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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that actually, 4.30 am is not an acceptable time to start the day?

116 replies

TooGood2BeFalse · 22/07/2017 09:09

Hi all.

I have a 1 year old and a 5 year old. I have just left an abusive marriage and am currently staying with my 60 year old dad.My lovely mum died of cancer 3 years ago.

I left our home with no intention of returning and I never will. In the 3 months I've been staying here, my 1 year old has decided to start the day at 4.30 am :-( I have tried everything from different food, putting him to bed earlier/later, he's just now trying to walk so loads of physical time etc. This has been the past 2 months.

I'm so tired.My older son is on the autistic spectrum so has to go to bed at exactly 8pm (he is 5 but an expert on telling the time).But it takes me perhaps 30mins to wind him down, we have to recite the alphabet forwards, backwards (and In french) before he can relax.He is very high functioning and since we started his therapies he's just blossoming.

But I am also trying to work at night (writing, marketing, copy writing, etc) to support us as STBXH is skint and nowhere around.

I need to have a few hours in the evening not just to work, but to clean, do laundry,get my head together etc.But my baby, who is beautiful, lovely easy baby etc. Just insists on these early wakeups.

My AIBU is, I have asked his paediatrician for advice.I have (shamelessly) asked other mothers for advice. But the general consensus is, I am being silly to not understand that some babies wake up early.He will have a 2 hr nap about 9.30 and I'm so grateful that he goes down easily.But he refuses afternoon nap and then is a grumpy git from 3pm onwards.

Sorry I'm not making much sense.

Am I being unreasonableto expect a 1 old (not BF) to sleep longer than 6.45pm to 4.30 am?

On my knees here, hard hat on.Please help. I am trying my hardest to make a new, better life for my sons but at the minute I am so tired I am not functioning well.My dad is the loveliest, most supportive parent you could imagine but I'm trying not to wear him out either.

OP posts:

Olympiathequeen · 22/07/2017 11:41

'White noise' apps?

Elendon · 22/07/2017 11:48

Your father is only 60 and should be helping. My ex will have 6 year old twins when he is 60. I'm sure he will be helping around the house.

Please have a word with him to help you in this. He should be doing the housework too and supporting you in your work.

Your youngest is 12 months old and going without food for 9 hours approximately. That's good. Who hasn't had grumpy afternoon time?

He's probably just settling into a new routine and I absolutely get the settling of your eldest son . My son is also HF ASD and I so get it, though he was my youngest.

I think you are coping well, especially as you have had such a life change, but please don't try to burn a candle at both ends.

Get your dad to help more.

DonkeyOil · 22/07/2017 11:52

TooGood

I just meant unusual, I suppose - not for everyone, but appeals to me! I taught myself how to count up to twenty in Welsh as a child!

Dannygirl · 22/07/2017 11:53

Sorry I haven't read the whole post but I definitely agree with PPs who have said move his nap to around lunchtime, he should then be able to stretch to a later bedtime around 8pm and totally blackout his room. Try this for a few nights (3-5) before deciding if it's worked. Massive good luck you have a huge amount going on xx

Lonecatwithkitten · 22/07/2017 11:54

I hate to be the prophet of doom, but there some children for whom nothing works. Yes had one I tried everything mentioned here, but I came to the conclusion they just need less sleep.
Then you have to find the least bad solution for you mine was I lay on the sofa with cbeebies on.

Branleuse · 22/07/2017 12:21

How long did you try the later bedtime for. It might take a while to reset his body clock.
Going to bed at 6.45 is really early and its not surprising he wakes very early.

harshbuttrue1980 · 22/07/2017 12:40

Zefstar, this thread is called "aibu", not "sycophants". If someone asks if they are being unreasonable, then it is perfectly fine for them to be told "yes, yabu". In the block of flats where I live, there are many shift workers and early starters, and getting up early is perfectly normal. You clearly have a sheltered life if you don't realise that many people are awake before 7 - factory workers, nurses, doctors, security guards, hotel cleaners, commuters, lorry drivers, pilots, bus and train drivers. So, no, I don't have sympathy for someone whinging about getting up half an hour before I do - why should I - I don't expect sympathy myself.

harshbuttrue1980 · 22/07/2017 12:41

Also, the OP didn't ask if it was normal or desirable, but whether it was "acceptable". To many people, yes we do have to "accept" an early start, and manage to do so without moaning.

honeylulu · 22/07/2017 12:46

I would cut the 9.30am nap (or cut it right back to max 45 mins). He is using that to complete his nights sleep with a gap between 4.30 and 9.30.
You will have to wake him (whch a lot of people disapprove of) but it's his I got my children in a good routine which, when established, meant sleeping through the night followed.
A longer nap after lunch (say 1-3pm). He can then keep going until bedtime. Mine went to bed at 8pm which you may think too late but it suited us for various reasons. They happily sleep until 8am or longer. 4.30 everyday would kill me!! I am up at 5.30 weekdays for work and that's bad enough!!
Remember it may take a few days to "reset" his clock.

Original poster

TooGood2BeFalse · 22/07/2017 12:50

harsh but true don't you sound like a bundle of fun.I don't think I was whinging or moaning.I was asking for advice, and have been very grateful for the suggestions.

