To think that actually, 4.30 am is not an acceptable time to start the day?

[TooGood2BeFalse]

Hi all.

I have a 1 year old and a 5 year old. I have just left an abusive marriage and am currently staying with my 60 year old dad.My lovely mum died of cancer 3 years ago.

I left our home with no intention of returning and I never will. In the 3 months I've been staying here, my 1 year old has decided to start the day at 4.30 am :-( I have tried everything from different food, putting him to bed earlier/later, he's just now trying to walk so loads of physical time etc. This has been the past 2 months.

I'm so tired.My older son is on the autistic spectrum so has to go to bed at exactly 8pm (he is 5 but an expert on telling the time).But it takes me perhaps 30mins to wind him down, we have to recite the alphabet forwards, backwards (and In french) before he can relax.He is very high functioning and since we started his therapies he's just blossoming.

But I am also trying to work at night (writing, marketing, copy writing, etc) to support us as STBXH is skint and nowhere around.

I need to have a few hours in the evening not just to work, but to clean, do laundry,get my head together etc.But my baby, who is beautiful, lovely easy baby etc. Just insists on these early wakeups.

My AIBU is, I have asked his paediatrician for advice.I have (shamelessly) asked other mothers for advice. But the general consensus is, I am being silly to not understand that some babies wake up early.He will have a 2 hr nap about 9.30 and I'm so grateful that he goes down easily.But he refuses afternoon nap and then is a grumpy git from 3pm onwards.

Sorry I'm not making much sense.

Am I being unreasonableto expect a 1 old (not BF) to sleep longer than 6.45pm to 4.30 am?

On my knees here, hard hat on.Please help. I am trying my hardest to make a new, better life for my sons but at the minute I am so tired I am not functioning well.My dad is the loveliest, most supportive parent you could imagine but I'm trying not to wear him out either.

Won't add to all this advice but of course YANBU. Sleep deprivation is used as torture for a reason!! Hope something mentioned works.

I'm sorry if this has already been suggested but have you tried a white noise machine?

Also, would your little one go back to sleep if left at 4.30?

It's a shame you can't leave him to fuss for a bit, DS2 was waking for a feed at 4am for ages and I couldn't leave him any length of time because of the neighbours. But they went away for a month and I didn't go in immediately (only 2/3 minutes), after about four nights he'd forgotten and never woke at 4 again

Going against the grain - I went with it. Ds1 always woke up at 5am until he was nearly 8. No amount of later bedtimes worked or cutting naps. I just ended up sticking him into bed around 6pm and going to bed at 9pm myself tbh

Have you tried the wake to sleep thing? Worked quite well with our twins, who were also fans of the 4.30am wake-up.

It may be normal baby behaviour but I'm very strict about this kind of thing. 4.30am is still the middle of the night so I go in, offer milk, check nappy, then back in cot. The first couple of times DS was not impressed and yelled for a bit but then seemed to realise he was still tired and went back to sleep!
I am not a fan of crying it out, particularly when it can wake the rest of the house, but it's not good for anyone to be up that early. And I do genuinely believe my DS still hadn't finished his sleep, hence him falling asleep again pretty quickly.
Then up some time after 7, lunch at 12, nap 12.30-2.30 (give or take).
This routine has worked for both my kids although don't for a minute think that my 16 month old has any intention of letting me get an unbroken night any time soon .
Hence my reluctance to start the day at 5am!

My 15 month old is currently up at 5:30 every morning, is driving me crazy! I just leave her to chunter til 7, going in for the odd shush and a drink but it can be hard to do this.

Her older sister did the same, but more like 4am and she nearly killed me but she did just grow out of it.

I can't get over the posters saying bedtime is too early - my 4 year old is knackered at 7pm!! You do all know a 1 year old and an adult is not comparable in terms of sleep requirements?! Most very young children need around 12 hours sleep a night - the ones that "don't" are probably just hyper cos they are shattered!!

Another one here who's baby goes to bed any time between 6.30 and 7.30 quite happily, and has done since he was about 10 weeks old. Assuming there's nothing like teething going on, he's a good sleeper too - for example, last night he was asleep at 6.40 and woke this morning at 8.50. He's always slept between 12 and 14 hours as long as nothing is wrong.

