To think that actually, 4.30 am is not an acceptable time to start the day?

[TooGood2BeFalse]

Hi all.

I have a 1 year old and a 5 year old. I have just left an abusive marriage and am currently staying with my 60 year old dad.My lovely mum died of cancer 3 years ago.

I left our home with no intention of returning and I never will. In the 3 months I've been staying here, my 1 year old has decided to start the day at 4.30 am :-( I have tried everything from different food, putting him to bed earlier/later, he's just now trying to walk so loads of physical time etc. This has been the past 2 months.

I'm so tired.My older son is on the autistic spectrum so has to go to bed at exactly 8pm (he is 5 but an expert on telling the time).But it takes me perhaps 30mins to wind him down, we have to recite the alphabet forwards, backwards (and In french) before he can relax.He is very high functioning and since we started his therapies he's just blossoming.

But I am also trying to work at night (writing, marketing, copy writing, etc) to support us as STBXH is skint and nowhere around.

I need to have a few hours in the evening not just to work, but to clean, do laundry,get my head together etc.But my baby, who is beautiful, lovely easy baby etc. Just insists on these early wakeups.

My AIBU is, I have asked his paediatrician for advice.I have (shamelessly) asked other mothers for advice. But the general consensus is, I am being silly to not understand that some babies wake up early.He will have a 2 hr nap about 9.30 and I'm so grateful that he goes down easily.But he refuses afternoon nap and then is a grumpy git from 3pm onwards.

Sorry I'm not making much sense.

Am I being unreasonableto expect a 1 old (not BF) to sleep longer than 6.45pm to 4.30 am?

On my knees here, hard hat on.Please help. I am trying my hardest to make a new, better life for my sons but at the minute I am so tired I am not functioning well.My dad is the loveliest, most supportive parent you could imagine but I'm trying not to wear him out either.

Do not reward Early Wakes with toys in the cot.
You want to give him no extra incentive to wake early at all

I have a variety of sleeping habits between my children. One of them is a natural early riser...even if she goes to bed at midnight she's up no later than 6.30 the next day. Typically she goes to bed at 7 and is up at 5 (sometimes 4.45 sometimes 5.30). She's now 6 and this has gone on since babyhood. I've tried moving bedtimes, moving naps, blackout curtains, gro clock, altering temperature, changing mattress. You name it I've tried it. She's just a morning person and is then hysterical or just exhausted by bedtime.

If your child falls into this category then there's not really much you can do but before you give up I'd suggest forcing an afternoon nap (going for a walk in buggy or a drive in car as motion might help). Or try moving the nap in morning to start later...drag it out so baby sleeps around 11 instead of going down so early. You can gradually draw out nap time by moving it later every few days until you're at optimum time. This'll help him to stay awake longer in night (possibly!). Also sometimes an earlier bedtime can lead to a better sleep so try putting him down closer to 6 and see if he sleeps the same or better. I speak from experience that my child didn't alter her wake time from going to bed earlier but she didn't get up earlier as a result so ended up having more sleep. Some children sleep worse when overtired which is why an earlier bedtime might help and then you can gradually make bedtime later again.

What jassy said! I remember trying this with at least one of mine and it did work (5am wakers)

Well no it's not but some children are just very early risers! .

I think 1 is a bit young for her to understand 4:30am is not wake up time. I vividly remember both my DCs getting up at around 4/4:30am and using it as playtime for a while. It is just a phase.

Can you try putting her to bed a little later? Try for 7/7:15.

If it's any consolation my DD who used to do this now sleeps in at the grand old age of 11!

Well done on leaving that relationship and making the best decision for you and your children. Hang on in there OP. As MNers are fond of saying 'This too, shall pass'.

Could you push his morning nap back? If you could keep him awake for longer in the morning so that his nap ended later, he might be able to stay up a bit later in the evening?

Just 1 or 18 months? Big difference in day time sleep requirements.

I'd let him have a really short morning nap or try and push it back till 11

When you say he's exhausted by 6pm, have you tried to bath him at 6pm and put him straight to bed - maybe he's getting over tired due to not having day time nap ... it may be because you're in a different environment that this started. Assuming you've tried this also, but when he wakes can you give him bottle and change him and see if he'll settle back down again? Have a look here

For how long have you triec putting him yo bed at 8pm? 1 day won't work or even 10! You need to persevere, he'll eventually adjust.
6.45pm is absurdly early, that's the time I get home from work! Your ds is sleeping what is completely normal for some children- 10hours

I think 4.30 is fairly normal, although your one year old is having a huge amount of sleep, going down crazy early, AND that massive nap in the day too.

i would suggest getting up with him at 4.30 am, and doing housework together then. And taking advantage of your children's very early bedtimes to rest in the evening your self.

