To feel hurt and being treated like this,am I over reacting?

[Lauraagh]

After swearing off men for years in March I met a guy off tinder.
Texted for 3 weeks before we met and got on brilliant,had our first date,got on well,conversation was great,felt comfortable etc.
Had another 8-9 dates after that all brilliant and he initiated every date.
We text/spoke every day and then he asked if we were gf/bf I said of course.
He spoke about the future and I thought everything was good.
Only problem he didn't drive and had to take public transport over (1 hour) and it was starting to become a lot after 10 hour shifts at work.
Anyway it got to June and one week out of the blue I noticed he wasn't texting as much and we felt a bit distant.
I asked was he ok? Stressed with work? Or was he not really into it etc,I said if distance is a problem or you think it won't work let me know.
He said he was stressed with work.
He stayed at mine on the Friday night and he spoke about plans for my birthday.
I never seen him again.
He just disappeared,no explanation nothing.
I sent him a message 3 weeks later and he replied "having a tough time at the mo,you did nothing wrong"
(The 3 weeks he was silent he still had me on Facebook and snapchat)
1 week later he removed me from social media ..the next day he was listed as "in a relationship with xxxx xxxxx"
So basically that was why he did it.
She was a local girl to him and lived in his town.
I'm so hurt,I know it was only a matter of months but I was falling in love with him.
I'm still struggling and don't understand what I did wrong.
He went from 1 week saying he missed me and making a effort exhausted after work to see me to being with someone else.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Don't be surprised if he gets back in touch, with some sob story, when he's bored, or out on a limb !
Don't fall off if OP.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

• for it.🙄

[Serialweightwatcher]

You didn't do anything wrong and don't ever think you did - he's obviously a player and they work like that - making you believe everything is wonderful and then someone else comes along and they start all over again - you're well rid because this could have gone on a lot longer to end the same way - take care of yourself and a decent, honest man will come into your life one of these days. Don't mistrust anyone else because otherwise you will ruin it for yourself because of how he's let you down

[misshelena]

Hey OP, don't swear off men! Just swear off the fast talkers who want to make you their 4th babymomma. Go out and keep dating! There are plenty of good guys out there!

[crazyhairdontcare]

Phew, lucky escape.

Yes, him having a lot of exes is definitely a red flag. Start taking more notice of them early on. We often only see them in hindsight.

Thank goodness you got out when you did. Now you need to go no contact and move on to a much nicer person that will treat you with respect.

[Charley50]

Yes to what mistress deecee said; you never know what, or who, is round the corner.. Make your own opportunities.
He has 3 kids with 3 mum's! He doesn't live with any of those kids; he's not serious relationship material!
It's not you its him!

[mummmy2017]

I know this sort of guy.
He is always looking for something better, and with so many ex's and kids be has proved he is never going to settle down as he doesn't know how to just be happy and commit.
The plans and talk are like my ex, he is in love with being in love, so will be intense and tell you all you want to hear, in fact so long as no one else pops up on his radar, you will be the centre of his world, flowers text, calls nothing will be too much, but these means he can and will shut down how he feels about anyone one woman at a moments notice, if he spies his next victim.
Watch out as this kind tend too boomerang, and if his new love finishes he may reach out to you, as anyone is better than no one.
Lucky Escape. Your too good for this man.

[Lauraagh]

This seems to be exactly what it was like ....
He was so intense with me,within a week talk of getting serious,how he doesn't normally feel this way about anyone so soon,talk of introducing me to his kids,speaking to me on hands free with his son in his car,told his mum/sisters about me.
Invited me over his mums after two weeks for tea.
Texting then snapchatting at the same time,phoning when he was at work.
Giving me so much attention
Then like a switch flicked and he was gone,made me believe I had done something wrong.

[Lauraagh]

After a week holding my hand in public,taking of our future,kissing me in public ..he did always talk over me tho which annoyed me or if I was talking he would interrupt me and start talking about something unrelated.

[Ktown]

I don't think you can expect much monogramy from tinder. By its nature it allows you to pick from a menu.

It is rubbish but I don't know many males or females on tinder who stick to one person.

[mummmy2017]

Laura you made me laugh,
If it wasn't for the fact my ex is too old to be your player, I would think you were going out with my ex..
This guy gets off on the love bit, he has a type he goes for and we are it, nice kind loyal women, who really want an equal loving partnership and are will to work towards this, he feeds off your kindness like a vampire and then feeds you the bait he thinks you want.
BUT all the time his radar will be on for another victim. I know now that anyone who is that intense that quickly isn't real, if it is directed towards myself, and that for a while he real did love you in such an way as he was obsessed, it's called lust not love for a reason.

