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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my husband bu over holiday swimming?

101 replies

Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 10:18

Hi!
My 5yo daughter has had an ear infection. Very painful and bloody pus started running out her ear. I got her straight to gp. Dr Said she has a perforated ear drum. Gave her antibiotics and said keep her dosed up on paracetamol.
Anyway, we go on holiday in two days.
The dr said that she is not to go swimming for 2 weeks. When I explained we were off on holiday she said if we were very careful she could paddle/ splash round at the shore line with Vaseline soaked cotton ball taped over her ear and a swim hat on. She was not to submerge her head.
I told dh. He groaned and rolled his eyes and said "we'll see what my mum says"
His mum was a nurse 20 years ago and hasn't examined her
Dh thinks dd will ok in the pool if we just get some of those putty ear plugs and a swimming head band thing.
Dd loves to swim and is always jumping in and out and going under the water
I know it would be disappointing for her not to be able to go in the pool- but I think that it would be better than causing her serious pain and a potentially much more serious ear infection.
She has never worn earplugs before and I don't know how well they would work with all her jumping and diving.
Aibu? Am I being over cautious? Or is he being unreasonable and endangering Dd's health for an easy life?
Does any one have experience of perforated eardrums? Btw?!
Sp

OP posts:
elevenclips · 26/07/2017 10:21

What a prick. Bet he has never experienced the pain of an ear infection and perforated ear drum.

Let's see what my mummee says. Holy fuck how unattractive.

TeaBelle · 26/07/2017 10:21

Sorry but your dh is being massively unreasonable. He is literally risking your child's hearing.

Also, if she is in any pain at all, those putty type plugs need really forcing into your ear to form a seal so won't be useable if her ear is sore.

elevenclips · 26/07/2017 10:22

If you force plugs into a damaged/infected ear it will make everything worse. Your dh is clueless and very arrogant. Hopefully his mother is not as thick as him.

Wellthen · 26/07/2017 10:23

You are right - it isnt worth the pain and infection. How arrogant is your DH to think his mum knows better?!

A childhood friend had this the whole of her childhood - specially made ear plugs and swimming hat EVERY time she went swimming. She never went under, we weren't allowed to spash her etc. But she still joined in with swimming in the sea and pool.

If you think she will listen and follow instructions when told no jumping in and no under water swimming then I think you can let her swim with a swimming hat and cotton wool balls.

If ear plugs would be enough then the GP would have said so. If she submerges her head then water will get in, its as simple as that.

Shockers · 26/07/2017 10:24

Are you flying? I imagine that could be very painful with an ear infection. Could you claim on your insurance with a letter from the GP, and re-book?

SuperStormborn · 26/07/2017 10:24

I don't think you are BU at all. Unfortunate she won't be able to swim properly, however just explain her health is much more important. Perhaps buy a float over there so she can lie on it in the water? Sticking ear plugs in an infected ear doesn't sound like the greatest idea at all, so i would follow the Doctor's advice Smile

HicDraconis · 26/07/2017 10:25

YANBU and your DH is being ridiculously. You would be an absolute idiot to let her swim, jump in or submerge her head. If water gets into her middle ear (through the hole) she's at risk of a really nasty infection. Earplugs/putty things make no difference to water entry (it's been studied, water still got through the hole into the middle ear).

Although why you think your DH will listen to MN when he obviously prefers to listen to a nurse 20y out of date than a doctor I don't know.

fairgame84 · 26/07/2017 10:27

Nope nope nope. Your DH is BU.
I had a perforated eardrum for years and used to get infections that lasted months. I had to have surgery to repair it in the end and my hearing has never been the same since.
You must keep her ears dry, she cannot swim. I'm a qualified paeds nurse as well.

SheSaidHeSaid · 26/07/2017 10:30

I've had a perforated ear drum myself and there is no flipping way I'd go swimming until it was completely healed because I wouldn't want to risk it either getting worse or not healing.

Your DH has obviously had the fortune of never suffering the same or else he wouldn't suggest it.

