To just say fuck it. Its this meal or starve?

[NapQueen]

Dd is a picky eater. Not down to just one meal or anything, and she eats a variety of fruit and veg etc. But if she had it her way she would eat:

*cereal/toast for breakfast
*ham sandwich with yoghurt and cucmber sticks for lunch
*plain pasta and sausages for dinner, with maybe cauliflower or carrots
*cereal for supper

She is more a "knows what she likes and wont try new stuff" kind of eater. She is five. Has been eating jacket pots with butter since starting Reception class.

We also have ds (nearly 3) who eats anything.

Now we are into the summer hols we will be providing all meals (usually school bfast club and lunch, childminder does her dinner, we do supper).

I dont have the patience to negotiate which elements of her meal she will or wont eat. Similarly I dont want to restrict ds down to dds faves or make separate dishes.

So tonight I did the "this is it. Eat it or starve. I wont be serving supper if you dont eat a reasonable amount of dinner as clearly you must be full"

Can I cure her?!?!

Is supper really necessary anyway? Sounds like she is eating enough as it is.

I wasn't allowed to be fussy. It was "here's your dinner" and it was that or nothing.

YANBU at all, she'll eat if she's hungry. As you say, don't engage in negotiations about what she's prepared to have, just praise her (and DS) for eating anything they'd perhaps not have chosen when it happens. She may even learn that the best way to get your attention is to eat her meal!

My kids loved all kinds of foods from a very early age, and I think the fact that I always served them what my husband and I ate helped. I never made separate meals for them. If we had fish, that's what they ate. Same with everything else. Take it or leave it.

Do it, she'll eat it, but it might take a few mealtimes of her creating a fuss.
Very few children starve themselves.

So are you saying that in school time you usually just need to provide a bowl of cereal for supper?

Have you tried restricting snacks and making tea late? We have had a busy day today, ds 2.10 had cereal, no toast, vegi lasagne with veg for lunch, no snacks except a few cheese puffs. Tea was late - 7.30 and he ate toad in the hole,mash and veg within minutes!! Won't usually demolish mash or peas but cleared the plate as was really hungry!

I will get slated for this. My grandmother who brought me up had a way of making me eat. If you didn't eat it it was served up again at the next meal and you ate it or staved. Wartime generation. Only did it once. Now can thank her for it as very little I will not eat!

That's the reality for a lot of us, seesensepeople. Deal with it - we have to.

Could you make at least one element of each meal something you know she will eat? The veg for example is an easy one, then you know she will eat something

What do you mean Armi? I was trying to find out what is behind the OPs concerns about what to feed her DD.
If you think I am in some sort of privileged position then you can FOTTFSOFTFOSM as I am a widow with 5 children and work full time.
So less of your goady responses please dear.

Going against the grain here but my dd is 4.5 had very picky. Like only a handful of foods picky. I don't push it because she's healthy etc. My sister and my fil were both very picky eaters as children and are fine as adults. In contrast myself and my fil siblings ate perfectly normally. I think often it has nothing to do with attitude to food. Some children are just like that. They grow out if it.

I don't push it because I don't want food to be a battle ground.

If you didn't eat it it was served up again at the next meal and you ate it or staved
Urgh that is pretty grim, it obviously worked though

Not sure re the eat when they are hungry ..as in what you think tbey should eat My ds1 now nearly 18 was horrendous.I tried everything......he sometimes wouldnt eat very much for 2 days and was sick! That happened twice.So I used to give him what I knew he would eat.In the end I wrote down what he did eat and saw was relatively balanced.He started eating much better from aged about 9.My ds10 tries most things.I still cook 2 or 3 differentish meals as we have different likes and 2 of us are veggie..

I'd cook meals that had at least one bit she would eat. So offer cereal or toast for breakfast. What ever you fancy for lunch but with yoghurt and cucumber. Dinner again whatever you fancy but with carrots and cauliflower sides. And once or twice a week do pasta or sausages. Then yes cereal for supper so she doesn't wake hungry on days you've not offered much she will eat. But I'd try to offer either ham sandwich at lunch or sausage/pasta for tea.

Neurotypical children don't starve themselves.

If you give her whatever everyone else is having, ask her to eat it, then don't comment further, she can either eat it or not. But she doesn't get anything else, and you don't make a big deal about whether she eats or not--and that bit is key. Don't comment. Just clear the food away when the meal is done, and that's that. When all the fuss of you running around after her goes away, and she only gets the same as everyone else, it's amazing how easily children stop being picky eaters.

Unnecessarily unpleasant, seesensepeople .

Does she even need supper?

YANBU thought. Tell her she doesn't have to finish her dinner if she doesn't want but that's all that's on the menu.

You risk making meal times into a much bigger issue than they need to be.

And some children certainly will starve themselves before eating a food that is "wrong"

I had a stand off with my dd tonight regarding food. She's very fussy and has a very limited diet, she's now 13 and I am fed up of her wanting to eat the same heal every day. Tonight I made her pizza using whole meal pita bread and some roasted new potatoes and veg. She won't even have veg on her plate so I didn't give her any. She bit into the pizza and apparently found a small piece of tomato ( usually I just use tomato purée but tonight I used a pizza sauce ), she then complained that the potatoes had skin on them. She carried on moaning so I told her she didn't have to eat it but would have to go hungry. She hasn't asked for anything else. The only hot food she eats is pizza and fish cakes. She doesn't eat any veg or meat but will eat fruit. She basically lives on bread and cheese.

My other dd will eat almost anything and I like to eat healthy ( lots of veg and fruit). I hate having to feed dd pizza almost every day. She does have ASD and from a early age would gag on most foods, I was told by my gp to let her eat what she wants but I don't think a diet with no meat or veg is good for her.

Your dd's diet looks ok to me, be thankful that she eats some veg

I would include at least one item she likes at each meal. And I would do my best to remove any emotion, positive or negative, from mealtimes. Easier said than done, I know! But I wouldn't comment on what or how much she eats. No praise for eating well or reprimand for rejecting the food on offer. Just put the food down and back off. I'd also limit snacks and dispense with the cereal for supper (unless she is really hungry at that time).

Good luck!

Agree Sirzy.

I have one similar eater (one eats well) - I try not to make a big deal of it but don't cook anything separately. He's similar to your DD in that he will eat a decent breakfast and sandwich and fruit for lunch, so dinner is either eat it or leave it (just don't whinge about it!). I do always include one of the vegetables he will eat with dinner (sweetcorn, carrots, sometimes peas) and am happy to serve in separate bowls. I don't do supper but do offer a fairly nutritious pudding eg Greek yoghurt and banana.

YANB particularly U, but I would speak to her about food before doing it. Ask her if there's a reason she doesn't want/won't try new foods. I think it's just a picky age, but she might have a "reason" for it and it would help to work thruogh that.

Assuming you haven't already done that because it wasn't in the OP. The idea of providing something she'll eat with each meal is a decent one because as long as she gets something, she's not gonna starve.

Our NHS dietician told us that we shouldn't serve separate meals or alternatives, but to always serve a dessert of something healthy that DS will eat so we know he's had something.

Don't make meals a battleground, but take it or leave it is a perfectly fine attitude IMO.

There are two options in my kitchen. Take it or leave it.

I have yet to find a situation where it is left.

That's both the toddler and the husband who should know better.