Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just say fuck it. Its this meal or starve?

82 replies

NapQueen · 22/07/2017 20:57

Dd is a picky eater. Not down to just one meal or anything, and she eats a variety of fruit and veg etc. But if she had it her way she would eat:

*cereal/toast for breakfast
*ham sandwich with yoghurt and cucmber sticks for lunch
*plain pasta and sausages for dinner, with maybe cauliflower or carrots
*cereal for supper

She is more a "knows what she likes and wont try new stuff" kind of eater. She is five. Has been eating jacket pots with butter since starting Reception class.

We also have ds (nearly 3) who eats anything.

Now we are into the summer hols we will be providing all meals (usually school bfast club and lunch, childminder does her dinner, we do supper).

I dont have the patience to negotiate which elements of her meal she will or wont eat. Similarly I dont want to restrict ds down to dds faves or make separate dishes.

So tonight I did the "this is it. Eat it or starve. I wont be serving supper if you dont eat a reasonable amount of dinner as clearly you must be full"

Can I cure her?!?!

OP posts:
supersop60 · 22/07/2017 22:18

I think that what she is eating sounds ok. There's a mix of food groups there.
It's strange how children are so different - my DD(16) will eat anything, my DS (13) not so much unless it's covered in ketchup. Same parents, same kitchen, same upbringing.

potatoscowls · 22/07/2017 22:21

What is this obsession with torturing children with foods they hate?

chitofftheshovel · 22/07/2017 22:28

OP what does she eat at school and at childminders?

Sushi123 · 22/07/2017 22:31

Potatoscowls, I certainly wouldn't try to get my child to eat food he doesn't like, I know he likes his porridge apple and cinnamon, he's had it every morning since he was six months old, now 20 months..but he likes to push boundaries in the hope he'll get something else instead. I want him to have a healthy diet and also to realize that I am not going to make meal after meal after meal to pander to his whimsy.

MumIsRunningAMarathon · 22/07/2017 22:34

Just do it op

You know your child best

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/07/2017 22:40

I agree .. I used to make sure that something on the plate was in the acceptable list but beyond that concession never offered options and just plodded away putting things on the plate. No discussion or emotion and no wheedling... as you say take it or leave it ... and the same tomorrow !

Majora · 22/07/2017 22:43

What is this obsession with torturing children with foods they hate?

I agree with that if you mean PP (like serving them food they didn't eat as a punishment or forcing them into eating food they don't want) but in regards to OP I think she just wants her daughter to broaden her horizons a little and be open to trying new foods.

I would definitely not want somebody in a situation like mine where I'm too afraid to eat new foods or anything other than my "safe" foods out of fear of an IBS trigger.

LondonLassInTheCountry · 22/07/2017 22:44

Maybe cut out the "supper"

There is no need for 4 meals a day

Crumbs1 · 22/07/2017 22:58

It's not torturing children to offer them a good meal as the single option. They have the choice to eat some, all or none of it. It teaches them to eat healthily, eat varied foodstuffs and to be polite when out. Nothing worse than a teenager or adult in a restaurant picking out bits from their food or not being able to find anything they're prepared to eat.
I don't think food should ever be a battle but neither should the child dictate completely separate meals to everyone else. They'll not starve themselves for long.

OliviaStabler · 22/07/2017 23:00

So you make a meal, your serve it. If she doesn't eat it, tough! She can go hungry. She'll soon learn to be less fussy when she is hungry.

Florriesma · 22/07/2017 23:08

She'll be fine op. Stick to your guns. Just be matter if fact about it as others say. 3dc who will eat anything having followed take it or leave it method.

Rhubarbtart9 · 22/07/2017 23:14

It does help to wean them on to a wide and changing diet and not worry about weight/calories (particularly in the uk)

If you suspect she has SEN/sensory issues I would probably take professional advice. Otherwise I'd serve one family meal with the kids eating it earlier and you eating it later. And eating all together at weekends.

Rhubarbtart9 · 22/07/2017 23:15

Also cut back snacks and ensure she's actually hungry pre meal

Cinderllaspinkdresswasthebest · 22/07/2017 23:21

My son was a very picky eater - wouldn't eat any food with a sauce on, a vegetable and no amount of bribery, serving him food that we all ate and not offering anything else made a difference. He would go hungry.

Now? He's a 24 year old who will eat almost anything and everything. Don't beat yourself up about it OP, I did and as an adult he's more adventurous than me!

Brighteyes27 · 22/07/2017 23:42

I have a DS 13 who has quite sophisticated tastes he loves chilli olives herbs spices and will eagerly try new foods he very rarely eats cheese except on pizza and he won't have butter, marg or spreads.
DD 12 is an absolute nightmare she will have very little meat (but isn't a veggie) as occasionally will have chicken in bread crumbs, hotdogs, tinned tuna or mattesons sausage!!! She would live on margarita pizza, plain pasta, beans on toast, hotdogs, basmati rice or a cheese sandwiches and chocolate (basically mainly carbs). She likes carrot broccoli, broccoli and sweet corn but won't eat any other veg or fruit. She is blooming hard work and I dread meal times. It's so difficult cooking two separate meals and I worry about her diet/nutrition. She is tall and in proportion for her height but has a little pot belly.

