I know I'm probably being unreasonable here, however, I'd like some other opinions.
My DP and I have been seeing each other two years. Have been talking of getting married lately, there is one issue, and I'm happy to be told it's just me. His ex wife still uses his name. (Her name now I suppose)
They have two children together if tat helps, don't want to drop feed later.
He's big on tradition and wants me to take his name. I've said I'd rather keep my maiden name because I don't want to be with the same name she has (childish maybe) but to me it isn't a comfortable thing. It's not that I want her to use her maiden name, it's my issue and I'm happy to accept that it's a silly one, but I can't seem to get pasted it.
I've said I'd double barrel mine to his, then use my maiden name in non legal ways, places etc. But he's very much all or nothing mentality.
Any ideas for a compromise?
Should I just build a bridge and get over this silliness?
AIBU?
Second Wife, Same Surname.
LittleBooInABox · 22/07/2017 20:46
Always some clever dick. 
Maybe tricked was the wrong word but she told dh she wouldn't have sex before marriage. Then when they were married she told him she never intended to have sex with anyone.
@sharklovers
There's nothing quite as twattish as double barrelling. Just take his name.
Much of the population of the world is twattish then! Many cultures have double barrelling!
@Lucysky2017
He could change his to yours unless he is very sexist of course... root out his sexism.
What a load of crap. How ridiculous to say a man is sexist if he doesn't change HIS name to his wife's name.
Upshot is, a woman IS entitled to keep her married name for life - whether she has been married to her husband for a year - or 20 years plus, and she is also entitled to keep her maiden name. Or she can double barrel it! It's got fuckall to do with anyone else. And nothing she does is 'twattish!'
If a 'new' wife is irked about the 'old wife' keeping her new husband's surname, then she needs to look at her insecurity issues. I wouldn't give a fuck if I got married and my new husband had an ex with his surname. In fact, I would expect her to have his name still! 
LittleBoo,
Try and think about it as in you're not the second wife, you can't have two wives in the UK so when you get married you will be his only wife.
I'm sure if you google you will find there are hundreds of Mrs Boos out there so don't get yourself hung up on the fact there is a Ms Boo you know of, you will be the wife of your DP if you want to take the surname
It's DP who tells me I'm being overly sensitive on this issue
No, you just want to keep your name like millions of other women AND MEN. That's fine.
Your DP, however, is a trembling MASS of insecurites and misogyny and hypersensitivity on this issue. He NEEDS to have you take HIS name or he just can't handle it? So it's overly sensitive of you to want to keep your name, but perfectly ok for him to DEMAND not only to keep his, but that other people change to his too?
Yep, right - you are the oversensitive one
I wouldn't only be keeping my name, I'd fully intend to give my own children MY surname as the chances of things working out with someone like this are probably worse then the average. It's a really disrespectful thing - to just think it's his decision in ANY way.
'All or nothing mentality' -? Here's your last chance to really work out whether that actually translates as arrogant selfish prick.
And don't change your name :)
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