To feel hurt and being treated like this,am I over reacting?

[Lauraagh]

After swearing off men for years in March I met a guy off tinder.
Texted for 3 weeks before we met and got on brilliant,had our first date,got on well,conversation was great,felt comfortable etc.
Had another 8-9 dates after that all brilliant and he initiated every date.
We text/spoke every day and then he asked if we were gf/bf I said of course.
He spoke about the future and I thought everything was good.
Only problem he didn't drive and had to take public transport over (1 hour) and it was starting to become a lot after 10 hour shifts at work.
Anyway it got to June and one week out of the blue I noticed he wasn't texting as much and we felt a bit distant.
I asked was he ok? Stressed with work? Or was he not really into it etc,I said if distance is a problem or you think it won't work let me know.
He said he was stressed with work.
He stayed at mine on the Friday night and he spoke about plans for my birthday.
I never seen him again.
He just disappeared,no explanation nothing.
I sent him a message 3 weeks later and he replied "having a tough time at the mo,you did nothing wrong"
(The 3 weeks he was silent he still had me on Facebook and snapchat)
1 week later he removed me from social media ..the next day he was listed as "in a relationship with xxxx xxxxx"
So basically that was why he did it.
She was a local girl to him and lived in his town.
I'm so hurt,I know it was only a matter of months but I was falling in love with him.
I'm still struggling and don't understand what I did wrong.
He went from 1 week saying he missed me and making a effort exhausted after work to see me to being with someone else.

[Lauraagh]

If anyone knows any nice single men please point them in my direction please

[MistressDeeCee]

He's a dishonest bastard OP, good luck to his new gf having a man like that for a partner! I don't believe leopards change their spots

I am so against OLD - I know there are success stories but firmly believe the "chocolate box mentality" of so many of the men, causes way too much issues. Meeting people in rl is no guarantee of course but at least it means when you meet a man you can see and gauge his look talk reactions. Its easier to be fooled by the excitement of flowery words and excitement of anticipated messages, online

Get out and about more if possible, one life to live just get up - whether Meetup or friendship groups, events you are interested in.

I was chatting with a friend doing OLD and she said she does it as no time to meet a man. Im of the mind that of course there's time - or after meeting the man how on earth would you manage to spend time with him then?! Make time to get out there have fun and interesting experiences and pamper yourself OP

There are billions of men in this world don't get hung up and put your life on hold for the sake of 1 nasty man. He isn't putting his life on hold for you thats for sure, so don't let him blight you and your future. He's gone. Fresh start. Good luck

[Bettercallsaul1]

I think the problem, as a pp has already said, is that there is just so much choice on Tinder that many people don't value the relationships/people there as highly as when they just met people, one at a time. There is a definite mentality, for some, of thinking that another relationship (or sex) is just a click away. This not only devalues relationships but also gives them an air of unreality to some users. Of course, this is not always the case - I know of several long term relationships which started on Tinder. It's just that the medium encourages people to treat others badly if they were that way inclined anyway.

[PinkHeart5911]

I think it's normal to feel slightly hurt, I mean nobody likes to think someone didn't want them or was unkind to them by lying Instead of just saying "this isn't working for me"

You did nothing wrong! Unfortunately some people are just not very nice an he was to much of a coward to say he'd met someone that lived closer.

You know what they say the best way to get over one, is to get under a new one

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

I think you're right there Laura, let it be known, to friends and family, that you'd like to meet someone nice. Far better to meet someone who isn't a closed book.

[MistressDeeCee]

You know what they say the best way to get over one, is to get under a new one



I still remember being so despondent when I finished with my ex - 4 years together and he cheated for the last 2 years of that (probably cheated before then tho) I could kick myself for forgiving him..I met him via FB in a music forum, We talked for months as friends re mutual music interests and relationship developed from there. Before I met him physically I was already into him as we got on so well via messaging for ages, before the phone calls then meet stage. I know the "online chemistry" fooled me into a false sense of security

I was always one of those who retreated to lick my wounds when relationships ended. Whilst the man goes on to live his life. My ex ran off with my friend/ Anyway...a friend insisted I come for a night out, I went but felt so gloomy inside. Whilst out I met current OH and got under him within a week...! Couldnt wait. & 5 years later here we are still going strong.

