having kids.

Still happy with that decision, but don't forget newborns grow, and in the end you have a lovely child - at some stage. Don't worry, it will be fine, and I speak as someone who was a lot more freaked than you!

Don't get me wrong there can be tough times but for me having newborns and young dc has been lovely. I have just got home from hospital after having dc3 and now have 3 under 3. My first ds was a difficult baby with silent reflux and was a Velcro baby he would scream unless held, He only started sleeping through 2 months ago but has become an amazing little toddler whose company I love. We Moved house 3 weeks before dd1, stressful. My dh works away 4 nights of the week and we have no help unless I use the gym creche or family visit. We have two dogs, a cat and chickens. Not a stealth boast its busy but we love it most of the time, I have always managed to brush my teeth but did struggle with a shower on rare occasions with ds1 and indulged in a few to many McDonalds milkshakes on my many drives around the countryside late at night trying to soothe him to sleep. I strangely miss those drives!

I was quite a young and unprepared parent and throughout my pregnancy people took delight in telling me it was so hard being a parent, how exhausting and how I'd have to change everything etc
Anyway.. I loved having a newborn ( three times in the end) and had no problems coping! Having a baby is great x

I loved having a newborn. Couldn't understand all the angst. My secret was to spend most of the day in bed

I was expecting having a baby to be really grim and dreary and I loved it. It was like falling madly in love with someone and then being allowed to spend months and months doing nothing but hanging out with them and watching box sets and eating biscuits. Mat leave the first time was like an incredible long holiday. My second was colicky and a poor sleeper and things seemed way harder because of toddler day shift / baby night shift but I also know people who found having their second a breeze.

It's a lot about what kind of baby you get. Don't judge yourself if it's hard but don't be surprised if it's really lovely. Or somewhere in between. Agree with pp that the bad experiences are over represented here because people post for support with them.

Keep in mind people mostly only have something to say when it's negative.

I think people tend to ask for advice/support when things are going wrong/are a bit stressful, so it can appear as though many people are struggling when those who are having an easier time of it just aren't posting about it.

I have a 4 month old DS. Things have been quite tricky at times for one reason or another (v poorly after birth and in HDU for a few days, feeding struggles, colic, random scream fests) but I've always managed a daily shower and to brush my teeth! And despite the trickiest days where I thought I was losing my mind (when he was poorly), having my boy had been wonderful and I'm very happy with our lives now.

I

I think it just seems worse on here because generally people on here only post to have a moan/ get advice about a problem so you only hear the bad bits.

I've got 4 under the age of 4. They've all been fairly easy babies so far except from the youngest who's a nightmare to get to sleep. Still manage to keep myself, the house and the children clean and presentable (most of the time anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️)