[Lauraagh]

He did always check other women out.
No matter how nice I looked and felt he would still be looking around at other women.
He couldn't help himself I don't think..well clearly not.
The amount of exs (I know about) in two years kind of makes me believe it's him and not me.

[Lauraagh]

This guy is 32,you would think have grown up by now.

[mummmy2017]

Your so lucky you got away, before you ended up tied for life with a baby.
32 and he still thinks he is a lolly pop factory, you have to take the good bits from this. The fact he went after you means you must have that ZING about you, and if he can feel it then all you need to do is find a better more grown up male to have a proper relationship with. Tinder is not good for this for you.
Go to more friends parties and find a nice one.

[HungerOfThePine]

I'm always suspicious of people who talk about long term futures/future faking early in relationships. I immediately think not a keeper, I'm a go with the flow person and will arrive at the next stage when I'm ready and don't see the point of dreaming/box ticking early on. Just enjoy each moment as it develops.

You did nothing wrong op but I think you know that now. 1hr distance really isn't that far but can understand if other factors get in the way.

I dated a lovely guy off tinder with that kind of distance for a year. It never wained and in fact it grew into a loving relationship.
There was an unspecified expiry date on our rl but no ones fault so maybe that's why it worked, we loved each other but we didn't place expectations of a long term future together, we just made the most of our time together.

A year later we still hold feelings for each other but I'm clear enough headed to know it won't last unless we can start again.

Sorry went off there, my point is don't fall for future fakers, take each step as it comes, be cynical but fair and trust your instincts, allow yourself to be loved but most importantly love yourself.

[Joey7t8]

This sort of thing isn't restricted to Tinder or on-line dating; it's just how new relationships work, or don't work. For the first couple of months everything is new and exciting, then for one (or sometimes both) partners, that initial spark is lost and they realise that this isn't the relationship for them.

It's a bit shitty to not be straight with someone about the reasons, but let's be honest, it's hard to reject someone honestly and we've all come out with these lines:

'I'm just not ready for a relationship right now'
'It's not you; it's me'
'I see you as more of a friend'
'I love you but am not in love with you' etc.

When really we mean 'I just don't fancy you anymore'. Good luck with the next one.

[loaferloveforyou]

Nothing you did wrong at all. And even if you did, would you want to be with someone to goes quiet instead of talking?

He probably just likes the chase. He'll be on to the next girl pretty soon.

I just see your other thread about being paranoid - it's not the new girlfriend or an ex is it?

[nachogazpacho]

He's a player.

Prepare yourself for him contacting you again for more ego stroking. Might be in a month or a year but you can bet your bottom dollar he'll tap you again at some point. He couldn't give two rucks about you or his current victim. That's how he's able to behave this way. Something is missing in his mind.

[Lauraagh]

No deffo not his new gf,she won't even know I exsist and too far away for them.
Deffo not a ex either as I was single when I moved here so nobody would know where I lived.
Tbh I wouldn't of minded if he had just been honest but to go from 1 week missing me and talking about birthdays/etc to dissapearing ..it was a huge change.
I think as soon as she came in his life or started messaging her,his interest for me disappeared and he went for her,how intense he was with me was probably what he was like with her.

[Lauraagh]

He even said "I don't know how someone like you would want me"
Then he said "wait till you see me for what I am"
I thought he was meaning I wouldn't find him attractive not I'm starting to think he meant personality.

[loaferloveforyou]

Sorry, I meant could it be one of his ex's after seeing you get together?

[Lauraagh]

Oh and he did admit he cheated on mother of child but said it was a huge mistake,also he lived with another woman but cheated on her with someone else.
All things I ignored because stupidly I thought he was so into me he wouldn't dream of that.

[Lauraagh]

Well once he breaks up with someone he deleted and blocks them so they wouldn't be able to see who I was.

[loaferloveforyou]

He sounds like a dick. Don't take it personally as he has probably done this with other girls.

I know what it feels like though so it is hard, but this says more about him than it does you

[iwannapuppy]

Please don't beat yourself up. You really did nothing wrong, apart from live a distance away which made him put some effort in and work for it. Ive had this happen more than once when I'd used dating sites. I found men on the freebie sites are generally serial shaggers. They are shallow and lack the emotional strength to have a real relationship. The freebie sites are just like a sweetie shop to some fuckwads.
Get your hair done, buy a new outfit and go for a night out with the girls.
Then if you are ready to try again go on a paid for dating site like match or eharmoney where you get men who are actually serious about finding a relationship (I met my DH on one of these). And for the first few months don't believe all the promises he makes, take it all with a pinch of salt until you really know him.