To never be alone with the children

[Theymisheardme]

Except for photos...

Beyonce and Jay-Z have 8 nannies.

For 3 children.

Blue Ivy gets 2 each and goes to playschool. The reins get 1 each working 8 hour shifts because they wake at different times.

So there's literally 24/7 cover for the kids. Presumably if on their 100k contracts they decide to have a holiday there are spare nannies on standby or overtime for the others...

I get they want extra help atm. Twins, C Sec etc. But 3 each??

Do they ever just sit and play like a regular family?

It makes you wonder what its like growing up with a small army of nannies on constant rotation and your parents quite happy to just delegate it all

We have a 6 and 4 year old and have a house helper and a nanny. The helper lives in our house and the nanny lives a few tube stations away.

We have a wonderful life. We get to do the nice stuff with our children without the shit bits. We don't usually eat together Mon - Thurs evenings. Both children go to school and have had their evening meal before DH and I get home but when we do get home, their bags are packed for the following day, lunches are made, they've eaten, the house is clean etc. We can do the fun bits. Swimming, TV, reading, Lego, cook biscuits (as DH and DD are doing now).

Parenting isn't about being there for every second of every day. Many of us can't afford that privilege. It's about balance and quality time.

Our weekends are our own. We never have to go to Waitrose or deep-clean the spare bedroom or any other nonsense. We often have the nanny work on a Sat evening do DH and I can can do something nice together but really we have 2 days with nothing but child-orientated time.

Our arrangement works for us. I pity people doing their own housework, arguing with a toddler about eating and the other parts of parenting that most of us really dislike.

Our nanny and house keeper have worked with us for over 6 years and are part of the family. Our children are lucky to have an extra grandmother figure.

InsightPanel don't worry about those poor put upon skivvy parents who have to clean their own chikds vomit off themselves and the floor whilst placating said vomitty child as their partner rummages through the washing I've not had put away. I might need a large glass of wine, I don't need your pity

Many of us can't afford that privilege of not being there for every second of every day but hard doesn't equate shit just because its not clean and fun and sparkly

Is this what they mean by it takes a village to raise a child?!!

Interesting the contrast with a post on here a few days ago where a young woman lived with her parents who did the bulk of the childcare for her ds. Consensus was definitely that she was bvu. Now it seems most people would give their right arm for a live in nanny.

Perhaps the difference of paid and unpaid help?

That's the only difference so must be!

If I was a millionaire, I'd rather delegate everything else - house keeping, shopping, cooking, laundry etc. but kept the baby care to myself and DP to be honest! OK maybe just have a nappy-changer on call for the really dirty jobs lmao... but the comforting/feeding should be done by the parents IMHO. I don't find it enviable at all. The hard thing is having to do other stuff in the house, meals, etc. If I didn't have to worry about those things I'd be quite happy.

Insight, prepare for a roasting. You pity me? When your dcs hurt themselves who do they run to? I bet it's the nanny as they're there most of the time and do the actual parenting. Being a parent isn't just about the fun stuff. The times I felt most like a mother was when I washed the cut knee, helped my dcs out of tummy upset in the trousers, told them off because they'd been naughty. To love someone when they show you their worst face is what parenting is about. Anyone can have fun with a child.

I would hate to have a live-in nanny. I like being around my children as much as possible. They are not a chore. They are actually quite lovely most of the time.

I would love a chef, a cleaner, a gardener, a decorator, a driver, a personal shopper even! Someone to clean up after we have made cakes, or painted or got the floors muddy. Yes please.

Someone to cuddle my baby or put them to bed or take them to the doctor? Or to give them calpol or kiss their knee or brush their hair? No thank you.

I wouldn't give those things up for anything if I could help it.

But then I'm not interested in being rich or famous either. People have different priorities. I wouldn't want Beyonce's life and I'm quite sure she wouldn't want mine.

Hm, well, from a social point of view, it is good that they create jobs, assuming they pay the nannies well.

In fact, all millionaires should have dozens of (well-paid) servants. After all, that all is money they don't spend on wasting natural resources (mostly oil) by buying fancy cars and shit.

Still seems weird to have that many nannies.

Insight

How will your children learn to negotiate conflict with people that love them?

Eating together (unless you have an eating disorder) is one of life's pleasures and social bonding experiences.

What you deem 'shit' is life

mrsRosaPimento agree. I love that the person my son wants most when he's vomiting is me. Not Dad. He feta to remake the bed. Momma. Even has a preferred shoulder to vomit on hahahahh but its Momma who is safety and comfort. Not the 100k per year help

I would hate having staff full stop, and I would especially hate having someone else living in my house and parenting my child. I know a family where a nanny raised the children, three close in age, nanny was fired unceremoniously by the mother when the children started calling nanny mummy. The mum didn't work she just couldn't be arsed caring for her own children and their relationships aren't great as adults. I also worked as a mothers help for a while, and it wasn't just the 'shit' jobs like nit combing and making and supervising dinner I was doing, mum didn't want (or have any books bar mr men) to do bedtime stories, or sit and chat with them after school/nursery. She was in the house while I was doing all of this, ignoring her 3 children, often didn't even come to say goodnight to them when I put them to bed. It never ends up being the nanny just doing the shit bits, they do the nice bits too and I think it's cruel to let a child bond with someone in their early years and to then rip that person away when they no longer need so much childcare. The way the wealthy traditionally don't raise their children is nothing to be desired imo.

I just had to laugh at Insights post.

