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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my husband bu over holiday swimming?

101 replies

Spottyparrot99 · 26/07/2017 10:18

Hi!
My 5yo daughter has had an ear infection. Very painful and bloody pus started running out her ear. I got her straight to gp. Dr Said she has a perforated ear drum. Gave her antibiotics and said keep her dosed up on paracetamol.
Anyway, we go on holiday in two days.
The dr said that she is not to go swimming for 2 weeks. When I explained we were off on holiday she said if we were very careful she could paddle/ splash round at the shore line with Vaseline soaked cotton ball taped over her ear and a swim hat on. She was not to submerge her head.
I told dh. He groaned and rolled his eyes and said "we'll see what my mum says"
His mum was a nurse 20 years ago and hasn't examined her
Dh thinks dd will ok in the pool if we just get some of those putty ear plugs and a swimming head band thing.
Dd loves to swim and is always jumping in and out and going under the water
I know it would be disappointing for her not to be able to go in the pool- but I think that it would be better than causing her serious pain and a potentially much more serious ear infection.
She has never worn earplugs before and I don't know how well they would work with all her jumping and diving.
Aibu? Am I being over cautious? Or is he being unreasonable and endangering Dd's health for an easy life?
Does any one have experience of perforated eardrums? Btw?!
Sp

OP posts:
WhichJob · 26/07/2017 11:25

I had a burst ear drum when I was a child and it was utter hell, I can still remember the pain. I used to wake up crying and I also wasn't allowed to swim on our summer holiday which was hard as I loved the water. I have had ear problems ever since so please don't do anything that could potentially exacerbate things for her.

Notknownatthisaddress · 26/07/2017 11:26

WOW, I agree that your DH is a nob, and saying 'I will see what me mam says' is painfully fucking hilarious, and yet sad and pathetic.

Your daughter may not have such of a great time as she would if she didn't have a poorly ear. But she can have another holiday next year.

She can't get her hearing back if that fuc's up.

Don't ignore the doctor's advice. Your husband is acting like a prick.

Kittychatcat · 26/07/2017 11:28

Unless your DH works as an ent or paediatric consultant, I.e. More qualified than your gp, ignore what he is saying. I'd spend less time around the pool and go on sightseeing trips or do other activities to avoid the water issue as much as possible.

PotOfYoghurt · 26/07/2017 11:28

Oh god no, I've perforated my ear drum three times in the last year and the surrounding infections and hearing loss and pain and pressure were horrific.

I've also flown with a perforated ear drum and it's been fine, my doctor said that as there is a hole in the drum it doesn't need to equalise the pressure so flying isn't painful. But a couple of months after, when it's just healed, is a bad time to fly because it could cause it to rupture again as it's still quite week (as mine did at the beginning of a 24 hour trip from NZ to the UK)

SukiTheDog · 26/07/2017 11:29

Umm....the doctor (being a qualified medic) is in the position of being able to give advice because he/she is a Dr. Your DH, is not entitled to give advice, as presumably he is not. A doctor, that is. Very simple.

WhichJob · 26/07/2017 11:30

Sounds like he wants alternative facts.

slookiroo · 26/07/2017 11:32

As someone who has had massive issues with water and ear infections/perforated ear drum... Don't let her go swimming. I was ill for months and now can't swim etc without using custom made ridiculously expensive ear plugs.

I've flown with a bad infection and it was very painful, but the drum wasn't perforated at the time.

Please ignore your DH as you can't underestimate how painful ear issues can be.

KurriKurri · 26/07/2017 11:34

If he insists the poor little one swims then he is the one who takes her back to the doc and says 'yes I know what you said, I ignored you because I was too lazy to find other ways to entertain her'

I had a nasty ear infection, perforated drum - it took a good two months before my hearing was back to normal, and that was with following all the instructions carefully and several courses of anti biotics.
Why on earth would he want to risk her being poorly again for the sake of swimming ? - there must be loads of other fun things for her to do on holiday. Hope your MIL tells him he's an idiot.

MuvaWifey77 · 26/07/2017 11:34

I'm with elevenclips.. how unattractive and stupid of him. I hope they don't have a Norman and Norma Bates type of relationship...

follow your doctors advice . I would only allow my son near it , with his feet in water, nothing else.

