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To feel hurt and being treated like this,am I over reacting?

79 replies

Lauraagh · 25/07/2017 10:07

After swearing off men for years in March I met a guy off tinder.
Texted for 3 weeks before we met and got on brilliant,had our first date,got on well,conversation was great,felt comfortable etc.
Had another 8-9 dates after that all brilliant and he initiated every date.
We text/spoke every day and then he asked if we were gf/bf I said of course.
He spoke about the future and I thought everything was good.
Only problem he didn't drive and had to take public transport over (1 hour) and it was starting to become a lot after 10 hour shifts at work.
Anyway it got to June and one week out of the blue I noticed he wasn't texting as much and we felt a bit distant.
I asked was he ok? Stressed with work? Or was he not really into it etc,I said if distance is a problem or you think it won't work let me know.
He said he was stressed with work.
He stayed at mine on the Friday night and he spoke about plans for my birthday.
I never seen him again.
He just disappeared,no explanation nothing.
I sent him a message 3 weeks later and he replied "having a tough time at the mo,you did nothing wrong"
(The 3 weeks he was silent he still had me on Facebook and snapchat)
1 week later he removed me from social media ..the next day he was listed as "in a relationship with xxxx xxxxx"
So basically that was why he did it.
She was a local girl to him and lived in his town.
I'm so hurt,I know it was only a matter of months but I was falling in love with him.
I'm still struggling and don't understand what I did wrong.
He went from 1 week saying he missed me and making a effort exhausted after work to see me to being with someone else.

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 25/07/2017 10:09

He is a cunt.

Sorry you feel so bad but you did absolutely nothing wrong.


Alicia555 · 25/07/2017 10:11

Tinder is the worst! Most of the people on there don't just talk to one person!


user1499786242 · 25/07/2017 10:11

Had quite a similar situation happen! It's shit! You deserve so much better!


DirtyChaiLatte · 25/07/2017 10:12

I'm so sorry. That's such a shitty thing to do to someone.

Just remember that you're not losing someone worthwhile because he wouldn't have dropped you in such a cowardly way if we was worth having.

He's the cowardly shit and you did nothing wrong.


Lauraagh · 25/07/2017 10:13

The worst bit is I allowed myself to trust him.
I hand on heart didn't think he was capable of being so cruel.
It's made me question my ability to judge people.

OP posts:

ExplodedCloud · 25/07/2017 10:14

You didn't do anything wrong.


lanouvelleheloise · 25/07/2017 10:15

Oh wow, what a bastard.

Not surprised you are hurt and confused. You've been led down the garden path.



Shoxfordian · 25/07/2017 10:16

He's an idiot

Be happy you found out at an early stage and move onto the next one.


Lauraagh · 25/07/2017 10:18

He was obviously messaging even meeting her same time as me,deciding who he wanted to be with etc.
I keep thinking if I lived closer to him might it have worked out but then I think he would still be capable of treating you like this regardleds

OP posts:

BenedictCumberbeyatch · 25/07/2017 10:21

What a prick, didn't have the guts to end it when you gave him the chance (probably keeping options open incase it didn't work out with local girl) him being lovely was probably all fake too, I think you've had a lucky escape from this man, anyone who can treat you so poorly is not worth your time or your tears.
You deserve better.Flowers


Lauraagh · 25/07/2017 10:25

Him having a lot of exs should of been a warning sign to me.
I still have feelings for him,that's pathetic isn't it after this?

OP posts:

Lauraagh · 25/07/2017 10:26

I had this gut feeling something had changed,you know when you just know.
It was so fast.
It wasn't like a buildup over a few weeks it was days he changed.
Someone else clearly had got his attention

OP posts:

Serialweightwatcher · 25/07/2017 10:28

Poor you - of course you will feel hurt, that's a rotten thing to do - basically he was weighing up the pros and cons and this new one will get hurt too because he's obviously a pig ... wonder if she knows about you Flowers


Lauraagh · 25/07/2017 10:30

I can't bring myself to go back on tinder.
I might just try the old fashioned way.
I just want someone who is honest and decent.

OP posts:

ChickenBhuna · 25/07/2017 10:32

You're the lucky one OP , you escaped.

This girl is now stuck with this 'prize' of a man that is clearly a twat.

Be kind to yourself, you did nothing wrong.


SaucyJack · 25/07/2017 10:32

Ah, that's shit.

The distance isn't an excuse for his behaviour tho. A half-decent man would have had the morals to break it off before going shopping for a replacement.

Allow yourself one week of wallowing, and then draw a line and move on.

He isn't worth any more headspace.


Nettletheelf · 25/07/2017 10:33

What a twat. And a coward. Just remember that this isn't about you and that he's probably done it to lots of people. What a hollow, empty life he must have.

Yes, I remember that gut feeling where you just know that something has changed in the relationship. It's horrible. Spend a week getting over it then don't give him any more of your time. Move on. That's the best revenge.


Nettletheelf · 25/07/2017 10:34

I see that saucy jack is also in the 'one week recovery' camp!


Lauraagh · 25/07/2017 10:36

It makes me laugh because I said
"Is this over?"
6 hours later
"You tell me"
I say "I still want to be with you"
Nothing then 24 hrs later I post a picture on snapchat ready to go on a night out and straight away he replies "okay"
Total head **#%

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/07/2017 10:38

Just remember what a loving and caring person you are. You absolutely had a lucky escape. Don't let this experience wth this dickhead ruin your life forever. The old fashioned way sounds good. When you are ready.


HerOtherHalf · 25/07/2017 10:39

You did nothing wrong. He's just a dick. Sorry he hurt you but don't look to blame yourself.


Mummyoflittledragon · 25/07/2017 10:39

Just read your update. Never never make someone your first choice when they see you as an option. Tell him you're no longer interested.


chocatoo · 25/07/2017 10:40

Don't give up - there are decent men out there but you may have to kiss a lot of frogs. Try to enjoy 'the journey' rather than focusing on the destination iyswim.


Lauraagh · 25/07/2017 10:43

I'm going to keep my guard up in future.
I just assumed after 3 months and him doing the "official" talk he actually cared.
Lesson learnt tho

OP posts:

KimmySchmidt1 · 25/07/2017 10:48

you didn't do anything wrong. he just met someone who lives closer.

and he is too much of a coward to say that.

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