Want2bSupermum · 22/07/2017 23:44

DS is autistic and has food issues due to his sensory problems. We spent a lot of time with him being guided by a food therapist. The big take away for a normal child is to keep serving them the same foods as you normally would. If they don't like something you can play around with texture to see if it helps. Also playing with food helps. We have a full play kitchen with play meat, fruit and veg. The Melissa and Doug range have a couple of good sets which mimic the touch and feel of the real stuff.

AlphaBites · 22/07/2017 23:48

This one area that my husband and I clash on. 😡

Our DD is picky, right from the start I would serve her the same thing we would eat. DH would then pipe up "This isn't children's food really is it ?" when she would start to moan and carry on. She does have SN but as a toddler would demolish anything she was given, and was a good eater. The she turned 3 Hmm

I'm of the opinion "Eat it or starve." DH isn't and would always always give her a pudding after, so she started to kick up a fuss and eat 1/4 of her dinner and still get a pudding. Whilst I would be seething with fury in the kitchen. We had words many many times, he was a fussy child and his mother would serve him whatever he would eat, but "I grew out of it and I eat nearly anything now" no, you don't
It has got easier but the amount of times I would plan a healthy meal and spend a long time cooking it all, to be given "Ew yuck - that smells disgusting, I'm not eating that!" from dd would get me angry, she only spoke like that twice though, tablet was banned for a week after those comments Angry. But she would still turn her nose up at a lot of food, but gets a reward only for trying it now. The only meal she will refuse is something if it has mushrooms in it I hide them instead.

Jakeyboy1 · 23/07/2017 00:03

Similar issue. I did it tonight and had given up. I walked off to get her something else she started eating it!!! These things are sent to try us. Feeling victorious. It won't last.

Original poster
NapQueen · 23/07/2017 07:04

London ive explained upthread why she has supper. Her dinner is 5pm at the latest (usually about 4.30) at the CMs. Its too long imo to wait to eqt again til 7am

OP posts:
AutoCat · 23/07/2017 07:38

My children eat dinner at 5pm and go to bed at 7pm. They don't eat anything after dinner time and just have a cup of milk before their bath. They are fine with that but they eat a decent amount of dinner (and have natural yoghurt afterwards) so aren't hungry before bed.

mctat · 23/07/2017 07:52

Same as Autocat.

And when did offering children the family meal become 'torture' Confused Its just that - offering it, alongside at least one thing you know they always like. They don't have to eat it, and if they don't want it they eat the thing they like. You can't control what someone else eats, just keep offering.

MsJuniper · 23/07/2017 07:54

The problem with the "take it or leave it" approach is that lots of parents start from that standpoint and it works for some children but not others. Those it works for put it down to their excellent parenting methods (they may well be excellent parents) and those it doesn't have to keep trying other means or compromises (cf babies sleeping through).

Fourmagpies · 23/07/2017 08:11

Sounds like my DS (7). I haven't read all the comments so sorry if someone has already said these but what worked for us is :
Involving him in the preparation of meals
Letting him choose elements of the meal, like which veg he wants, whether he wants rice or potato, whether he wants fish or chicken tonight.
Doing cookery classes, the ones we did involved food tasting in the middle whilst what they had made baked.
Surprisingly have school dinners as he is much more willing to try something at school.
No snacks in the afternoon, he eats much better when he is hungry.
And also adopting recipes to suit him so I'll make chilli or curry but make it milder for him.

I do expect them to try something before making something else (and then it'll be something very simple like a sandwich, not another meal) as quite often he'll see something new and say "I don't like it" without even trying it. We tend to keep things simple in the week, mainly due to lack of time, and experiment at the weekend when we have more time and can be more relaxed about it.

Snacks if they're hungry after tea are banana/apple/rice cakes and peanut butter or a yogurt or custard pot. Ours often have an early tea and later bedtime due to activities and can be hungry before bed.

cellorama · 23/07/2017 08:44

I recently read 'First Bite' by Bee Wilson which is an absolutely fantastic read - it's about how we learn to relate to food, cultural pressures and what a healthy approach could look like. In particular she talks about mega-fussy kids (and indeed adults) who will only eat very particular things.The approach she advocates (based on successful trials) is continual exposure - you serve a meal you know your kid will eat but they also need to have just one small bite of something they're less keen on, and you can use incentives to encourage this. Gradually they'll expand their range over time.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 23/07/2017 09:06

What is this obsession with torturing children with foods they hate?

I don't know but it's horrible. I had issues well into early adulthood from being forced to eat foods or go hungry. We wouldn't do it to an adult partner yet so many easily do it to children. It's like they aren't worth it.