JaneEyre70 · 26/07/2017 11:36

My DH had a perforated eardrum when he was in his early teens. He had to have plastic surgery to repair the hole in his eardrum, and is around 80% deaf in that ear. If you let dirty pool water (riddled with bacteria in spite of chlorine) into an infected ear, you are risking her hearing. It's not worth it, however disappointing.

Floellabumbags · 26/07/2017 11:38

Your poor daughter. Another one here who's had a perforated ear drum. My ear has never been the same, I get loads of infections and have tinnitus. Not worth risking it.

TSSDNCOP · 26/07/2017 11:39

I have a child susceptible to ear infections. Frankly i would abandon the pool completely, pop to ELC and get every sand toy I can and hit the beach instead.

RhubardGin · 26/07/2017 11:40

The problem here is your DH.

Tell him to stop being such a mummies boy, such a turn off!

000PuraVida000 · 26/07/2017 11:40

This says do not go swimming

FridgeCut · 26/07/2017 11:44

Another person who's DH is deaf in one ear following ear infections. He has had mastoidectomy and three ear drum grafts. I get that your DH is sad and wants to make this ok, but he can't. Ears are so delicate and important it just isn't worth the risk.

She is fine to fly, DH burst his other bloody ear drum on a stag do earlier in the year, he said it was the most comfotable his ears ever have been on a flight..

FuckYouLinda · 26/07/2017 11:45

Half deaf due to diving with a perforated ear drum here some years back.

Follow exactly the medical advice to minimise permanent damage.

BillywigSting · 26/07/2017 12:03

Echoing pp here saying your dp ibMASSIVELYu. I caught an ear infection from a pool on holiday and ended up with a perforated ear drum (was actually less painful after it popped and loads of the puss came
out so the pressure was relieved.)

Antibiotics and lots of paracetamol and ibuprofen (which helps with inflammation not just pain). Getting the slightest drop of water in my ear was excruciating so the no swimming while disappointing wasn't as difficult as you might think.

Fingers crossed you get his mum on side for your dd's sake

TheSquatLobster · 26/07/2017 12:07

Are there lots of other things you can do on holiday, so you can avoid pool/beach completely? Much easier to have lots of other little treats to look forward to, rather than to have to restrict her play (and feel anxious the whole holiday, yourself).

Good luck. Hope she feels better soon, and you all still have a good time.

jamdonut · 26/07/2017 12:07

Just wanted to say those putty ear plugs are a faff. We had a child who had to have them when we took kids swimming at school. They were really difficult to keep in, even with the headband that goes with them. Not to mention hair getting stuck in them and the palava that went with that.
I think your DH is being very unreasonable!

Toysaurus · 26/07/2017 12:10

My ex's mum was a nurse. Pretty shit one as far as I'm concerned. She goes against medical advice given for my child then I have the week after she's home from the two days they look after her paying out for medications and looking after her off school because mum is a nurse.

YANBU.

hazeydays14 · 26/07/2017 12:17

Obviously your daughter's health is the absolute most important thing to consider.

As well as that, ignoring medical advice can void your travel insurance. I.e. if your DH takes DD swimming and her condition gets worse and she needs treatment, the insurance may not cover this because the doctor has already advised against swimming. Some of the medical bills from abroad are Shock so that can only add to the argument against swimming IMO!!

Penfold007 · 26/07/2017 12:22

Spotty your daughter will be travelling with a pre-existing medical condition and may not be covered by your travel insurance.

bigbluebus · 26/07/2017 12:31

As a child I suffered from lots of ear infections. I can assure you the medical advice then was defintely no swimming so hopefully MIL's ancient experience and advice will reflect this!

nigelsbigface · 26/07/2017 12:35

My dad had an operation on her ear two years ago as she had had so many ear infections aged 3-9 that hasn't been treated properly (by the GP) that her ear drum has degraded.
She had the op a week before we were due to go to Egypt with the same advice given re swimming.
She followed the advice albeit with a lot of morning (as it was boiling and she just wanted to swim), but somehow managed to get her ear wet-cue a trip to hotel dr...and more pain for her.

Your h is being ridiculous...'my mother hasn't examined her' come on now...