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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my husband bu over holiday swimming?

101 replies

Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 10:18

Hi!
My 5yo daughter has had an ear infection. Very painful and bloody pus started running out her ear. I got her straight to gp. Dr Said she has a perforated ear drum. Gave her antibiotics and said keep her dosed up on paracetamol.
Anyway, we go on holiday in two days.
The dr said that she is not to go swimming for 2 weeks. When I explained we were off on holiday she said if we were very careful she could paddle/ splash round at the shore line with Vaseline soaked cotton ball taped over her ear and a swim hat on. She was not to submerge her head.
I told dh. He groaned and rolled his eyes and said "we'll see what my mum says"
His mum was a nurse 20 years ago and hasn't examined her
Dh thinks dd will ok in the pool if we just get some of those putty ear plugs and a swimming head band thing.
Dd loves to swim and is always jumping in and out and going under the water
I know it would be disappointing for her not to be able to go in the pool- but I think that it would be better than causing her serious pain and a potentially much more serious ear infection.
She has never worn earplugs before and I don't know how well they would work with all her jumping and diving.
Aibu? Am I being over cautious? Or is he being unreasonable and endangering Dd's health for an easy life?
Does any one have experience of perforated eardrums? Btw?!
Sp

OP posts:
KimmySchmidt1 · 26/07/2017 10:49

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

As a child and adult who did a lot of swimming and suffered frequent ear infections, probably the most painful thing in the world, I can say without doubt that your husband is wrong and your daughter should definitely not risk going in the pool, it is just the sort of thing that will kick off her ear infection. Your husband is being super ignorant and thoughtless about her pain and discomfort.

Nurses are not as well qualified as doctors, especially not retired ones that haven't practiced for 20 years.

MrsOverTheRoad · 26/07/2017 10:49

My nephew had similar...he ended up having his head opened up to scrape out infection which actually was risking his life. It was terrible....he's completely deaf on that side now.

Original poster
Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 10:54

Butt face and kimmy those sound very painful. No swimming for us. Thank you. Mrsoverroad- how scary. Hope he is recovered although of course his hearing won't be. Poor little guy.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 26/07/2017 10:55

As I child I had grommets and went on a family holiday to Majorca where I couldn't get water in my ear. All these years later I still remember it, but it really didn't ruin the time for me - probably did for my Mum who was on constant alert. I was allowed to paddle carefully!

Funnily enough, when DS had grommets he was allowed to swim, so things have obviously changed.

With a bit of luck, your MIL will be 'old school' - I would talk to her beforehand, and say that you need her support to convince your DH.

Have a great holiday anyway!

RB68 · 26/07/2017 10:56

They don't say these things for the sake of it and practices change - if they can't follow instructions then no water - you will have to think of other entertainment.

craftsy · 26/07/2017 10:56

How is your relationship with your MIL. Can you call her pre-emptively and describe your daughter's ear and the doctor's statements to her in a way that will ensure she has your back. That way when your DH talks to her she will set him straight.

RB68 · 26/07/2017 10:57

I would also say that if the infection does not heal then there is also the risk of it effecting the small bones in the ear and potentially causing total deafness never mind partial. Look out for swelling behind the earlobe area and if in doubt visit local GP on holiday

RB68 · 26/07/2017 10:57

I think craftsy's idea is good - get on phone and discuss how poorly she has been etc

000PuraVida000 · 26/07/2017 11:01

definitely keep her out of the pool (unless just paddling). Are you flying? you need to be very careful - take advice given the pressure conditions in the cabin

StaplesCorner · 26/07/2017 11:02

Your poor DD - DH is being an arse - does he have form?

Did your GP know you were flying when you saw him? Please make sure you have the all clear to fly as pain in the ear at several thousand feet is scary. I agree with a PP who said about checking cancellation on the insurance.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 11:06

I don't understand otherwise loving parents who are prepared to permanently damage their children

I never mess around with eyes or ears

I am medical professionals all the way with those Smile

When dd was 7 she broke her arm on one of the first days of the school holidays. Swimming was incredibly difficult so we gave up (quite funny to start with, she was like a shark with her plaster cast being the fin...she couldn't keep her head and arm out if the water at the same time)

I hope you have a lovely holiday

Original poster
Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 11:08

Yes- go knew we were flying and said was ok. Will def try to get mil on side. I know she will want best for dd. I know dh does too----but he does like an easy life and not having to listen to dd upset about not playing in the pool does make for a more pleasant holiday. Sp

OP posts:
Original poster
Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 11:09

Dh is more likely to listen to him mum than me or a dr tbh

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 26/07/2017 11:11

DH would say something like that- well, not about asking his mum, but he sometimes has ideas totally at odds with those of the medical profession. When ds1 had conjunctivitis he was very sniffy about the diagnosis and the medication prescribed, because apparently an eye infection is caused by a draft(!!!) and the best and most effective treatments are avoiding drafts and bathing the eye with chamomile tea. Chamomile tea can be somewhat helpful, sure, but he genuinely believed (probably still does but knows better than to express this to me!) that it was a far better and more appropriate treatment than the prescribed eye ointment.

I am in charge of the children's health. I love DH and he would die for our dc but he has not impressed me with his thinking around medical issues.

StaplesCorner · 26/07/2017 11:11

Umm, you're not giving him a very good press here OP - he likes an easy life and listens to his mum?!

Hersetta427 · 26/07/2017 11:14

I think keeping a 5 yr old out of a pool with be nigh on impossible and will really spoil everyone's holiday. I would ask the dr to say she is not fit to fly and try and cancel and go another time.

GeorgiePeachie · 26/07/2017 11:16

I'm surprised that the DR said she's okay to fly. on top of a ear infection and perforated ear drum to be under that kind of pressure would be unbareable. I think she'll scream the whole way.

Magicpaintbrush · 26/07/2017 11:19

Sorry but your DH is being an immature idiot about this and putting your DDs health and hearing at risk - and for what? A bit of swimming? There will be other holidays but your DD only has one set of ears.

I know somebody who has suffered terribly with ear infections and in the end had a major because the infection had travelled so far down the ear canal towards the brain that there was a risk of meningitis as a result. They had to cut away part of his outer ear and re-attach it afterwards to gain access the part of his inner ear that needed attention. These things can be serious if you fail to follow doctor's advice.

Ecclesiastes · 26/07/2017 11:19

He likes an easy life? Chap sounds like an absolute arse.

Magicpaintbrush · 26/07/2017 11:20

'major operation' I meant to say!

BrieAndChilli · 26/07/2017 11:20

Flying is actually better with a perforated ear drum as it's the pressure in the inner ear that cause the discomfort and with a perforation the hole means there is no difference in pressure so no popping and no pain

Cherubneddy1 · 26/07/2017 11:22

Sorry, another horror story here! I had a perforated ear drum last year and the infection spread from my middle ear to my brain and I ended up with bacterial meningitis and nearly died. I'm completely deaf in that ear now, permanently.
Admittedly that's very rare and I wasn't treated soon enough, but not worth taking any risks with a perforation.

Maryz · 26/07/2017 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyWinterstorm · 26/07/2017 11:23

your dH is the problem here, wants an easy life, would rather his daughter was in pain than for him having to say "sorry, no swimming" and deal with the fall out

MN depresses me, with so many women married to wankers Sad

Maryz · 26/07/2017 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.