However... he has also started (every now and then) waking at 4.30 and he is 14 months old, so a similar age. Sometimes he wakes and cries until I go in, and then I sleep with him... or he sleeps but fitfully, and I doze. Most of the time though he whinges a bit and then stops, and I can only assume that it's because he's dropped his dummy and then found a new one. For my own sanity and sleep he has slept with around 8 dummies in his cot for months does your DS have a dummy? Could he do with a few more?

It's also worth saying I'd stick with your bedtime if it suits you. We had a rocky few months sleep wise with DS due to stuff going on, undiagnosed gluten intolerance, teething etc and I never changed his bedtime because he still needed it.

I wonder whether it would help to re-think the overall problem to find alternative solutions.

You are thinking of the problem as the baby's early wakeup time. It's true that most adults prefer not to get up at 4:30, and that if the baby would sleep longer then that would fix things for you. But if you can't achieve that goal, is there something else that will work instead?

If I understand right, you have eight hours during which both children are asleep at night. There is an additional two hours during which the baby is asleep in the daytime.

You need more sleep. You need time to do cleaning etc. You need to do some work from home.

Some of this stuff is difficult or impossible to do when the children are awake. The baby is grumpy from 3pm on. You can't leave the 5yo totally unsupervised because of the drowning risk.

What about prioritising your sleep for a short while until you have recovered a bit? Your copywriting is probably of poor quality at the moment anyway if you are overtired, so you might need to get yourself sorted out so you can work faster and more accurately. Also remember that the blue light from using computer screens in the evening is going to interfere with your sleep patterns, so night is a bad time to work. Go to bed when your 5yo has settled for the night. Leave the work and leave the housework.

If you happen to wake up in the night (many people do, whether they are overtired or not), get up and do a bit of housework (not computer work) for an hour or two with the lights down low. If you happen to wake before the baby in the morning, do some work on the computer. You'll do better work early in the day.

Can you use baby naptime as your main work time while your 5yo does other things? And do all housework while the kids are awake?

I know that is all easier said than done, and it isn't a perfect solution, but it may be better than what you have now.

A couple of other tips which have helped me:

Download the free Twilight app so your computer screen is shifted to red instead of blue during the nighttime, which will help prevent it from interfering with your sleep so much.

Learn to "power nap" if there is any time when your dad could look after both kids for a short while. Even 15 minutes can be unbelievably refreshing. If you aren't used to napping, it does take a bit of practice to learn not to go into a deep sleep. One method of learning this is to have a caffeinated drink just before starting the nap. The caffeine kicks in after about 15 minutes and wakes you up painlessly, without the need for a jolting alarm.

Sorry - you just have an early riser. My eldest was a 5am riser brtween 1 and 3. In the olden days when we used VHS. I could get him to sit quietly with me though and know The Lion King bu heart!

Hi all.

Just wanted to update briefly as wasn't expecting so many helpful replies and suggestions.

Since posting last week, I've tried a combination of the following.

Delaying the morning (well, only) nap back till 10.30, although this was initially hell - he was furious.But has adjusted pretty well and still does 2-2.5 hrs, which is a lot but won't nap twice so it's all he gets.

White noise - I have put a fan in the bedroom.

Snack before bed - he loves food so this was always going to be a winner

Walk in the garden late afternoon so lots of sunlight before bed.So hot here but heat has cooled by this point.

Bedtime too 7-.715.Any later causes hysteria but this seems to be about right now.

His wakeup times the past 5 days have been.. 4.35, 5am, 5.30 and...yesterday and today.. 5.50 and 6 am! !!! So a huge improvement!! I felt like I woke up at 10 am today

So early days but I've definitely caught up on some sleep to feel more positive and proactive.

Thank you all again for your help and suggestions Will keep all of these in mind and hope this continues!

Try the Wake to sleep technique.

6.45 isn't a really early bedtime for a baby. I would say around 7pm is about right given that all the experts agree they need 11-12 hours of sleep at night.

Your baby is probably becoming overtired which just makes things worse.

Wake to sleep helped for my early riser.

My 5 year old starts the day any time after midnight. Has always been the case. Even if bedtime was 11. 4.30 sounds appealing!

Yaaay - keep at it all ... the first few nights, the waking was probably from habit but hopefully as you persist, it will go even longer until he wakes up

Try a 10 o'clock bedtime?