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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my son on holiday with my partner

113 replies

mamabike · 27/07/2017 14:31

Taking my 3 year old on holiday next year, I've been with my partner for over a year and we have a child together. I've just told my ex that I'll be taking our son on holiday and have been told that I'm majorly BU!
Am I?

OP posts:

TipTopTipTopClop · 27/07/2017 15:59

If my husband left me with a baby and had a baby with another woman in the space of a year and then wanted to take our child on holiday with her, I'd not be impressed either.

I'd venture he feels that you've put your son in an unstable position, and I don't blame him.

Hissy · 27/07/2017 15:59

"You and I were a couple, we are no longer a couple, Life has moved on for us both and the only important issue that remains between us is DS and his happiness.

I get that you are sad/bitter/jealous/etc, and I am sympathetic, I know on some level you are hurt. We have to be able to live as adults however, and DS is entitled to go on a holiday with his mum and sibling and the DP/father of sibling.

DS will be with his mother, and will be being cared for no differently to how he is cared for at home. DP will be on hand to help and he loves DS and DS cares for him very much.

Getting your permission to travel should not be an issue.

MeanAger · 27/07/2017 16:01

If he doesn't object to your partner living with you (although I suspect he does) then he can't say it's a problem for partner to be on holiday with you. It's the same thing just in a different country for a week/fortnight.

Hissy · 27/07/2017 16:01

If there is no order or child related process in court both of you are free to do as you please.

not strictly true... you have more automatic rights as a resident parent if that is established in a court arrangement.

If my husband left me with a baby and had a baby with another woman in the space of a year and then wanted to take our child on holiday with her, I'd not be impressed either.

Being impressed or otherwise is nothing to do with the child's welfare per se. To refuse permission because of the timetable is revengeful and unreasonable.

Original poster

mamabike · 27/07/2017 16:07

Well now he is saying I can't even have my son over Christmas becaus3 I have another baby!
He came to collect our son an hour and half earlier than planned last year, so I missed out on a lot of time. I'm gutted he thinks that it's okay to do this!

OP posts:

MeanAger · 27/07/2017 16:09

I would let the whole holiday thing drop now. It's a year away. You don't need to spend a year arguing with him and negotiating terms with him. Deal with Christmas at Christmas as a separate thing. The holiday is unrelated to Christmas. Both Of you should see your child on Christmas Day.

ProudBadMum · 27/07/2017 16:10

I'm in a similar situation due to surprise baby.

Difference is my ex will allow anything if it means he doesn't have to be a dad. Even though he gave me silent treatment when it came out I was pregnant only 6 week behind his gf

I'd still take him and let him sulk. Does he expect you to leave your child with him while you go away? Then complain you have pushed your child out..

You won't do right for doing wrong in his eyes.

ProudBadMum · 27/07/2017 16:11

We alternate xmas. So one year one of us has him xmas eve and half xmas day. Othe rhas him rest of xmas day and Boxing Day.

Who ever has him on xmas eve the other has him on New Year's Eve.

That way it's fair and he gets to spend xmas with us both

Original poster

mamabike · 27/07/2017 16:13

Proud that it was I tried to do but he turned up an hour and earlier than planned due to me mentioning our son was seeing my partners family. He didn't want our son at New year as wanted to drink

OP posts:

KarmaNoMore · 27/07/2017 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mamabike · 27/07/2017 16:17

I've kept him sweet! To the point he hasn't paid a penny of maintenance since he left the house! I've only just stopped providing nappies and clothing!

OP posts:

KarmaNoMore · 27/07/2017 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeanAger · 27/07/2017 16:29

I agree, tell him nothing unless it's relevant to his contact with the child (like if you need to change or arrange contact). The less he knows the less opportunity he has to try and ruin things for you.

QueenArseClangers · 27/07/2017 16:34

Why hasn't he been paying maintenance?

TimetohittheroadJack · 27/07/2017 16:52

Why do you care about keeping him sweet?

Original poster

mamabike · 27/07/2017 16:53

He says he hasn't got enough money to pay anything to me

OP posts:

MeanAger · 27/07/2017 16:58

Why haven't you gone through CMS? They do a calculation based on his wages and work out what he has to pay. You don't need to be involved in it.

KarmaNoMore · 27/07/2017 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SerfTerf · 27/07/2017 17:17

This is what moving on and forming new famioafter a split looks like.

Would drowning him with symapathy about "adjusting to inevitable changes" and how hard it can be to "move on" work? All the while going ahead with your plans calmly?

Hissy · 27/07/2017 17:17

Karma, you're wrong

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

The ex CAN prevent the child from travelling, perhaps not for long, but enough to miss a flight etc

SerfTerf · 27/07/2017 17:17

Families^

Sympathy^

Mumof56 · 27/07/2017 17:37

Maybe you are going to have to compromise and arrange for him to have his son at christmas.

Funnyblastard · 27/07/2017 17:42

Just to point out for the comments where she can take the child away without permission. Thats absoultley true. But it's not just gettin out of england, you can be stopped and checked on check in at whatever country your heading to and asked for the permission there too. If you don't have it, at best you will have to sit about god knows how long for a return flight hime after been refused entry to the country, wich will then show up on passports and forever cause the same problem unless you have the permission. Or worst you may end up brought up on charges for child abduction. Yes it sounds crazy but that's the law. Op if you can't come to an arrangement between yourselves try mediation or a solicitor, failing that take the di*k to court, no way will a judge let your child miss out on a holiday coz of the stupid fathers jealousy. Good luck

mrsheathy85 · 27/07/2017 17:46

tip top Are you serious? How do you know ops ex didn't leave her? It's not like she's only just got with him and they have a child together

op Of course your nbu! Did i read right and your ex say "on holiday with ds and another child"? . What a lovely dad wanting to ruin his son's chance of a holiday abroad as clearly he can't take him if he can't afford maintenance

I take it his favourite colour is green

ladyyyglittersparkles · 27/07/2017 17:53

Tell him to FUCK OFF
If he wants to make unreasonable demands he can pay to try and get it in the form of a court order

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