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AIBU?

HV called me foolish (sort of)

108 replies

Mrsknackered · 27/07/2017 17:56

HV came to visit a couple months ago after barely 6 month old caught chicken pox. She was a bit Hmm that he wasn't sleeping through the night and was still walking up often for BFing.
I cracked after 8 solid months of shitty sleep and text her excruciatingly early this morning asking her if she had any advise or if there were any sleep class/clinics/whatever available.
She has just called me now and said that I should send DS1 away to stay with relatives for a few days and put DS2 in the upstairs bedroom. I am then to leave him to cry aka controlled crying. I said I'm not prepared to do controlled crying as he works himself up in a state even if he sees me edge towards the door and as he is standing he smacks his head against the top of his cot. She then said 'I think it's foolish of you to refuse to try controlled crying as it's the only technique that I have seen work in my 25 years'
A neighbour also told me that HV said to her that she can't help her get onto council housing because all the slovakians are filling them up' (this was after I told her what she had said to me today)
So now I have absolutely no fucking idea what to do about his (lack of) sleep - and mine - and also think she should be reported for racism and just being pretty fecking unhelpful!!

OP posts:
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ittakes2 · 28/07/2017 13:50

My son had major sleep issues. I didn't believe in controlled crying but ended up doing a miniversion which worked a treat but was just hard work. I tried this after using three sleep consultants who had all failed!
You literally go into the room for 60 seconds and touch them and then out again for 60 seconds until they fall asleep. The next night increase the time until 90 seconds and the third night 120 seconds which was enough. It took 2-3 hours each night but I liked the fact my son wasn't left screaming his head off without no one coming in.
By the way, have you explored medical reasons like excema? Before my son developed behavioural sleep problems, he first couldn't sleep because he had digestion problems, and after this was sorted we realised he was itchy from excema which couldn't be seen and he couldn't itch so no one realised -and apparently this is more common than people realise.

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medicalmumof4 · 28/07/2017 13:51

I'm another one who's going to say you have unrealistic expectations. Your baby is still so small.

Sleep training is horrific.

Your HV sounds like a twat.

But really, just learn how to adapt with low levels of sleep. It's possible and a much better solution all round.

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Ropsleybunny · 28/07/2017 14:06

For me, no sleep was horrific. My mental health suffered, my marriage suffered and my bonding with DS suffered. I think it's irresponsible to dismiss sleep deprivation as some are doing on here.

I honestly think if you can casually say you just put up with it until it got better, you didn't suffer like we did. I was getting to desperation point where I would have contemplated anything to get some sleep. Now that's horrific.

We had three nights of farting about with crying and camping outside his room but the rewards were immense for us all.

Once my DS started to sleep better, after we did the CC, my life changed completely. My DH was happier and could go to work without falling asleep, DS was much more contented, he even gained weight. We all benefitted beyond my wildest dreams.

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LapinR0se · 28/07/2017 14:14

It is not at all unrealistic to expect an 8-month old to be sleeping for large chunks of the night. Not remotely.

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InDubiousBattle · 28/07/2017 14:17

In what way is slept training horrific?

Waking every 45 minutes is not to be expected in an 8 month old.

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Ragwort · 28/07/2017 16:38

But really, just learn how to adapt with low levels of sleep. It's possible and a much better solution all round.

Better for who? You are sleep deprived, working, looking after other children, possibly other caring commitments etc etc and you advise 'learn to adapt with low levels of sleep' Hmm - you do know that depriving sleep is a well known torture technique???

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Blerg · 28/07/2017 17:13

I think it depends on sleeping agreements. I coped with wakeups every 40 minutes by cosleeping. If I'd had to get up and put the baby down in a cot and creep out (and if I'd have able able to do that I wouldn't necessarily have co-slept) then I'd be dead on my feet. It's a totally different proposition and I was so glad to be able to co-sleep.

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Blerg · 28/07/2017 17:57

Arrangements - not agreements! Been reading boring legal docs all day...

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