Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is annoying, right? I'm not just a meany pants?

95 replies

ThePearlNecklaceOfTheresaMay · 23/07/2017 22:04

DH and I both like to have a cup of tea and maybe some toast or a couple of biccies in the evening after the kids have gone to bed.

However I am the only one who ever does it. Makes the tea and toast, I mean.

If I didn't do it, he wouldn't do it. So we'd both miss out.

He's obviously not bothered. But I AM bothered. I like tea and toast in the evening! He only likes it just because I happen to be making it.

So anyway, tonight I just made it for myself and he got all huffy.

AIBU that I didn't make any for him?

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 23/07/2017 22:05

He needs pulling into line imo.

Better late than never. .

Whatsername17 · 23/07/2017 22:06

I'd have just told him it was his turn tbh. Dh would react the same as your dh if I'd just made some for myself. I think you were being a bit mean, sorry.

Sunshinegirls · 23/07/2017 22:09

He could do with taking a turn, however, is there things that he always does for you?
I would never make myself something and not DH, no matter how annoyed with him I was because it would make me look like a twat!

NotTheCoolMum · 23/07/2017 22:13

Tell him!

Say "Tea and toast?" He says "ooh yes please" you say "oh lovely, lots of butter on mine please!"

Not difficult

QuiteLikely5 · 23/07/2017 22:14

I think you were mean to leave him out. There are nicer ways to get your point across than resorting to childish behaviour

Bluntness100 · 23/07/2017 22:15

I'd do this too. It's really annoying if someone always wants something but will never return the favour. My husband can be prone to this, so my solution is simoly to say I will make mine you make yours. He hates it so then takes his turn.

If he's bothered he clearly wants the tea and toast. So he should take his turn. If he didn't want it or wasn't bothered, he wouldn't care that you didn't make him any. So just tell him in future you'll make your own unless he wants to do alternate nights.

Bluntness100 · 23/07/2017 22:16

I think you were mean to leave him out

Totally disagree, I think it's mean of him to constantly take and to refuse to ever make her any.

bloodymaria · 23/07/2017 22:16

Yeah, a bit annoying maybe but all it takes is a conversation. Bit of a pa move to just make some for yourself if it's always been the routine that you make it for both of you.

Icklepickle101 · 23/07/2017 22:17

Me and DP do the tea and toast thing too, he always tried to get me to make his 'as I was up anyway' but after a similar incident we now take turns. Unless one of us doesn't want it.

Floralnomad · 23/07/2017 22:18

I don't blame him for being huffy that's really mean and petty .Why not just speak to him like an adult .

TwitterQueen1 · 23/07/2017 22:20

I think YABU.
DH and I both like to have a cup of tea and maybe some toast or a couple of biccies...

It's you that wants toast/biscuits, not him. Otherwise he would offer it.
So you should prep it.

SummerMummy88 · 23/07/2017 22:27

You sound like a child, Its a bit of toast and a cup of tea. How do you manage the big decisions in life if you Can't handle this?

BewareOfDragons · 23/07/2017 22:33

I don't blame you at all, OP. Hopefully this will be a wake up call to him to also provide the evening refreshments for everybody.

reuset · 23/07/2017 22:33

Ask him if he wants some, and tell him it's his turn!

dun1urkin · 23/07/2017 22:33

YAB PA
Have a conversation with him like an adult. I'd be in a huff with you, too.

FetchezLaVache · 23/07/2017 22:34

YANBU, he should take his turn - but I think you should have talked to him and made this clear. By just cutting him out, you have lost the moral high ground.

GlitterNails · 23/07/2017 22:36

Could you not have just asked him to do it? Understand the annoyance though.

BackforGood · 23/07/2017 22:39

YABU to just make yourself some.
Have a conversation like a proper grown up.

Difficult to know if you should strictly take turns or what each of you do for the other 23.75 hours of the day, but just making it for yourself is ridiculous.

Migraleve · 23/07/2017 22:40

You need to clarify OP. Does he REFUSE to make it, or does he just not do it because you do and he genuinely has no idea you want him to?

If he refuses then yes, you were right to exclude him, but if it's the latter and you haven't communicated with him, then I think you are proper meany pants

BraveBear · 23/07/2017 22:41

Mean to leave him out? Is the kitchen only accessible via a special women only portal? It takes 5 minutes to make tea and toast. I imagine it takes a lot longer to sulk about it...

BraveBear · 23/07/2017 22:42

It's you that wants toast/biscuits, not him. Otherwise he would offer it. So you should prep it.

And she did. For the person who wanted it.

AnnieanoniMouse · 23/07/2017 22:42

I think it depends really.

Sometimes you just get into a routine of one person doing certain things. If you've always just done it & not told him you'd like him to take turns then yeah, it was pretty selfish just to make it for yourself. On the other hand, if you've told him the & again you're fed of being the only one to do it, then fair call.

Something like that I'd probably enjoy if someone else was making it, but wouldn't bother if I was home alone. If they were making it & brought it to me too it probably wouldn't occur to me to offer to take turns because I wouldn't bother for myself iykwim. However, if you said to me 'It's your turn to make tea' I'd go & do it. Shrug.

Tofutti · 23/07/2017 22:43

YANBU OP. It's a crossed a line, he expects you to make it for him.

Everyone loves to be served tea! It needs to be taken in turns.

Slightly Hmm at all the people who think it's mean.

JamesBlonde1 · 23/07/2017 22:44

Tell him to get off his skinny/fat (whichever best fits) arse and get you both some tea and toast. Tell him to do his bit and do something nice for you for a change.

BackforGood · 23/07/2017 22:48

Why Hmm Tofutti ?
It's ridiculous for 2 people to separately go and do a task that one person can do in practically the same time as it takes them to do for one.
I'd never make a cuppa when other people are around without checking if they want one. It's just selfish.