Not exactly a fairy story but considering I felt I couldn't ever be happy again without my ex, just goes to show life can change on a whim. There's life out there OP don't waste it worrying about a man who isn't worth it. Be thankful you've found out what he's like sooner rather than later...

You'll be fine

[Justaboy]

One might say you dodged a bullet there.

And OLD is full of machine guns;(

[Lauraagh]

I would love to bump into him looking fantastic ..you know like in the movies and he is forever regretful of his actions
Girl can dream eh

[Mummyoflittledragon]

We've all had these fantasies. Go easy on yourself. Lots of self care, bubble bath, read a book, walk in the countryside, whatever you like to do. Forget the fantasy. That will wind up with you back in bed with him and even more hurt.

[MorrisZapp]

I'm always interested to know if in the history of the universe, a woman has ever entered into an exciting, sexually thrilling romance with a fabulous new man but found that after a month or so her stressful work life interferes with her ability to contact him or move the relationship forward.

Anyone?

Bueller?

[Lauraagh]

I personally if I did enter a realtionship with a man but work commitments /distance became a issue I would have the decency to tell him rather than just dissapear.

[Rumplestaleskin]

Had a similar thing happen to me. Happened at a bad time in my life so was very hurtful. Found out through a mutual friend he was banging a colleague while seeing me. So that was awkward especially when they announced their pregnancy. Anyway, despite this I realised what a spineless cunt he was and I was relieved to have dodged a bullet. I met my now husband a few years later and I've never looked back. What's for you won't go by you, as they say.

[Lauraagh]

He already has 3 kids with 3 different women so I guess he might add another one soon

[ambereeree]

Awww OP
This happened to me. The guy made up that his relative was ill and then i didn't hear from him. Then after a few months told me made a mistake, was scared of commitment blah blah. I ignored his message.
Lucky escape he sounds immature.

[Justaboy]

Lauraagh Just a 3 by 3 then?, I know of a 4 by 4 !.

I sometimes wonder why women let this happen to them seriously?.

[Lauraagh]

What do you think I did wrong?
Do you think he just had enough of the travelling? And when something more convenient came along he was off.
He changes jobs a lot ..and women
Maybe that's in his nature.

[runningintothelight]

This has just happened to me !!! Dates went great and really positive and then nothing !!!! So weird, I assume he met someone else .

Sorry you're going through this xxx

[WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK]

You did nothing wrong. He obviously doesn't know what commitment is, and his past is evidence of that. You're well rid. I know it's a knock to confidence & you wonder why you trusted them but with online dating I find some people just think they can pick & mix. You're so so so better off.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Nah you did nothing wrong. What a nasty coward. At least he could have been honest with you, and told you that it was not working due to distance or whatever. You dodged a bullet there.

[crazykitten20]

What do you think I did wrong?

Nothing. He was seeing a few women at the same time and decided to announce a 'relationship' with one of them whilst ( I expect) carrying on seeing a couple of the others. You're too far away to manage now it's more complicated ( thank god and move on imo) 💕💕💕

[Lauraagh]

He seemed so Into me talking about if we had kids.
He used to text and call me all day.
I did notice he was getting fed up of the distance but would of been nice not to throw me to one side like that

[vikingprincess81]

The more you tell us the more he sounds like a dick.
Be kind to yourself, remember you're awesome and have some and and

[ambereeree]

Stop focusing on the distance. This guy is a cock...he was seeing other people while with you and lied. You probably weren't the only “other woman.”
You are well rid of him.

[pigsDOfly]

Stop questioning what and why it happened.

It's nothing you did, there's nothing you could have done that would have made it any difference.

He's got 3 DCs with 3 different women. Doesn't sound like a keeper really does he? And he was talking about if you had kids. Would you want to be the 4th?

Some people just like playing people. You really dodged a bullet from the sound of it. Just be thankful and stop trying to work out why. He sounds like a knob. Stop giving him head space.

There are some decent men out there. Maybe give tinder a miss and start looking elsewhere.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Please get some self respect. He's a serial arsehole. Had he not found the other woman closer to his house, he'd have probably got you up the duff and treated your kid like another notch on the bed post. Then he'd have been onto no 5 baby mama. All you've missed out from is being tied to this over inflated prick for the next 18+ years.