To tell DH he needs to replace this out of his own pocket

[GandolfBold]

DH decided to use our dyson to clean the garage floor, which made the inside filthy. His solution was to try and wash it out (told him it was a bad idea but this was ignored). Dyson now gone to the utility room in the sky.

I have a kilner jar I save my change in, and have been saving for ages for a specific purpose. Tonight DH has said I should take it to the bank and use the money to replace the Dyson.

AIBU to say to him that he needs to replace it out of his own pocket? He can afford to, and he is the reason why its broken.

@PyongyangKipperbang

Notknown Calling it "pocket money" started as a joke when DH was waiting for a replacement debit card and asked me, Oliver Twist style, if he could please have his pocket money and it just stuck. Its the money that we both have that we take out of the joint account for our own use.

But you knew that, didn't you?

Yes of COURSE I knew that because I'm fucking psychic.

I just love posters who say one thing, then make out they meant something else (to suit their agenda,) then make out you're some kind of twat because you should have known all along what they meant!

@fluffypinkpyjamas

Me neither. It is a vacuum cleaner, it belongs to the occupants of the house, it is for everyone to use and if it breaks/gets broken, a new one is purchased. Jars and separate finances in a marriage is weird.

This ^

People can feel free to have separate accounts - when married - by all means, but we who don't have one are within our rights to find it odd. And if someone earns quite a bit less than the other, there is always going to be some kind of conflict, because the higher earner often seems to keep their 'extra money' to themselves, leaving their partner struggling a bit.

Like I said, when I see a couple who have been together, and married for quite a few years saying 'you owe me this,' and 'you owe me that' and 'I'm not getting the item you want me to get unless you give me the money first,' and splitting their dinner bill down to the last penny, and arguing because one had a more expensive starter, it just makes me cringe.

To be honest, people I know personally, who have separate finances, don't seem as close as a couple, as people who share their finances.

What's wrong with saving in a jar? We have a ceramic football which gets filled with shrapnel (2p and 1p pieces) and then I have three little jars with 5p, 10p, an 20p pieces which I either use for the kids or put into savings account every few month for our holidays, but before very the money goes into my purse or hub's wallet, it comes from a joint bank account. The only money which is "mine" is anything I get from selling my books, which ultimately gets put back into paying for book related things (laptops, journals, research, paperback copies and book Fest's/signings) or back into the family in the form of a meal out.

• delete the word very. Not sure how that got in there.

**To be honest, people I know personally, who have separate finances, don't seem as close as a couple, as people who share their finances

Find that so judgemental.

I think it's nice to be able to buy my DH gifts for special occasions without using his own money and vice versa.

My DH did the exact same thing. But when the expensive fusion died, he went and got my Miele cat and dog and killed it too. Couldn't understand why both stopped working as he hovered the wet carpet in his makeshift gym😒

Fusion=dyson

It's a f**king vaccuum cleaner. Buy a new one, eat from Lidl instead of M&S for the next few weeks to save the extra pennies, and then work out what is wrong in your marriage that's causing you to argue about such a ridiculous thing.

Yeah he needs to buy you a new one and a slap up dinner.

We have a joint account. Wages get paid into it then we leave what we need in there for direct debits then the rest of the money goes into savings and then into our separate accounts where we spend as we like. We do sub each other but we dont ask for it back or take the piss either. Works for us probably wont work for others. Best not to let money rule a relationship by bickering over it.

"I have said this to him BTW, he think IABU to not replace it because 'I use it!'."

Of course he should replace it. BUT - this screams out far more. There is SO much wrong with this. It sounds as though your DH not only expects you to buy cleaning equipment, he actually expects you to do all the cleaning as WifeWork? Not acceptable.

Eh? He should rrplace it but this is another of these scenarios where couples have separate money, which I can't even get my head round.

He should replace it.

We are another separate finances couple here. I can't understand how you share the finances....bills and food etc we budget for the month then split in half and use this from a joint account. What ever we each have left from our respective wages is ours to do as we wish. I don't understand why that is so odd, I thought it was the norm until I joined mumsnet

OP, what did you do? Has the Dyson returned to live? Have you tried to dry it thoroughly again?

You could get your Dyson fixed with spares or at a shop, will be cheaper than a new one. Or claim on house insurance.

The OP didn't say there was separate finances !! She said they have separate spending money
Myself and my husband have Seperate spending money , I spend mine on vodka and pub lunches , he saves his
That way no one can say I'm spending the household budget on vodka
Yes he should pay for it absolutely !
Why should it come out of the joint account because he was being a dick

Just go on strike, no vacuuming until he replaces the vacuum cleaner he broke!
If that doesn't work within a few days (gets a reaction from him) stop washing his bloody clothes and definitely do no ironing. When he says "I'm running out of pants/socks/shirts" tell him " well......as the dyson appears to me my own personal 'toy' I thought the washer and iron were mine too. I don't want to risk breaking them now do I? As I can't afford to replace them too. Silly me, I thought we was a family, how wrong I was, as apparently I'm responsible for replacing all my toys, so, sorry love, but I'm not using MY toys on you"