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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit cheeky for a wedding

93 replies

Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 15:22

Old friend's wedding recently. We travelled 200 miles and so had to get two night's accommodation as it started fairly early. Guests were asked to bring a dish so I made 120 macarons of various colours/flavours which cost a fair bit in time and money but I figured, it's a wedding, it needs to be something special. Location was rural so pricey taxi was needed to get there and back. Arrived at stunning venue (which bride had told me cost them several grand) for ceremony.

No drinks were provided, only a paid bar. The only food all day and evening was dishes that guests had brought and were on the whole big vats of things like bland pasta/rice/couscous salad. The entire budget had clearly been spent on the venue.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that for the hundreds of pounds I spent on this wedding they couldn't at least have thrown in a drink or two? They even asked for money instead of presents!

OP posts:
Joinourclub · 23/07/2017 15:25

I think the cheeky thing there us asking for money/gifts on top of the food contribution! I had a budget wedding and people helped out with cake/decorations/music. I bought them all gifts to say thank you!

Whichwayyisup · 23/07/2017 15:25

Hmm. Not sure. Need a bit more info like how well off they are. What did the other guests think?

Whichwayyisup · 23/07/2017 15:26

If every guest brought a dish there must have been a ton load of food btw!

Emmeline123 · 23/07/2017 15:28

YANBU, this is rude.

I would personally be extremely embarrassed about inviting people to spend a fortune getting there and then not providing any food or drink. At the very least I would not be expecting a financial or any gift if I were spending nothing on food/drink and my guests were sorting that instead.

KoalaDownUnder · 23/07/2017 15:29

YANBU. That's unbelievably rude and tight.

GreyCloudsToday · 23/07/2017 15:31

God, how can you ask guests travelling 200 miles to bring food?! You are so nice, my contribution would have been from M&S. Bonkers.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 23/07/2017 15:31

YANBU. Not cheeky, plain rude.

Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 15:33

They're not massively well-off so it's not the bringing food thing per se, just that if you've got a budget of say £5000, wouldn't it be better to spend £2500 on the venue so you've got money for other things rather than the whole lot on just the venue? I'm just as irritated with the other guests that brought the bland, crappy pasta salads tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 15:35

Not to mention the emotional energy I spent fretting about whether the macaron fillings were going to melt on the way! (No air con in car)

OP posts:
camelfinger · 23/07/2017 15:37

Sounds like a rubbish wedding. What did the other guests think?

emilybrontescorset · 23/07/2017 15:37

Very rude indeed.
The trouble with asking people to bring a dish to an event is that some people cannot cook,
Some will feel under pressure do will bring a safe dish such as cold pasta or salad.
There is then the trouble of transporting the dish whilst in your glad rags so that rules out gravy or sauces or complicated arrangements.
Basically nobody is going to bring a beef wellington with potatoes and a selection of vegetables. It's far more likely you'll end up with cakes and salads.
To then ask for money is tacky.
At least they got to have their wedding at their ideal venue though.

Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 15:45

emily and whichway yes, it was an endless sea of beige carbs with the odd cake here and there

OP posts:
HipsterHunter · 23/07/2017 15:58

Fuck me they made the guests bring all the food and had a paid bar?? If t had been BYOB I could have half understood it but not a paid bar.

And they asked for money? Another world.

ittakes2 · 23/07/2017 16:01

I'm still stuck on they asked you to bring a dish! After travelling 200 miles and needing to rent accomodation! Wow you are a great friend.

Witsender · 23/07/2017 16:03

Meh, it wouldn't bother me overly to be honest.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/07/2017 16:05

You might want to think about your superior sneery tone. People brought food they could transport & serve hours later. None of them claimed to be caterers. At least they brought 'actual food' and not just 'fancy sweets' which are not 'a meal'.

Hmm

As for the couples decision to hire an expensive venue & not provide drinks...it's a choice. No matter what they had chosen I suspect you'd be complaining.

Lelloteddy · 23/07/2017 16:06

Sounds a bit shit tbh. What was the atmosphere like? Can't imagine it being a bundle of laughs!

Underthemoonlight · 23/07/2017 16:13

AnnieAnoniMouse that's the point guests aren't caterers, a ton of pasta and salad isn't very appetising. They could have done a buffet or afternoon tea, burger van, hog roast. I much rather have ops sweet treats than what else was on offer. The whole wedding sounds grim op to have the posh wedding but fail to feed and water your guest is appalling but to add insult to injury to ask for money the contributions were the food its incredibly crass. I hope you didn't give them anything other than a card.

TribalArts · 23/07/2017 16:13

Annie are you the bride?

Namechangetempissue · 23/07/2017 16:14

Sounds rubbish and ill thought out-what if everyone had bought the same thing -say chicken nuggets or salad? They would have been better off serving a cream tea -can be done cheaply and looks great -and keeping the venue but for a shorter time or changing venues. I'm all for a buy your own bar -but bring your own food PLUS cash gifts is beyond cheeky.

Emmeline123 · 23/07/2017 16:14

In response to the critical post above - of course it's the wedding couple's choice what they pay for, but that doesn't mean OP is not entitled to have an opinion on that. Personally it pisses me off when weddings are all fur coat and no knickers - eg a friend of mine was BM for our friend and had to pay for hair, make-up, alterations and rehearsal dinner, but the couple had a well-known band at the wedding and fireworks. I just think that's inconsiderate, "I want my dream wedding, and everyone else can pay for it."

Bitchfromhell · 23/07/2017 16:22

I think I like the idea of bringing a dish, that sounds quite relaxed. Also don't mind a paid bar, warm cava doesn't really do it for me anyway.
It just doesn't sound like it goes with the venue choice in this instance though. They should have just booked a village hall or something. Did you have to travel because you've moved away or was the venue remote for everyone? That I don't get, everyone having to pay for hotels because the bride has decided she can't possibly get married in her hometown.
I certainly don't think it's rude though, they probably aren't that chuffed with how it turned out themselves by the sounds of it.

nooka · 23/07/2017 16:23

I really enjoy pot luck celebrations, but they do need a bit of organising to make sure that there is a nice mix of food. I'd expect drinks (especially alcohol) to be BYB too. Asking for money was a bit crass, and the fancy venue surprising (apart from anything else I'd expect fancy venues not to allow self catering). I'd expect everything to be on a budget, not just food, so a village hall/ field with tents/ barn venue.

Sorry you felt short changed OP.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/07/2017 16:27

Yes it is rude and tight, she should have had a smaller wedding at a less expensive venue. With the bring a dish, I would worry about hygeine and how long the food has been out for, storage and stuff as not everybody will have good hygiene.,

BabychamSocialist · 23/07/2017 16:30

If I'm getting my hair done, hoisting my boobs and hips into a dress and squeezing my feet into heels, the least I expect is some proper food and a free bar!

So no, YANBU!

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