Nothing ever worked for my eldest. All attempts to alter sleep schedule were spitting into the wind. I think you may have to find a way to work with your baby's schedule, hard though that is.

Does your older son need continuous supervision and attention when awake? Are you able to either work or sleep during the baby's nap?

Hi again! Thank you all, wasn't expecting so many helpful replies, will be back to reply to all shortly x

Did you try the later bed time routine over a period of weeks or just one or two nights? It can take a while to change a routine and a habit of waking at a certain time.

If you are on your own could you use a childminder for a few hours a day to get some writing done?

I'd echo the calls for later nap time but don't see the need to push bedtime back too much. My 18 month old DD is in her cot by 7 and is usually asleep by 8 at the latest. She sleeps until 6.30-7 ish most mornings and has a two hour nap in the day anywhere between 11 and 2 (disclaimer - I know I am lucky and not all babies are or can be like this!)

But if your baby is awake from 11am ish until 6.45 when he goes to bed that is a very long time for a one year old (assuming closer to one than two?) to be awake. Maybe he's overtired and moving nap may help to tackle this?

You poor love OP. It will get better I promise.

I have to disagree that putting baby to bed later makes them lie in longer though. We used to have our daughter getting up at 5-5.30 am ALL the time, up to about 3 y.o! (we put her to bed at 6.30pm as she was very tired by then.) We got suggestions to make her stay awake til 9pm-ish, but she still got up at 5am, she was just more crabby and whiny during the day because she was extra tired!!

Not many suggestions really. Just wait it out!

Hi OP, white noise? My baby does 7:15-6:45, has a pitch black room with heart beat white noise and a small muslin comforter. She has a lunchtime nap but nothing from around 2pm til bedtime

She naps in her room too to replicate how she sleeps at night. Hope it gets bettet soon and a huge well done on leaving you ex

I'd bring baby into bed at 4.30am keeping everything dark and silent. Snuggle up or give a bottle even if you're there for an hour he'll probably go back to sleep. Reset his waking clock.

Another options is to cut the 9am nap right back to 20 mins, and then try another nap after lunch for an hour and a half (ish). Hopefully then he wil be able to get through to a later bedtime without being so grumpy and then sleep better at night. Maybe aim for a 7:45 pm bedtime so that you can then do bedtime with your older son

Another recommendation for Andrea Grace. She got my almost 3 year old to sleep all night for the first time EVER within a couple of days. Several years later, the night time waking has never returned.

Hi thanks again for the replies.

I have tried pushing back the nap, I have tried both earlier and later bedtimes. I tried a later bedtime for 2 weeks, it was hellish but kept at it and it still made no difference. This is my second child so I have sleep trained before, just baffled why nothing is working this time

LaCuerbiatta the only reason I put him to bed so early is because he won't nap in the afternoon, so he is having a 7/8hour chunk of awake time.

Fridge He turned exactly 12 months 2 weeks ago.So just one

Serialweight I think that may be my next attempt, as everything I try the later bedtime it is a disaster. He must be exhausted.Only 12 months old, 10 hours at night is great but early start and then about an 8 hour awake time :-/

Thanks for the Andrea Grace recommendations, will check her out!

He is going to bed too early I think.

Try moving his nap to 11/12 (maybe straight after an early lunch), and then putting him to bed at 8 pm. Hopefully, after a few grizzly days this will result in a later wake-up...

Thank u awaywith the pixies user ineedwine xxxx

4.30 is a nightmare and you can change that.
Try changing his nap time to after lunch time. So its at 12/1230 ish and then put him in bed at 8/830 pm. Dont do it just for one day, persevere and do it for 10 days so he gets into the spring of things. Some days it might be hard ( keeping him up in the morning, still getting some 4am wake ups) but it might change his pattern slightly.

Best of luck!!

I would definitely move the nap later - after lunch, 12/12.30. Bedtime a little later too, though 7/7.30 is fine for a baby bedtime. Treat any waking before 6am as if it were midnight.