Am I overreacting?

[Joolsy]

Last summer DD and her friend (13) volunteered at our local library to help with the summer reading challenge - basically primary school kids have to read 6 books over the summer and get little rewards when they read each 2. DD & friend were helping to sign them up & keep records of when the kids had completed each part of the challenge. They really enjoyed it last year. DD didn't feel confident enough to do it on her own. So, with each of their agreements, I signed them up for more sessions of volunteering this year, around 3 hours a week for about 4 weeks in total.

They did first session last Sat & while they weren't exactly rushed off their feet and one of them would have managed on their own, they seemed to enjoy it. Next session is today. DD's friend rang her to say she didn't want to do it anymore as she found it boring. DD tried to persuade her to come and so did her mum but she wouldn't. Her mum rang me to explain that her DD didn't want to do it. I replied saying, if she has committed to something she needs to see it through and can't cancel just because it might be a bit boring (which TBH I think is just an excuse to get out of it). She said she thought I was overreacting as it's not like it's to do with school (i.e. compulsory) and because they are kids they should be able to choose what they do in the summer holidays. I said she was letting other people down, therefore, she should stick to it and it's not a good example to tell your kids it's ok to cancel something if you decide you don't want to do it! AIBU?

You said they weren't exacty rushed off their feet and one would have managed on their own.

Do you have any reason to think there's going to be a stampede going forward?

If not, why can't your daughter manage on her own? It's only 3 hours a week.

Yes, you are overreacting! She's 13. If her mum is happy for her not to do it, then it's none of your business really. You're only annoyed because your own dd doesn't want to do it on her own.

Yabu, if she doesn't want to do it then I don't think she should be forced to. It's voluntary.

I think you'd probably feel differently if your DD felt comfortable to do it on her own.

You are right though, I'd encourage my children to see it through given they had signed up to it.

I agree with you. She signed up to do it and should see it through. It's not like it's every day over the holidays.

Christ yabvu - its up to the other parent if she wants to lecture her child on responsibilty - not you. Of course a 13 year old can change her plans if her parent hasnt got a problem with it. Its not the other childs responsibilty to go along with something to please a friend and an overinvolved parent - I'd rather my child followed that example.

Remind your dd the sense of satisfaction she will get from fulfilling her obligations. .

Shame her friend wasn't bothered but assure your dd she is up to the task!

Id have hung up on you and blocked your number

YABU. The only reason you are so bothered is because your daughter doesn't want to do it on her own. You are sticking up for your daughter. As is the other mother. Difference being, you're not forcing your daughter to do something she doesn't want to do, while you expect the other mother to do exactly that.

If your daughter now refuses to continue, will you practice what you preach and insist your daughter does so? Lest she me guilty of 'letting other people down'? I doubt it.

Let it go.

Wow, I can't believe you dictated to another parent what she should do with her own child in this context. That's seriously out of line. So not your place. You can say those things to your own kid but you do not have the right to say them to her friends parent. Unreasonable, rude, entitled, dictatorial, over involved, the lot.

You should be teaching your child she can do it on her own, not that it's ok to boss others around like this.

I agree with you, but those are the kinds of opinions to keep to yourself, and not to voice! Criticising someone else's parenting is not on!

Let your DD go by herself. It'll be great for her.

YABU. It sounds like you want her to be a crutch for your daughter, which is unfair on the other girl.

Your out of order

But they signed up TOGETHER. As a pair. And her friend knew that DD wanted to do it, but not on her own. I feel it's not on to just change your mind if you've committed to something, whatever it might be. I don't feel you should teach your kids it's ok to just back out of something on whim

Yabu. You can think what you like but you were wrong to try to give a parenting lecture to someone else. I'd have hung up on you too and blocked your number.

Yanbu-I work in a library and volunteers are the only reason we can open now. A last minute let down can mean the difference between opening and closing for the day.

It's not your place to tell someone else how to parent. If I were the other parent I'd be thankful my dd was no longer going there with your dd after that phone call.

You are quite right though that her dd should have stuck to it but you're not her parent.

To be fair Supersoary, if your library is dependent on the services of one underworked, bored 13 year old volunteer to keep it afloat, it's fucked.

This is an entirely different scenario. If the job was busier, the girl would probably continue. As is, she's bored because there was barely enough work for one of them.

But they signed up TOGETHER. As a pair. And her friend knew that DD wanted to do it, but not on her own. I feel it's not on to just change your mind if you've committed to something, whatever it might be. I don't feel you should teach your kids it's ok to just back out of something on whim

You are so missing rhe point. At what stage do you feel that these thoughts entitle you to dictate to your daughters friends parent how she should handle the situation?

Can you really not see what that's so out of line, and yes it's more out of line than her kid dropping out and her mum agreeing it. You simply cannot phone up other parents and dictate how they parent.

So your daughter is still going then I assume, as she also committed?

Your views on what it's OK or not to teach your kids are not universal laws! They're personal views. Other people may differ and you have no right to lecture them. You may not know the full circumstances.

Your DD can find another friend, or continue to do it by herself. It's only 3 hours a week - and it'll be good for her to learn that she can do it by herself. Instead of overreacting to her friend's parents, maybe work on your own daughter's confidence!

Thats your opinion but you cannot dictate the values of another family. You are going over a line there. You would be far better encouraging your dd to know she can do it alone as experienced now.. Thats a useful life lesson too and one you have control of.

I can understand why you are annoyed but I think you are over reacting.

It's voluntary and it's only 3 hours a week. You're only annoyed because your daughter said she didn't want to do it on her own.

Maybe this will give your DD a confidence boost and a sense of accomplishment

I would let it go tbh.

But Supersoary I hardly think that applies in this case. It was quiet the last time they were there so one girl could manage on their own. I'm sure the library won't have to stay closed because a teenager has dropped out.

OP it's nothing to do with you what the other mother wants to teach her kid. Maybe she's teaching her kid she doesn't have to do something she doesn't want to, just to keep someone else happy!

YNBU to think that the girls should have stuck with what they have signed up for - it wasn't a huge commitment and the friend was letting your daughter down.

BUT all parents get defensive when our children or our parenting is criticised. I think that it might have been ok to say something on the lines of "That's a shame but I'll get my dd to stick with it, because I want to encourage her to follow through when she makes a commitment."

That way you'd have made your opinion clear without any explicit criticism.