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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit cheeky for a wedding

93 replies

Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 15:22

Old friend's wedding recently. We travelled 200 miles and so had to get two night's accommodation as it started fairly early. Guests were asked to bring a dish so I made 120 macarons of various colours/flavours which cost a fair bit in time and money but I figured, it's a wedding, it needs to be something special. Location was rural so pricey taxi was needed to get there and back. Arrived at stunning venue (which bride had told me cost them several grand) for ceremony.

No drinks were provided, only a paid bar. The only food all day and evening was dishes that guests had brought and were on the whole big vats of things like bland pasta/rice/couscous salad. The entire budget had clearly been spent on the venue.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that for the hundreds of pounds I spent on this wedding they couldn't at least have thrown in a drink or two? They even asked for money instead of presents!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 17:17

Yes as pp said, it's more the disparity (is that the right word? Blush) between the ultra posh venue and the informal bring your own food thing. And the very expensive bar! If it'd been a really low budget village hall affair I wouldn't have minded so much, it's more the fact that they had a pretty good budget and blew the whole thing on the fancy venue (a purpose-built place, so a huge barn thing with a marquee-like draped ceiling and lots of pretty little courtyard bits and hay bales and stuff - hence why they could self-cater I think?) and just left it to the guests to feed themselves! And them! And yes it was remote for everybody. I really wish I'd sneaked some booze in - spent nearly £100 in the bar and didn't even get that drunk

OP posts:
SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 23/07/2017 17:20

I'm wondering what the "dream" venue was like if it had a paid bar but you had to bring food.

Fair enough for a low budget village hall style. I went to one like that, but local family did the majority of the catering, not far flung guests. It was also bring your own drinks which is better as it's cheaper and you can make your favoured choice (great day!)

OP's set up is the worst of all worlds for the guests' point of view.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/07/2017 17:21

I would have just given them a card, very rude to ask guests to bring food, hire a very expensive venue, and not provide them with anything, no soft drinks, nothing, and then have the gall to ask the money as wedding gifts. Beyond rude, I would not have gone to that wedding.

Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 17:23

Re the pasta salad - I chose to bring something sweet but if I'd chosen something savoury instead I'd have gone for a fancy cheeseboard maybe or savoury tarts with posh toppings, something really nice! Those would be transportable and as long as no meat wouldn't be likely to spoil on the way. Hardly very imaginative or special to boil up a shit-ton of pasta or rice (rice can give you very bad food poisoning as well)

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 23/07/2017 17:23

What did they provide op? Did they have a wedding cake, and disco.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/07/2017 17:25

God I would have left early, and gone to the local Indian restaurant, much cheaper.

Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 17:31

Aeroflot yes there was a wedding cake and disco. I should say I didn't actually give them any money even though that's what they asked for. I couldn't afford it, so maybe they think I'm the tight one!

OP posts:
20nil · 23/07/2017 17:34

Awful. I must be weird but I've been to a lot of weddings over the years and have only ever seen one where there was a paid bar, let alone totally BYO. If you can't afford to at least feed your guests, don't have a big bash. Or if you want a big party and are skint, don't expect food, booze and presents.

Underthemoonlight · 23/07/2017 17:37

Did they provide any food to go with what other guests were bringing? They should have paid for some bottles of wine at the very least but it's sounds like they want they flashy do with minimal cost. The venue would be making a killing of hiring costs and the bar. Did you give a gift op?

Rubies12345 · 23/07/2017 17:37

They asked for money?!!Shock

Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 17:44

moonlight no they didn't provide anything except crockery and cutlery! No I couldn't afford to give them any money as well. I wish they'd told us in advance that there'd only be a paid bar so that I could have smuggled in a couple of bottles of wine

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 17:50

Oh god I've just remembered! In the invitation they asked that any pre-made food be bought from M&S or Waitrose!!

OP posts:
Whichwayyisup · 23/07/2017 17:52

Oh right. Ok

Aeroflotgirl · 23/07/2017 17:53

bluepansies good for you, no more than they deserved. I would not have been fussed about what others were bringing, its not their job. I would have been angry at the B&G total lack of planning, budgeting and care.

pringlecat · 23/07/2017 18:04

I'm not against a pot luck, but you need to tell some of the guests to bring savoury, some to bring sweet etc and to not ask for money. If your guests are doing the catering, that's the present.

And I'm someone who usually always advocates giving cash at weddings.

Floggingmolly · 23/07/2017 18:19

Seriously; you've "just remembered" that little dripfeed nugget?

Underthemoonlight · 23/07/2017 18:30

I wouldn't have went TBH op but I'm glad you didn't give them a gift either. I'm gobsmacked they expected their guests to feed them aswell! They could have got a buffet, hog roast,burger van so many options rather than a sit down meal.

Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 18:31

Yep, just remembered, sorry you don't appear to believe me. Don't see how it's much of a drip feed, it hardly affects the gist of everything I'd previously said does it? Hmm

OP posts:
VeryButchyRestingFace · 23/07/2017 18:32

Oh god I've just remembered! In the invitation they asked that any pre-made food be bought from M&S or Waitrose!!

M & S - yum yum!

Waitrose - meh

Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 18:40

verybutchy I know, it made me laugh. So Waitrose quiche = acceptable. Sainsbury's? Get out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 18:41

Not that anyone brought any quiche, Waitrose or otherwise

OP posts:
Whichwayyisup · 23/07/2017 18:42

Don't see how it's much of a drip feed, it hardly affects the gist of everything I'd previously said does it?

Well yes, it does really. Why on earth would you have made all of those macaroons if you were expected to bring food from Waitrose/M&S?

Original poster
Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 18:43

No! They said to home-make something, but if not, and it had to be pre-bought, could we make sure it was from Waitrose or M&S!

OP posts:
BroomstickOfLove · 23/07/2017 18:44

I quite like pot-luck weddings when they are properly organised, but would expect them to be held in a low-budget venue and with the bride and groom making a substantial contribution towards the food and drink and for the guests' contributions to count as their gifts. Cheap but lovely weddings along those lines tend to ask guests travelling a long way to bring a bottle, and the bride and groom have generally provided some sort of big central part of the meal and a bottle of wine or so per guest, and asked the guests to bring more if they wanted. They've been happy and informal gatherings of family and friends rather than making any pretence of elegance.

JennyBlueWren · 23/07/2017 19:52

Once went to a wedding that was BYOB but we hadn't been told. It wasn't on the invite but somehow everyone else knew! We had to blag drinks off people we didn't know all day. I was pregnant and it was hard to even get water without nipping to the loo!

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