If you don't mind me saying. .you sound a little ..overtired

OP posts:

ChangeCat · 22/07/2017 12:51

My 2 year old wakes between 5-6:30am every day. Until about a month ago she woke between 4-5am. I think some children are just early risers. I tried everything to get her to wake later but it didn't work, so ended up adjusting to less sleep!

Can you go to bed earlier? I try to sleep at 9pm every other night so I'm less tired, and nap with her in the day.

peonie83 · 22/07/2017 12:55

Would it helped if you just slept with the baby? Just thinking what will get you through life now?

Original poster

TooGood2BeFalse · 22/07/2017 12:55

Thanks again all.Will definitely try a post-lunch nap again.He seems exhausted to me, he has bags under his eyes from the early starts so I really need to crack it.

I have black out blinds. And he definitely has a full tummy, he eats like a champion

OP posts:

missanony · 22/07/2017 12:56

I've always refused to start my day before 6.30, anything before then is nighttime!!

I found that it was the early nap that made the biggest difference here, it allows the early wake up because they don't have to last too long. Try pushing it to after lunch and it should push the whole routine later.

Original poster

TooGood2BeFalse · 22/07/2017 12:57

Sorry, I should have said before.As I'm temporarily at my dad's, me and the two boys are sharing a room.

So I can't leave the baby to fuss a bit or it wakes up his big brother

OP posts:

missanony · 22/07/2017 13:03

It's worth a few early starts for the older one to break the habit of early waking though, 3-4 days of ignoring would probably be enough

redphonebox · 22/07/2017 13:15

Yes I would think 6.45 quite a normal bedtime for a one year old. I wouldn't describe it as particularly early! Interesting.

OP this thread is that brilliant thing you sometimes get on the internet where half the people tell you to do one thing (encourage your baby to go to sleep earlier) and half tell you to do the exact opposite (encourage your baby to go to sleep later)

My DD was like your DS and in fact her habits sound pretty identical. I hate to be all doom and gloom but we tried everything and never did find a solution. I just had to work with it and it did get better on its own around 18 months/2 years. She's still a natural early bird though.

Brittbugs80 · 22/07/2017 13:20

Put the baby to bed later. My 9 month old has a 8pm bedtime for this reason

Not always the answer. My 9 year old woke at 530 every morning for a feed without fail. He still wakes at that time now. I can put him to bed any time up to midnight and he still wakes at 530 but is tired the rest of the time. He sometimes manages 6/630am of a weekend but this is rare.

I'd try shifting his morning sleep later or cutting it out and push for an afternoon nap

PetrovaFossil1 · 22/07/2017 13:33

Another vote here for 6.45 being a perfectly normal bedtime for a one year old.
I would suspect overtiredness too

Chickoletta · 22/07/2017 13:35

Have you read Gina Ford? She's a bit marmite and very unpopular on MN but I followed her routines with both my DCs and found that they worked well and, apart from periods of teething etc, they slept reliably from 7-7 (and still do!). It's a while since mine were little but I think you might find changing your daytime nap times might help with this. You'd need to read the book, but GF nap timings for a 1 yr old would be 9am, 30 mins then a longer nap at lunchtime 12.30-2 or something like that. I always found it amazing how the quality and timing of their daytime naps would affect night time sleep. Good luck!

harshbuttrue1980 · 22/07/2017 13:39

No, not overtired at all - I don't work on Saturdays. Just flabbergasted at the fact that someone can be so princessy as to really be surprised that some people get up early without thinking "woe is me".

YourDaughterHasATattoo · 22/07/2017 13:48

My DS was like this at a similar age. Tried all the moving of naps and bedtimes to no effect. Tried the wake to sleep,OMG, that just led to a 4.30am wake up (that's sick not envy!)
Only thing that had any effect was getting him outside in the daylight for at least 30 mins before he went to bed. We took him for a walk, play in the park or just in the garden. Apparently something to do with the light affects their circadian rhythms and makes them sleep longer. Happened fairly quickly - he moved to 6-6.30am wake ups which isn't perfect, but made a world of difference to us.
Worth a try?

Spanneroo · 22/07/2017 15:24

OP I think my DDs and I are in the same camp as your DS2. We will all wake up by 6am latest every day - regardless of how late we've gone to bed. It's a bit of a curse really because if we lose sleep, it's lost. There's no lying in to feel better.

However, DD1 was on the extreme end of this at around 14 months when we moved house (window facing the sunrise) and we fixed it accidentally by cosleeping because I was exhausted . After about 3 nights of having DD in bed with me, she went from sleeping 6:30-4:00 to sleeping 6:30-6:00. Might be worth a try!

Original poster

TooGood2BeFalse · 22/07/2017 18:44

Just to say thank you everyone for taking the time to give some tips - will try! White noise is something I forgot about, he was used to a fan at home so trying that tonight.The daylight/circadian rhythms thing is also a great idea!

Thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

TooGood2BeFalse · 22/07/2017 18:52

Thanks also Napqueen just spotted your routine suggestion!

OP posts:

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