To think this is a bit cheeky for a wedding

[Bluepansies]

Old friend's wedding recently. We travelled 200 miles and so had to get two night's accommodation as it started fairly early. Guests were asked to bring a dish so I made 120 macarons of various colours/flavours which cost a fair bit in time and money but I figured, it's a wedding, it needs to be something special. Location was rural so pricey taxi was needed to get there and back. Arrived at stunning venue (which bride had told me cost them several grand) for ceremony.

No drinks were provided, only a paid bar. The only food all day and evening was dishes that guests had brought and were on the whole big vats of things like bland pasta/rice/couscous salad. The entire budget had clearly been spent on the venue.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that for the hundreds of pounds I spent on this wedding they couldn't at least have thrown in a drink or two? They even asked for money instead of presents!

I think it sounds lovely! And I wouldn't mind at all. I suppose the B&G could have said good in lieu of presents but most people would have given them presents as well so I can't get worked up about that either.

That's low and mean Jenny, bride and groom should have provided soft drinks. Or let people know on the invite.

I don't mind pot luck, that is fine, especially if the bride and groom are on a budget and are having it in the village hall or social club or something, but in this case, they overspent on their dream venue, and therefore could not feel and water the guests.

It's high risk asking your guests to bring food for a wedding, I was at one and almost every guest had made a pot of hummus with a plate of crudités.

is it me or do we see a trend these days of grabbiness? weddings...baby showers...bridal showers... People seem just to be getting craftier and craftier or has this type of behaviour always been around?

Having had a fairly low budget wedding myself, I completely understand the couple looking for ways to keep costs down.

But in this case, it just seem like they've blown the whole amount on the thing they most wanted, and expected everyone else to provide what they haven't left enough money for. It's inconsiderate at best.

I have to say though I would never expect a free bar at a wedding. A free meal sure. But free flowing booze all night... yikes. I was warned not to have that unless I had a few thousand £££ to spare. Those things can go out of control very quickly, both in terms of costs and what people do when they drink a bit too much. It'd have been entirely fine to have a free drink with the meal and one for the toast and expect guests to pay for the rest.

What is with all this shit surrounding weddings? Surely there are some non-negotiables?

Feed your guests
Give your guests soft drinks

If you can't afford to do those things just have a small family do! Is it the wedding or marriage that's most important?

Lush - I had a nice hall and provided free booze all day and night but only beer, wine and cider. We had so much left over - not everyone drinks as much as me apparently...

I'd be more concerned over the hygiene factor tbh with people bringing their own food. You've no idea how long it may have been sitting a hot car or what the kitchen looked like when it was made hygiene wise, especially if meat was involved. Buffets are renowned for being food poisoning heaven so to add people making it themselves/transporting it it's a recipe for everyone to get ill!

I'm really not a fan of weddings where guests are requested to bring a dish. It just doesn't work in practice for people that have to travel (you're a saint making and transporting the macaroons!) and there's no real organisation to it i.e. you probably end up with 10 x more of one dish than you need and not enough of another.

Each to their own but if you're invited to someone else's celebration isn't the idea they put on a spread and drinks for you? I wouldn't offer to host a dinner party and then ask the guests to provide the food. And the wedding gift 'pays for your place' almost be it £ or something to open.

On a separate note can't stand the request for money (usually in the form of a cringey poem) in an invite, if one of the guests can only afford to spend £10 I'd rather they bought me a picture frame or candle from TK Maxx or similar rather than receive a £10 note in a card!

I agree it sounds like a shit wedding.
Bring a dish and BYOB/a cashbar is fine if the bride and groom are truly on a low budget and have economised on the venue, the dress, flowers and centrepieces, cars, and all the other wedding trappings. That obviously isn't the case here though, if the venue cost thousands.
The comfort of the guests should be a top priority, not bottom of the list, IMO. That's just basic hospitality.
I generally don't have a problem with couples asking for cash instead of unwanted and unneeded items, but it was cheeky in this case seeing as the guests had already had to fork out for travel and accomodation, food and drink.

I know someone who did BYO for the food at their wedding; they were a vicar and virtually impossible to get away without inviting congregation to a wedding in their own church. Doing a wedding breakfast after is pretty difficult to split into who you want there and who not without tonnes of politics. Was over 300 people.

So they did a list and asked people to bring something from it. However, it was made very clear that the food was considered a gift and there was no need for any other gift. They wouldn't have spent more than £1,000 on outfits, flowers, decoration etc I think (all hired or homemade) and I would think about £1,500 on drinks so no-one had to spend any money once they were there.

It was unconventional but it worked for them and wasn't grabby at all. What your friend did was very cheeky.

Stingy bastards... who asks guests to bring food to a wedding?! Tacky cheapskates

YANBU.

Feeding & watering guests is a must. I think it's a cheek

I don't think feedingbis a must if a BYO wedding is the theme - but instead of a gift surely?

They tried and failed to have a BYO wedding but wrong location!!

Hire a barn - brink booze - B&G supply extra and drinks - not difficult

Ugh, I would definitely agree that if you ask people to go to all the hassle and trouble of making food, you should NOT expect presents too. And I would expect the couple to fork out for one drink at a wedding at very least.

Yup if you find yourself thinking "should I ask my guests to bring their own food" take a step back and then punch yourself in the mouth for being such an idiot.

Village hall. Hog roast. BYOB (with prior warning). No gifts. Fun.

Expensive location. Pot luck dinner. Expensive bar. Money requests. Shit.

YANBU. When you invite people to your wedding, you're inviting them to spend the day with you - as your guest. Therefore, you feed and water them. If they want to give you a gift, that's their choice.

At our wedding (posh hotel but no room hire charge) we went for a late afternoon ceremony, with an early evening hot meal for 80 guests followed later by bacon butties etc. Plus wine, bubbly and FREE bar. Total cost, well under £3,000. I just wanted people to have a good time!

Mind you, when I went to my cousin's wedding, they asked everyone to pay for their meal (£25) as their gift. More than happy to do this. Think there were a few bottles of wine on the tables. You've gotta give people something!