Going off point. A nanny confided in me that the children she works for have their own driver and our chauffeured everywhere ! She said because of this, they cannot cope being on public transport and has been a real disadvantage. They have no SEN. I wonder how children like these, who have nannies, chauffeur etc. Adjust to significant changes (e.g. Parents who can no longer afford a nanny, drivers etc).

I always wonder how parents who rely so heavily on a Nanny cope with a really poorly child. To go from abdicating responisibilty for all but the fun bits tobeing in hospital 24/7, giving medicines and pinning a child to your chest whilst people stick needles into them etc. As a parent who does all the jobs whether you use childcare or not its sinoky an extension but if you're fitting the clean fed children into your schedule what suddenly happens when they vomit for 3 days continuously in a cramped hospital ward?

Am I the only one who doesn't want a nanny? Your children need to see you and feel loved by you not nanny's. I get sometimes you could do with a bit of help and alone time, we all do in I do but bloody eight they must never see them. How do you need eight nanny's seriously. But each to their own.

Oh I read more I guess I'm not the only one haha

Threads like this exemplify why the world is just wrong. The egregiously disproportionate allocation of wealth . . . .

mrsRosaPimento

When your dcs hurt themselves who do they run to? I bet it's the nanny as they're there most of the time and do the actual parenting.

Happily you're wrong. I don't know what led you to "bet". Maybe you were hoping to be right so that I'd feel bad about myself. Who knows.

My daughter was / is very sick. Do I feel more motherly than you when giving her life-saving medication or cuddling her after she comes out of Ped ICU because you have washed a cut knee?

IdentifiesAsYoda

How will your children learn to negotiate conflict with people that love them?

What do you mean? Why is it any different to a child without a nanny?

Theymisheardme

I always wonder how parents who rely so heavily on a Nanny cope with a really poorly child. To go from abdicating responisibilty for all but the fun bits tobeing in hospital 24/7, giving medicines and pinning a child to your chest whilst people stick needles into them etc.

Our DD was very sick when she was born. She took huge amounts of medicine and had had 3 major surgeries in her first year, 2 surgeries in her second year and 1 last year. We coped. It was us who slept at the hospital, pinned her down, worried, read, cried, made potentially life-changing decisions and all the other aspects of having a sick child. When our children have stomach bugs or whatever else, it's us who looks after them, changes the sheets, rocks them to sleep etc. The bit we miss out on is washing the bedding the enxt morning.

Having a nanny (especially live out) isn't about abdicating responsibility, it's the ultimate child care. Assuming you aren't a SAHP until you child is old enough to go to and from school by themselves then someone else will need to be involved in their care. Maybe afterschool activities or a friend or a grandparent or some other arrangement. What we have is a person who knows them well and who we and our children know. They can take them to playdates, care for them and, within reason, do exactly what the children want to do. Rather than a succession of people in a chreche or nursery, our children have a steady life with people who love them.

Without a nanny, a SAHP doesn't get that much more time with their children than we do. Both are at school until 3:10. Three times a week there are after school activities and they'll get home at 5. DH and I are home within 30 minutes of that. I often see my children during the day (benefits of them being at my school) but, of course, I have to be there earlier and stay later than them.

If your children are at school full time but younger (so earlyish to bed), how many hours do you actually see them for on a week day? I bet it isn't as many as you imagine. Even less when you remove the time when you're preparing their dinner etc.

Some people are obviously looking down on me having a nanny. Assuming grandparents aren't an option (and in many cases, even if they are), what better alternatives for childcare are there?

insight I think you just got people's backs up by saying you pity them. There's nothing wrong with your set up.

I think that unless I was working I couldn't justify a nanny. I think seeing your parents do household chores and doing the shit bits in life helps to create a well rounded individual. Perhaps it's not appreciated as a child but I think the result in having any whim catered for by paid staff and your parents just coming for a play when they fancy it, wouldn't make an independent well adjusted adult.

I'm not talking about you insight as you clearly do muck in and basically have a nanny to look after your DC while you work and so you can spend time with your OH each week. Having help with household jobs is fine too, it's another poster's comments about someone they know what I'm referring to.

In the very dim and distant past, I worked as a "celebrity nanny". If they have that many nannies, ime, no. They won't be spending that much time with their kids. It's seen as pretty normal. Oh, the stories I could tell!

I don't believe there is so such thing as quality time. Quantity time is what makes a strong bond between parent and child; or any relationship. Spending lots of time together often will turn into "quality time" anyway as you just have so many more opportunities to have those fun and special moments together.

I do think Beyoncé and Jay-Z must miss a lot of those moments. And if Blue Ivy has different nannies so as not to become attached to them, it seems there is jealousy involved on the parent's part: they must be acutely aware of how close a child becomes to their nanny.

Slightly off-topic but Jay-Z and Beyoncé's relationship has always puzzled me. It's well known that they live very separate lives. I do wonder why they stay together, it seems like they view themselves as more of a "brand" together rather than a loving, husband and wife relationship (the whole Solange in the lift debacle was rumoured to be her outrage about something nasty Jay-Z said/did to Beyoncé).

The Nanny is a temporary employee

Meanwhile, you'll be left with a child that you potentially can't communicate with about things that are difficult

that was to Insight

y the way, your last back rows back considerably from your assertion that you deal with the nice stuff and pity us poor parents who clear up and 'shit' stuff like that

I suspected you couldn't really have meant what you said

Last post rows back