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AIBU?

HV called me foolish (sort of)

108 replies

Mrsknackered · 27/07/2017 17:56

HV came to visit a couple months ago after barely 6 month old caught chicken pox. She was a bit Hmm that he wasn't sleeping through the night and was still walking up often for BFing.
I cracked after 8 solid months of shitty sleep and text her excruciatingly early this morning asking her if she had any advise or if there were any sleep class/clinics/whatever available.
She has just called me now and said that I should send DS1 away to stay with relatives for a few days and put DS2 in the upstairs bedroom. I am then to leave him to cry aka controlled crying. I said I'm not prepared to do controlled crying as he works himself up in a state even if he sees me edge towards the door and as he is standing he smacks his head against the top of his cot. She then said 'I think it's foolish of you to refuse to try controlled crying as it's the only technique that I have seen work in my 25 years'
A neighbour also told me that HV said to her that she can't help her get onto council housing because all the slovakians are filling them up' (this was after I told her what she had said to me today)
So now I have absolutely no fucking idea what to do about his (lack of) sleep - and mine - and also think she should be reported for racism and just being pretty fecking unhelpful!!

OP posts:
Moanyoldcow · 27/07/2017 17:58

Your HV is a fucking moron.

No advice but I'm here to share your outrage.

2014newme · 27/07/2017 17:59

Don't follow her advice then.
I don't think you need a sleep clinic just sleep training. You could hire a night nanny if you don't want to do it yourself.
Tge Slovak comment is hearsay.

Mrsknackered · 27/07/2017 18:02

2014newme unfortunately by the end of the month we are very skint as there has been a change in circumstances so a night nanny is out of the question. Agreed maybe not a sleep clinic but I meant more to be able to speak to someone who could help me out?

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 27/07/2017 18:03

You do need to sleep train.

I think she's right in terms of the effectiveness of CC. I wouldn't comment on the position you're taking, it's your decision.

trilbydoll · 27/07/2017 18:03

Our hv team say no controlled crying under 18m because before that age they can't understand that you're coming back. So perhaps a polite enquiry as to whether she has the most up to date guidelines?

Their suggestion for me was put away washing in baby's room so you're there but not for dc if that makes sense. And you might zip in and out but you'll be back v quickly so they start to learn you will come back. I have no idea if it works or not, I am too lazy Grin

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 27/07/2017 18:03

You asked for her advice, and she gave it.

jawuwuma · 27/07/2017 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

drivingmisspotty · 27/07/2017 18:07

The health visitor is being unreasonable! Is there another on the team you could talk to?

Or try the no cry sleep solution book? <a class="break-all" href="//www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Ways-Help-Through-Night/0071381392?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">//www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Ways-Help-Through-Night/0071381392?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

alltouchedout · 27/07/2017 18:07

You don't need to sleep train.

I think CC is a poor choice. I understand why some parents make it- I've had a non sleeping baby myself. Like you it was never something I was prepared to do.

Depending on what you want you could look at books like Dr Sears. The No Cry Sleep Solution was popular when I had ds1 11 years ago but tbh I didn't find it the lifesaver it was sold as. Some of the things in it were useful though.

kali110 · 27/07/2017 18:07

I thought it was 6 months?
I'm not against it, but if you don't want to do it shouldn't your hv be helping you to find alternate methods?
Can't really comment on what your neighbour has said as it weren't said to you.
I'd probably ask for a new hv, if you want one!

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 27/07/2017 18:07

To say council houses are in demand because 'Slovakians' are getting them is divisive and irrelevant!

Council houses are in demand because PEOPLE need them.

user1499786242 · 27/07/2017 18:08

You don't need to sleep train!
You can, but you don't have to!
There are also much more gentle methods...
My little boy woke up every hour on the hour to breastfeed until he was 22 months, he's now 23 months and only just starting to go two hours between wake ups
If I had a pound for every time someone told me to let him cry blah blah I could afford a night nanny by now haha!
(They are a complete rip off btw)
I did actually try to be tough and let him cry but it was horrendous, like absolutely horrendous! Never again
Up to you though!
Some children just don't sleep very well!
Ignore hv, she sounds like a twat x

kittybiscuits · 27/07/2017 18:08

Your HV is 100% knobhead!

kali110 · 27/07/2017 18:08

Wth are these spam accounts coming from?

kate20091985 · 27/07/2017 18:09

**trilbydoll
I actually do this with my 9 month old for naps and it worked, until she learnt to stand up now it's gone out of the window!

BumWad · 27/07/2017 18:09

DS didn't sleep through till 18 months.

don't hold your breath

kate20091985 · 27/07/2017 18:09

Oops sorry that was meant to be in bold, clearly not got the hang of it yet!

Clandestino · 27/07/2017 18:10

Your HV is an absolute racist moron. Please report her and ignore her advice.

biffyboom · 27/07/2017 18:12

There are sleep courses available, I attended one through my local sure start centre (or whatever they are called now).

It didn't actually help me, but I know some people on it said it was helping them.
It was reassuring to hear how other people were in the same situation, so I would recommend trying to access one, if only for moral support.

Flowersinyourhair · 27/07/2017 18:12

Don't let him cry it out bless him. I think you just need to keep going and catch sleep where you can. It will get better honestly! In my experience the babies sleeping through at 6 months are the exception not the rule.

Floggingmolly · 27/07/2017 18:12

How on earth would a HV "help your neighbour get a council house"?? How did that even come up in conversation? Hmm

indigo13 · 27/07/2017 18:13

8 months?! Hes a baby, they wake up!

ToastyFingers · 27/07/2017 18:14

This might not be what you want to hear, but it took my two till about 18 months to sleep through.

That said, they both did it of their own accord, with nothing close to cc and both sleep really well now.

Moanyoldcow · 27/07/2017 18:15

You do not have to sleep train.

I think it would help if we had more realistic expectations of infant sleep but it doesn't make it easy dealing with it.

My son is 4 and he still doesn't sleep through the night reliably. It's fucking shitty but I'd rather that than CC which I think is a barbaric thing to do.

CheesecakeYesPlease · 27/07/2017 18:19

My now 22 month old didn't sleep through till 16 months and he was breastfed for 18 months. My 4 month old is also breastfed and doesn't sleep through. The only thing that got me through was co sleeping, which I did with my first and am doing now with my second. If it's something you would be comfortable with check our Dr sears safe co sleeping guidelines and give it a go x

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