It's a smoking outside one...

[DoggettandBoo]

Yep, that time of year!!

Went for an early evening trip to a local child friendly pub, me, dd and dh. As schools out it seemed like everyone else had the same idea and there were limited outside tables so we asked if we could join on the bench of another family who had finished eating. They were fine about it till dh started rolling a cig and the other Dad went 'woah, not here mate, we're eating'. I'd be more understanding if they were but it was clearly plates of abandoned food and the kids were playing over on the climbing frame. Dh pointed this out but got up and went to smoke a few metres away and there was no trouble.

I'm not a smoker and I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing. I think everyone has the right to smoke outside but we had jumped on 'their' table so maybe it's a bit different. Dh was really fucked off but didn't say anything directly. Just moaned and sulked on the walk home to me. I can see both sides tbh.

Lana I've got bad asthma and lung issues too. I genuinely thought it was only harmful to other people if the smoke was In doors.

I'm not pro smoking but I feel like smokers do get a hard time even when they're sticking to the rules.

He said if they'd been eating he wouldn't have lit up or would have asked first.

You have bad asthma and lung issues? Your DH really needs to try and cut down/give up. He certainly shouldn't be smoking around you inside or not!

I know. Your not the first doctor to say that!

I say this as a smoker, if you are sharing a table with people you say 'mind if I smoke?'. It doesn't matter if they are eating or not, smoking has health risks (yes even outside) and lots of people don't like the smell so forcing your smoke on others is out of order. Similarly, sparking up at the bus stop or whilst walking along talking to someone is rude, unless you've checked they don't mind.

I'm not pro smoking but I feel like smokers do get a hard time even when they're sticking to the rules.

The reason they get a hard time is because, even when sticking to the rules, smoking is dangerous to others. I presume you spend a lot of time with your DH whilst he is smoking, yet his habit is overriding your health and that is incredibly inconsiderate of him.

I'm not pro smoking but I feel like smokers do get a hard time even when they're sticking to the rules.

I don't. I spent 7 years looking after COPD patients. I saw what it does to your lungs, and the kind of death you can expect.

" I do think smokers get an unfair time of it a bit but I can see this situation wasn't ok."

The reason smokers get an unfair time of it is due to inconsiderate people like your DH. There are plenty of considerate smokers out there who know how to behave around others, particularly non-smokers.

I don't understand why you think roll ups stink less than other types, all smoking is vile & stinky.

As for your petulant DH who "doesn't like to be told"? He's a parent, tell him to grow the fuck up. So... he must have put a dampener on your night out on the walk home. All because he quite rightly got asked not to do something because he hasn't enough manners to know not to do it himself.

I can't believe you've even had to ask on here if YABU.

But I am a smoker, and while I think the whinging about it being literally anywhere gets annoying, I actually get it.

It's horrible, and gross, and makes everything stink.

I don't smoke anywhere near my DDad or DS. Or anyone else.
If I want a fag I go right to the bottom of the garden/take the dog for a walk/ move as far away from everyone else as possible.

It's not perfect and I still feel guilty, but at least I'm not forcing it on others.

It's a fucking shit habit really, and I say that as someone who has smoked for decades.

tbf I think pubs don't help this issue - they provide one outside seating area that is intended for use by families who want to watch their children playing, by those who prefer to sit in the sunshine rather than indoors, and those who smoke ... It would be better to maintain the beer garden as smoke-free for families and eating, and provide a separate smoking area further away for those who maintain the habit.

Even if I were sitting at a different table and not sharing, I'd still be annoyed by someone smoking whilst I'm eating. But because that can happen, I choose to eat indoors even in the best weather.

Your DH being a heavy smoker means his clothes and hair etc must contantly stink and be full of toxins. He isn't doing you or your child any favours.

Your dh was rude. I don't have a problem with people smoking outside, but not if you've plonked yourself at someone else's table

Just ran this thread past dp who is a smoker too and his response was 'if I was sat at the table and someone came and started to light up I would say something plus you go elsewhere to smoke if there are children present' (and he's a heavy smoker too)

Most pubs have some sort of smoking area - whether it's a little shelter or an ashtray on the wall by the door. I'd have used that.

Imagine if you'd have been at a pub having a nice meal, and then people sat down next to you at your table and started doing massive loud smelly farts. Would you be happy with that?! And farting isn't even hazardous to your health like smoking is! (Although DH's can be quite toxic at times )

Your DH was being very unreasonable. I, and no doubt many others are made to feel ill by second hand smoke. Not because I'm offended by the smell but because it sets me off in a coughing fit. His addiction does not override my need to be able to breath properly. Doesn't matter if the smoking is inside or outside.

You have asthma and lung issues and your DH smokes around you? Wtf!

Actually I really see your point with the farts comparison

Not sure what to say about his smoking and my health. It's not ideal but he's such a heavy smoker I can't see things changing.

That's really rude of your DH. Smoking is just really socially unacceptable these days and you can't rock up and sit next to someone and light a cigarette. It's so harmful and therefore really antisocial. He must get this everywhere he goes though that can't be the first time it's happened?

People only get moody and sulk when they know they're in the wrong.

Have you asked him to stop or cut down?

I have but it's always been an 'I'll give up when I tern 30 or when dd's old enough to notice etc' never happens.

Tbh, aside from other people, kids &food, I find it incomprehensible that your husband would light up at a table that you were sitting at!

And that you don't see to mind!