To ask what age you consider to be socially acceptable to have a baby these days?!

[campino]

I'm currently pregnant with my first and from chatting with my 24yo sister today I was shocked when she told me how many of her school friends have had babies of their own already. Not a bad thing by any means but thought it'd be interesting hearing your opinions on what age it goes from "OMG 'X' is pregnant" to "how lovely 'X' is pregnant!"

I'd say 'ideal' age to have children is in your 20's. I would be shocked at an under 18 or over 43 tbh. Just too young & too old.

We live in London and I was generally the youngest mother in the year, even with my 3rd who was born when I was 33. Lots of women didn't meet their partners until they were 32-35. DH was at my father's 50th, things have changed.

I had mine at 30 & 32. Good ages imho as now in mid-40s they're teens and its not physically hard any more.
I was broody from late 20s but it took a while to conceive.
I'd say mid-20s to very early 40s for me.
My parents had me late - they were early 40s - and died young too. I wanted to avoid this for my children if at all possible (yes, anyone can die any time, but the odds as lessened the younger you are).

In terms of young age, I was still having an extension of my partying teen life in my early/mid 20s so wasn't ready for a child then.

I have working class friends who had their first at 15 and were absolutely excellent mothers. They had good support from parents and became equally supportive grandparents in their 30s! I think they'd admit that they lost out on some things in life as a result, but they are very 'family-orientated' people and are seriously happy in their lives.

I have middle class friends who waited until their late 30s, who are bundles of neurotic anxiety and utterly competitive about every little thing concerning their children, to a worrying extent. While their kids have much more materially than the first set, the 'parenting' role is one split between nannies, expensive schools and tutors. While the children will probably benefit from these advantages in terms of their life course, I am not sure they will actually be better loved or cared for. There is more to this than basic finances.

The best mum I know is a SAHP who is home educating. Her kids are absolutely amazing.

Ps: youngest friend age to have kids was 28. One of dh's friends was 22 - I was shocked at the time as my circle were so far from this stage then!!

As long as the parents are in a position to look after their child then I don't think it's my business but it would be disingenuous to pretend that there's not different reactions.
Under 18 - but they're just a kid (even though I know some excellent young mums)
19-25 - reasonably young but life situations can vary drastically e.g. job, house, vs gap year and uni
25-35 - that point where it's a happy surprise but it's actually not that surprising
35-40 - in my circles pushing it late. In DH family circles that's their totally normal.
41-45 - to me, more medically risky but I'd never say anything
46+ feels a little old for me.

But I would never in a million years make any awful comment because of someone age. Their situation makes a massive difference.

I was 18 when I had my first, we bought a house when she was 6 months old and supported her solely on our own with no help from the day she was born as well as both having full time careers. My sister had her DD at 27 with no job or partner living in a homeless hostel. Age is just a number and means absolutely nothing - so I don't judge anybody. The only people I raise an eyebrow to is over 50 just because DH's parents had him young and by 16 both his parents had died, I know you can die at any age but I'm so thankful to have my mum and nan still with it and able to support me emotionally when needed.

Some of the girls Dd 1 went to school with have childrden they are 24 and grown up women so i don't gasp when i hear of "Emma" pregnant I do think oh no if I hear anybody under 17 being pregnant they seem so young I won't judge them though.

I think it depends on the social circumstances, I wouldn't be shocked at an 18 year old married couple with a mortgage announcing a pregnancy, but I would be a bit about a 35 year old couple who lived in a house share, still getting drunk every weekend and not really ready for any responsibility.

However I do think the trend towards leaving babies until much later is a bit perplexing. My partner is 32, and his dad is 70, meaning he was 38 when he was born. Now we are having to care for him whilst raising a young child. My partner never got to do fun things with him as a child because by the time he was 10 his dad was nearly 50. I think more consideration needs to be given to the impact on your child's life when deciding what age to have a child (if you are lucky enough to decide when to have children, of course). A 45 year old parent will be 66 at their child's 21st birthday. It's certainly food for thought.

So I think the sociably acceptable range for me is 20-35.

I think it all depends on the circumstances.

For people who go to university and are settling into a career and have student debts (if they are both the same age) then I think late 20s and early 30s is the earliest.

If the woman is younger and marries and older man so they are financially more secure and he's mature, then a bit younger is okay.

My biggest concern is 'young dads'. IMO it's men who are not ready till they are 30-ish because on the whole men mature much later. Research shows adolescence now last to 25 so I don't think anyone is really ready to parent before then.

Post menopause worries me having fertility treatment to have a baby at 50 seems to old however the women who do this usually have a lot of support im 46 and no way would i want a baby at my age, it is all personal choice isn't it.

Tbf 30yr old dads can be terrible fathers as 20yr old fathers.

