Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is annoying, right? I'm not just a meany pants?

95 replies

ThePearlNecklaceOfTheresaMay · 23/07/2017 22:04

DH and I both like to have a cup of tea and maybe some toast or a couple of biccies in the evening after the kids have gone to bed.

However I am the only one who ever does it. Makes the tea and toast, I mean.

If I didn't do it, he wouldn't do it. So we'd both miss out.

He's obviously not bothered. But I AM bothered. I like tea and toast in the evening! He only likes it just because I happen to be making it.

So anyway, tonight I just made it for myself and he got all huffy.

AIBU that I didn't make any for him?

OP posts:
Ceto · 23/07/2017 22:50

I think YABU. It's you that wants toast/biscuits, not him. Otherwise he would offer it. So you should prep it.

But if he's being huffy about it, it sounds like he does want it. So he should make it half the time. And it sounds like he's got a long way to go to make up for all the times OP has done it.

MrsJBaptiste · 23/07/2017 22:51

We do rock / paper / scissors to determine who's turn it is to make the nightly cuppa! OH invariably loses Grin

PearlyPinkNails · 23/07/2017 22:58

Meany pants??

You do sound very immature. Just tell him you want him to take turns.

Puffpaw · 23/07/2017 22:59

If you are overweight then the tea and toast habit is the culprit. You'll get diabetes if you are not careful.

Original poster
ThePearlNecklaceOfTheresaMay · 23/07/2017 23:00

The thing is, the tea in the evening thing has become a routine now so I feel like he should know when it's time to put the damn kettle on.

I guess more simply put it's like this:

I want tea.

He's not fussed.

Unless I'm making it, in which case he'll have some.

But I make it every night.

So even though he's not fussed either way, I have to make it for him or look petty I feel I just sort myself out.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePearlNecklaceOfTheresaMay · 23/07/2017 23:02

I'm not overweight. Neither of us are. Not that it matters or is relevant.

OP posts:
Whichwayyisup · 23/07/2017 23:03

Im on the fence. If you're the one who wants it and he's not bothered either way then I think you'd be petty not to make him some if you're going to be having it anyway.

That said if he was more thoughtful about it, he'd offer to make you tea and toast once in a while

Original poster
ThePearlNecklaceOfTheresaMay · 23/07/2017 23:06

I'd never make a cuppa when other people are around without checking if they want one. It's just selfish

But what if you live or work with someone who, left to their own devices would never make themselves a cup of tea because they just don't think of it, so there's never an opportunity for you to say to them 'I'll have one if you're making'. But you DO think to make tea sometimes and they always say it to you. Every time you go to make a tea you feel like you have to make them one even though they'd never make one for themselves.

OP posts:
Jupitar · 23/07/2017 23:06

It is annoying, but as pps have said does he do anything similar for you earlier in the day? My DP always brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning so I would not moan about making the evening cuppa, on the other hand my ex would not budge from the sofa all evening but the minute I got up it would be "oh make us a tea whilst your up" or "make some cheese and biscuits whilst your in the kitchen"

GreenTulips · 23/07/2017 23:06

But he was clearly bothered as he huffed!!!

Tactic to get you to make it ALL the time!!

I wouldn't want DH to make my toast as he lets not go cold and the butter then floats in top -

He then faffs- nobolates ready - toast going hard while he hunts for the milk/teabags/cups/ boils the fucking kettle

YANBU

CheshireChat · 23/07/2017 23:07

DP can be like this, I've been known to ask if his arms and legs don't work?

I am now going to make a cup of tea and I blame you OP.

missiondecision · 23/07/2017 23:07

Meany....
but I see you POV.
How about you say "I'll make you tea and toast if you make mine". That way you do it together or he gets nowt.

RhiWrites · 23/07/2017 23:09

Tell him you think you should take turns. And if he won't take turns you'll only make it for him every other night. That's more than fair.

Glumglowworm · 23/07/2017 23:10

Just tell him it's his turn to make it. Have an actual simple conversation instead of childish passive aggressive toast making

ScarlettSunshine · 23/07/2017 23:10

How can anyone drink tea in the evenings?! I'd be up until 2am! Sad

AtSea1979 · 23/07/2017 23:16

I disagree with most of the posters on here. He's a grown man ffs. He doesn't need "telling" or "asking to take turns" etc. He should be offering. If he's not then he's not that bothers so OP was right to assume he didn't want any and make her own. No wonder so many people complain on here about their layabout husbands when we are expected to "ask" for things rather than it just being fair that they do it without being nagged in to it.

Flyatnight · 23/07/2017 23:20

That is awful kick him out. He also got huffy! LTB!!!

NevermindtheBollocks · 23/07/2017 23:26

Do you call them biccies to anyone aged over 18 months old?.... If so yabu?

Original poster
ThePearlNecklaceOfTheresaMay · 23/07/2017 23:37

@nevermind no, I don't. I deliberately don't post like I speak in real life because I'm paranoid about privacy.

Just like DH could actually be DW, or tea could actually be hot chocolate, the word I use for biscuits is irrelevant to the main point, which is that a person could bloody die of thirst in my house waiting for DH to make a frigging cuppa.

OP posts:
Pallisers · 23/07/2017 23:40

If you are overweight then the tea and toast habit is the culprit. You'll get diabetes if you are not careful.

That actually made me laugh.

I'm with you OP. He isn't being fail. Just tell him "look, if you don't want the tea and toast that is fine. But if you do want it as long as I am making it, then that isn't fair and we need to take turns. Otherwise I will presume you really don't want it and make it for myself"

Pallisers · 23/07/2017 23:40

fair even - not fail

PuntasticUsername · 23/07/2017 23:44

Oh, now I need toast.

WicksEnd · 23/07/2017 23:46

You say to him:
'DH, what's that thing called you put a golf ball on before you hit it?"
He's says 'Tee?"
You say 'yes please, and toast while you're at it' [grn]

LockedOutOfMN · 23/07/2017 23:49

Missing the point but I really want tea and toast now. I don't even like tea and can't remember how long ago I ate toast but this thread has given me severe FOMO.

OP, YANBU: keep making for yourself and DH should get the hint.

melj1213 · 23/07/2017 23:51

You want it, he's indifferent and is quite happy to do without but will have some with you.

Since you're the one who actively wants it, you make it.

One night you just decide that you're sick of always making it so just make one for yourself. Your OH, who has got used to the usual system whereby you make enough for you both and therefore didn't have any idea there was a problem is given no warning of your intention and then is miffed that you didn't make any for him nor did you tell him that was your plan.

I'd be miffed too - in my house we'd communicate with words and not just passive aggressive actions and there'd at least have been a discussion of "I'm sick of always being the one making the tea and toast, it's your turn tomorrow night and if you don't do it I'm only making my own."