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Dead BM's friends posting pics of my SS on Facebook

86 replies

beautiebyqueenie · 23/07/2017 13:58

Hi πŸ‘‹πŸ½
I really need some advice! Yesterday my SS went to a party (he is 6 years old) and one of the other mothers there was an old friend of his dead BMs. She has always been very disrespectful of me (snide comments to other people) being SS's stepmother but yesterday she took a picture of my SS and posted it onto dead BMs Facebook wall with some snide remarks about the situation. I am so angry and upset, as this is something in years to come my SS will be able to see and she did not seek out permission from BF (or me) to take the photo and post it online. I don't like confrontation but feel it is my duty to ask her to remove it to protect my SS as she brought quite a lot of emotion into the post. I don't know what to do. Thanks in advance x

OP posts:

FlaviaAlbia · 23/07/2017 14:01

Sounds like you don't have parental rights?
Get your partner to report it to Facebook or say that she doesn't have parental permission to post the picture. They'll remove it as he's under 13.

Sounds like she's looking for a fight, I wouldn't give it to her.


WillowWeeping · 23/07/2017 14:01

Get your boyfriend to sort it out.

As an aside how long have you been "stepmum"? It's pretty unusual revering to yourself as stepmum when you're not married to the child's parent


Windycityblues · 23/07/2017 14:03

I think this is one for BF to sort out. He needs to to protect his DS privacy and talk the the friend of his desceased wife. I understand this will be an upsetting thing for you but I really wouldn't engage with it.


ChickenBhuna · 23/07/2017 14:03

There are far many acronyms to even begin to understand who is who on your post.


LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 23/07/2017 14:04

Unless there is a massive back story here it's very disrespectful to call the child's mother his 'birth mother'. Mother would do just fine.

I believe if your bf tells Facebook the page's owner is deceased they can close the page down.


Whosthemummynow · 23/07/2017 14:05

I'm guessing SS is step son? BM... Birth mum? Or best mate.... Argh!


beautiebyqueenie · 23/07/2017 14:06

2 years, and BF was meant as Birth Father, not boyfriend. I am very much his stepmother. BM and BF were never married x

OP posts:

beautiebyqueenie · 23/07/2017 14:06

SS- step son, BM-birth mother x

OP posts:

beautiebyqueenie · 23/07/2017 14:07

I don't think BM as birth mother is disrespectful at all.

OP posts:

MandateMandy · 23/07/2017 14:08

I think this all depends.

When did the childs mum die?
Do you have parental rights?
Does the child view you as his mum?
What exactly was written on the post with the photograph?
What was the situation with your partner and his son's mum before she died?


Gobbolinothewitchscat · 23/07/2017 14:08

I'm a bit confused? Have you adopted your step son? If not, then his mother is his mother (not his birth mother) and you are his step mother. So, William and Harry haven't been in the osiers today referring to Diana as their "birth mother". I feel really strongly about this as using these terms could be very confusing and very ultimately upsetting to your step son in the future.

Re: Facebook, nobody needs to seek anyone's permission if they are taking a photograph in a public place - which it sounds like this party would be? Nor do they needs to ask permission before putting it on Facebook. It would be years presumably before your step son would be on facebook anyway and I think - with the passing of time - the commebt would be seen for what it is

What I would do is concentrate on your relationship with your step son and make sure that he knows he is able to talk about his mum freely and that her memory and place in his life is respected and protected


AnnoyedPianoMum · 23/07/2017 14:08

I'd stick with referring to her as mum on here. He's luckily to have a caring step-mum with you but she will always be his mum.


MaidOfStars · 23/07/2017 14:09

You don't deal with it.

You get your partner/husband to address his dead ex (?)-wife's friend about posting photos of his son on social media without permission.


Purplemac · 23/07/2017 14:09

"Mother" and "father" will do just fine since they are the only mother and father he has had? No need to clarify with "birth" prefix, it's quite disrespectful and is usually only used in adoption where there have been different parents.

This is for your husband to sort out - he can easily get it removed from Facebook. You sound more concerned about what it says about you than you do with anything else to be honest.


CinderellaRockefeller · 23/07/2017 14:09

It's not your duty. It's your partner's.
Unless you have adopted the child?

It's a really horrible situation for everyone, but your "step" son's mother is his mother. Dead or alive. You won't do him any favours by trying to erase her from his life. She's not a threat to you.


AlternativeTentacle · 23/07/2017 14:09



MaidOfStars · 23/07/2017 14:10

And yes, lose the idea of calling her 'birth Mum'.


Purplemac · 23/07/2017 14:11

I don't think BM as birth mother is disrespectful at all.

It is. It implies he has more than one mother. He doesn't - he has one mother and a stepmother, two completely different things.


Gobbolinothewitchscat · 23/07/2017 14:11

Sorry - re: Facebook I mean ask "your" permission as I am assumimg you have t adopted your step son and don't have parental rights. Your DH could ask for removal


Valderal · 23/07/2017 14:11

Do you have PR?

I'd ask boyfriend to contact Facebook and ask them to remove the photo.


Valderal · 23/07/2017 14:14

What were the snide remarks?


Whosthemummynow · 23/07/2017 14:16

Is the BF your DP?


beautiebyqueenie · 23/07/2017 14:16

Thanks for the advice. To clarify, yes he does see me as his "motherly" figure although he is aware of who his birth mother is and we speak positively of her memory. As a family unit we think it is very important for him to have that mother figure and support for years to come. Our decision and he is growing very much into an out going and caring little boy. Something that his birth mother couldn't and didn't give him. And to those saying i have this issue because of things being said about me? It is sad you have come to that conclusion. I am extremely protective because of the rocky 6 years he has already had and that is why I have the problem.

OP posts:

AndNowItIsSeven · 23/07/2017 14:17

It's just his mum and really non of your business.


AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/07/2017 14:17

There's nothing wrong with your post, your use of acronyms or you calling yourself his SM (I'd probably stick with DM rather than BM myself though - but again, depends on the circumstances really). Clearly some people have got out of the wrong side of the bed today and are best ignored. If people can't understand your acronyms from the context, it says more about them than you.

That woman is a complete bitch. Ask DP to contact FB saying she doesn't have PR & he wants the photo removed. Ask about the text too, but they'll probably refuse.

Depending on what she said & what she's doing, I'd consider getting a lawyer to send her a sternly worded letter.

Try not to let it bring you down. If you three are happy, that's really all that matters.

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