Anyone can be a terrible father but I think it's fairly obvious that a lad of 20 is still a very young man in terms of his own maturity. Some will make a success of it, but you can't get away from the stats that marriage and partnerships of younger people break up more than those who are older . So adding a child into that mess is not a good thing.

A lot depends on family circs too . I had no family support due to living 100s miles away from my family. DH and I were well and truly on our own with our DCs. We had ours between 31-35 and even then it was very hard work! It makes a huge difference if there are grandparents, other siblings and extended family around when you have a child.

It's probably because my mum had me (eldest child) at 30, but anything younger than that always surprises me a bit. 25-30 is when your career is starting to get off the ground, surely? I'm 34 and planning on ttc next year and while I feel I've left it a bit late I also know that I wouldn't have been in the financial or emotional best place to raise a child.

FruitCider I think that is a sad scenario (your DH). 38 is really not old to become a father and many 70 yr olds are running marathons and travelling the world- they certainly need 'care'.
My own dad was 38 when my brother was born and age was not a factor. Dad walked the coast to coast at 68!

Don't need care.

Depends on the couple as well, if they are long term and secure etc then it probably wouldn't raise an eyebrow even at 24.

But tbh most of my circle were 30ies, I was comparatively young at 29 with #1. When we were mid twenties we were all enjoying careers, travelling etc...not many were having babies.

70 isn't old! My dad took early retirement from an unusual, physical yet professional role in his mid 50ies due to a good pension 😂 but turned 70 last year and still works various related roles. He volunteers, looks after a large house and garden, and is strong and fit. And not at all unusual amongst his friends.

My mum is nearly 70 and is physically disabled, but still nowhere near the needing care stage.

Is his dad particularly inform FruitCider? Because needing you to care for him at 70 implies as much.

I've not read the full thread yet.
But I'd say generally the attitudes and lifestyles of the people involved. I've been with DH for 8 years, and we've been married for 4. I am 39 weeks pregnant with our first child and we are both 25. But for years I said I didn't want any, then changed it to I wasn't ready for any, then we decided to start trying and kept it to ourselves until we was pregnant. When my mom told family members she was going to be a grandmother the family was guessing my younger brothers and sisters were having children instead of me, and when they found out it was me it was a very much an "OMG IT'S MS.HOPEY" type situation.
I have many friends younger and older than me who have for jobs, and long term partners and settled down, and I always tell then congratulations. And without sounding judgey, which I know i am very much about to, it's the couples who have been together 2 months, have never had jobs, live separately at home with their parents, and smoke weed at the park all day that I think "OMG *** is having a baby". Doesn't really matter if they're 15 or 35, just doesn't seem like a great start to a family unit, but you never know.

You are right Polly I work with mostly younger parents and a lot of the dads have scarpered.

One of my friends found out on our last day of high school that she was pregnant - we were all fairly as was she. 20 years on she's a great mum and a kickarse City lawyer so there you go. No one else had kids pre-28.

For my own DC (male or female) I wouldn't be over the moon if they had kids earlier than 25 - ideally later. But We are late bloomers in my family: I had DS at 33. My mum had her last at 38, Gran at 40, Her mother at 45 (her 9th!!! 😱)

I wouldn't say he's infirm - he has poorly managed type 2 diabetes, Ménière's disease, high BP, peripheral neuropathy. I don't mean personal care when I say he needs caring for, but we've certainly had to start cleaning in and around his toilet due to the amount of dry urine on the floor, we also clean his kitchen and maintain his garden. He's very doddery getting in and out of cars these days. The change in the last 2 years has been significant. 2 years ago he concreted his own garden path!

I was 22 when I had my first and probably, last baby. She was unplanned and tbh, I was a bit like a rabbit in the headlights initially. I was fine in the end and I'm glad I had my DC young on balance, but I wasn't prepared. I wanted to be married, financially secure, other life experiences out the way first. There's never the perfect time though, that's the thing. If people were "raising an eyebrow" when I had her, they should probably get a life and understand that everyone is different.

My dsis had her first, very much planned baby, at 32 (much more "socially acceptable" age) and was certainly in a better place financially and just generally, with a supportive husband etc,than I was. However, she really struggled in the beginning and I wonder if it was because she'd built up the "perfect" scenario too much. As in, she thought she was in it, but babies are hard at any age and I would say she found it harder than me.

In my hometown it's pretty usual to have a kid or 2 before 20, where I am just now I've been met with more of a "gosh 25! You are a really young mum" attitude... people seem to wait til their 30s up here.
I don't think nominally it matters too much, it's more about individual circumstance.

My Mil was infirm at 60 and died at 61 she had a lot of ailments so not eveybody is spritely at 70