To just say fuck it. Its this meal or starve?

[NapQueen]

Dd is a picky eater. Not down to just one meal or anything, and she eats a variety of fruit and veg etc. But if she had it her way she would eat:

*cereal/toast for breakfast
*ham sandwich with yoghurt and cucmber sticks for lunch
*plain pasta and sausages for dinner, with maybe cauliflower or carrots
*cereal for supper

She is more a "knows what she likes and wont try new stuff" kind of eater. She is five. Has been eating jacket pots with butter since starting Reception class.

We also have ds (nearly 3) who eats anything.

Now we are into the summer hols we will be providing all meals (usually school bfast club and lunch, childminder does her dinner, we do supper).

I dont have the patience to negotiate which elements of her meal she will or wont eat. Similarly I dont want to restrict ds down to dds faves or make separate dishes.

So tonight I did the "this is it. Eat it or starve. I wont be serving supper if you dont eat a reasonable amount of dinner as clearly you must be full"

Can I cure her?!?!

Autistic ds would literally starve himself than eat something he doesn't want. No amount of reserving it would change this I'm afraid. DD on the other hand will eat anything I put in front of her.

My picky one will more often choose leave it rather than take it, but he will normally eat some fruit or yogurt for pudding. I think you just have to look at the bigger picture - are they eating fruit/veg, dairy, protein, carbs over the course of the day/week? Are they healthy and growing (mine is a slim 9th centile but full of energy)? If that's the case then who cares if dinner is a banana rather than lentil and spinach curry.

BeccaAnne I do not tolerate fussy eating and my DS and DSD eat what they are given end of. So what would you have done with my DD, seriously underweight and on the verge of being admitted to hospital for tube feeding? I have had so many people say stuff like this to me but I am interested in what they would do if their child was like mine.

My GP was very understanding, he told me had had said things like you to many mothers and felt guilty as he ended up with a DD just like mine, they even had the same name.

My 2.5 year old will starve himself. He won't eat if he doesbt want to. Last year on holiday he lost 4lbs in a week.

Mealtimes are horrible in this house so I've given up!
My DH isn't supportive and will happily give in to DS (8yrs) and give him ice cream for pudding regardless of whether he's eaten anything for his main meal. DH is old (60's) and has been a very fussy bugger all his life. I refuse to cook any meals for DH so he lives mostly on tinned soup or salad. He has health issues unsurprisingly.
My DS lives on chips with fish fingers or chicken nuggets. Occasionally some peas and sweet corn. He won't eat any fruit at all and no other vegetables. Breakfast is dry chocolate cereal or bacon sandwiches. He won't drink milk. He also refuses to use cutlery other than a spoon for ice cream. Yes, he picks up peas with his fingers.
Where we live there are no school dinners, just packed lunches which he never touches regardless of what's in them. The teachers don't police the packed lunches so I could fill his lunch box with utter shite and no one would comment. I put fruit and veg in them and they come home untouched several hours later.
He used to eat cheese or ham sandwiches but refuses them now. He literally doesn't eat between breakfast and 5pm every day including holidays. I used to feel very embarrassed in front of other parents but now I just shrug.
I give him a multivitamin tablet every day.
In all other respects, he's a happy chilled boy and has lots of friends.

I will get slated for this. My grandmother who brought me up had a way of making me eat. If you didn't eat it it was served up again at the next meal and you ate it or staved. Wartime generation. Only did it once. Now can thank her for it as very little I will not eat!

My mum tried that. It didn't work, and all I learned was to fear mealtimes.

You have to go with the flow in the end. Dd2 lived on tomato soup, grapes and bread for months. At 23 she is now the healthiest eater ever!
DS had a fear of eating at school in the dining hall so had no food between breakfas( if he ate it) and tea. At 15 he stands at 6 foot 1 and bulky. However he still wont eat lots of things and lives mostly on pasta and wraps -smoothies on a good day. Give a multi vit and step back from the battleground