Original poster
Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 10:34

Ok- thanks for the messages. I think I do need to say no pool. I think she wouldn't be able to stop her self going under/ jumping/ diving if I let her in because she'd be excited and it's what she's used to. I will just try together her enthusiastic about paddling at the beach.
I did ask the dr about flying and she said it would be ok- other wise, yes I would cancel it.
I was worried about ear plug use- but hearing they aren't water tight anyway means they are surely next to useless?!
Poor love. She does seem a bit more comfortable today 4 doses of ab.
Hopefully I can get his mum on side.
She is actually very nice- and knowledgable- but not a dr and like I said hasn't even seen her ear!
Sp x

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 26/07/2017 10:34

Oh bless her, my dp had that a few years ago and it's hell. I hope she's not too uncomfortable with it.

Your completely right, my dps ear was so bad he had to have an operation on his ear, unless your dp wants the same for her then he needs to listen to the doctor.

Hope she recovers soon.

Original poster
Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 10:35

Thanks fairgame- very useful!

OP posts:
Original poster
Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 10:36

I definitely don't want to have an op. The trauma of letting the dr look in it with a little torch think was bad enough for her!

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 26/07/2017 10:36

Also, I'd give her some carpal before getting on the plane. My dp was in agony when he flew with his ear, the next time he flew he took paracetamol before take off and it really helped.

DearMrDilkington · 26/07/2017 10:36

Calpol* not carpalHmm

Shoxfordian · 26/07/2017 10:38

Definitely keep her out of the pool as the Doctor said. Your dh is totally unreasonable.

DearMrDilkington · 26/07/2017 10:39

Oh and the operation my dp had hasn't brought back his hearing completely either. Her dad needs to understand if he doesn't follow the doctors advice she could end up partially deaf like my dp.

Original poster
Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 10:40

Yes dearmrsd will def do the cal pol before flight. Good idea

OP posts:
Original poster
Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 10:41

Sorry to hear your dp never regained his full hearing. That's so scary to think that can all come from "just" an ear infection

OP posts:
Boredomismyenemy · 26/07/2017 10:42

Your DH needs to listen to the advice you've been given. My DD suffered a perforated eardrum with an infection, she then subsequently failed the school hearing test and we ended up having a referral the hospital as the damage had not healed properly and was interfering with her hearing. Thankfully they diagnosed that her ear was slow to heal and to give it three months before we discuss intervention, and in that time it finally healed. A good year after the initial infection. And that was following all advice to the letter.

BrieAndChilli · 26/07/2017 10:44

DS2 had too many to count perforated ear drums when he was little and had grommets when he was 3, one eardrum now has a hole which is 40% of his eardrum, he has a specially made ear plug which is molded to his ear shape and even with that and a head band he isn't allowed to jump in or put his head under water.
He has very bad hearing and may need hearing aids until he has an operation when he is 12 to repair the hole (they don't do it any earlier due to growth etc)

Serialweightwatcher · 26/07/2017 10:44

Absolutely no pool - don't risk it at all ... there must be other things she can do ... he's being an idiot even contemplating it .. even a less severe ear infection would be too risky, but this is crazy

Original poster
Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 10:46

Wow Boredom and Brie - they both sound really serious. I'm going to have to be very stubborn about this. Sp x

OP posts:
Hissy · 26/07/2017 10:47

Your DH is an idiot. HIs mother WAS a nurse decades ago, the advice then is different to what it is now.

And anyway... surely erring on the side of caution with your own child isbetter than risking things jut cos?

Your DD will be perfectly happy paddling on the shoreline, with the appropriate dressings and a hat.
Anything else is DH being selfish

ButtfaceMiscreant · 26/07/2017 10:47

I had a perforated ear drum from the age of around 2 (we think). I couldn't stand even the tiniest splash of water in it (hair washing was fun). My mum took me tk have my ear syringed and that was the most painful experience. After that episode the Dr finally agreed I needed to have it repaired via an op - I had 1mm left of my own eardrum in total Hmm. I was 10 when it was finally repaired, although they then ruptured it again when removing the packing once healed. I will never have full hearing in that ear.

Please follow the Dr's advice to give her ear the best chance to heal itself. Ignore your DH, he is being an idiot.