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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strangers giving my DC biscuits

123 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 22/07/2017 07:16

We (toddler, baby and me) frequent a cafe that is also popular with ladies in their 50s/60s who seem obsessed with offering my toddler biscuits.

Now I welcome the fact that they seem to be charmed by the toddler, and any day where he's happily chatting with a cafe lady whilst I feed the baby (rather than him badgering me, whining, throwing a tantrum or whatever) counts as a win. If he ends up eating biscuits then so be it.

But I am still a bit 'WTF?' that cafe ladies take it upon themselves to offer him biscuits either without asking me at all or only checking with me after they've waved it in front of his face (so I've got a choice of biscuit or tantrum).

Are the cafe ladies being U to feed him biscuits or am I being U to find their friendly gesture a bit annoying?

OP posts:
poppp · 22/07/2017 15:31

YANBU at all op. I don't get the whole 'ageist' comments. Generally speaking in my experience it is 'older' women who take more of an interest in little ones. Maybe they miss the baby days- who knows. But in my experience it is ladies over 60 who take an interest 9 times out of 10. It's weird to feed a stranger in a cafe so don't do it to other people's children. My little one has allergies and could end up in a very serious situation if he were to have a bite before I'd had a chance to grab it. It's fucking stupid and people should learn some boundaries.

DonkeyOil · 22/07/2017 15:44

quinoa surprise
mmm Grin

toosexyforyahshirt · 22/07/2017 15:54

What if he's gluten -intolerant?

Doesn't really exist* but then his mother can just say no thank you

*allergies do, absolutely. Intolerance is more a thing people have made up.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 22/07/2017 15:55

Wow this thread escalated quickly. Confused

Honeygate all over again.

Of course you should ask first.

A lady offering your child a biscuit if not harassment for heavens sake.

I generally find saying "thanks but its nearly his dinner time/he's had enough/I'll save that for later" suffices in real life.

gandalf456 · 22/07/2017 16:14

They should check really but i'm with those who say don't get your knickers in a twist over it

Frazzledmum123 · 22/07/2017 17:22

I have re read it toosexy and you are saying people shouldn't ask your permission because you don't own your child right? So it should be up to them to decide for themselves as you don't own them? How have I mis read that? I don't think I own my children but I do own parental responsibility for them including how they are fed, at the very least until they are able to have some concept of what you need to be healthy!
Just fwiw I don't think this is crime of the century and probably wouldn't say anything or get too upset but neither does it sound like the OP was, just mildly irritated as I would be

toosexyforyahshirt · 22/07/2017 17:24

Did I say you don't own them so nothing they do is anything to do with you? No, I didn't. I said people might not ask if they are allowed to give a biscuit as they don't think they have to, as you are not the god who can offer someone a bloody biscuit!

Seriously, when did we get to the point where grannies giving out a cookie was a problem for anyone?

lozzylizzy · 22/07/2017 17:27

I had an old man give my DD (3) a hard boiled sweet in Argos as he was having a little conversation with her. I didn't want to be rude so I accepted then ate it myself.

The stranger thing I say its ok to make conversation if you are with someone but never go away with anyone.

Bumdishcloths · 22/07/2017 18:22

The squash thing though Hmm

I would imagine children are offered squash as it's deemed more exciting than water and people like children to feel included and hydrated. It's not paraquat ffs. No one's tubefeeding your child with agent orange.

Crumbs1 · 22/07/2017 18:23

Trouble is a society where the media horror stories have resulted in a generation that trusts nobody - even perfectly innocent dotty, elderly but indulgent 50 year olds whose greatest sin is a caramel latte.
A real pity if we rear children to be distrustful and neurotic given most people are kind to children and people like Roy Whiting are in the minority. I've never heard of a child suffering abuse related to a kindly proffered biscuit - even in the Daily Mail.

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 22/07/2017 20:15

I'm not sure how we got to child abduction Confused.

The boiled sweet thing - fortunately the only times DS has been offered a boiled sweet it has been via me and I have either politely refused it or 'saved it for later'. I'd be properly pissed off if someone took it upon themselves to give him a major choking hazard to suck on.

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 22/07/2017 20:58

What's the supposed issue if not 'stranger danger'?

DonkeyOil · 22/07/2017 21:28

What's the supposed issue if not 'stranger danger'?

Sugary biscuit overload/strangers offering anything to a child directly without first okaying it with parent.

Crumbs1 · 22/07/2017 22:18

But parent was present and could intervene if they didn't like the idea - I think idea it's about sugar overload (one biscuit, really?) is disingenuous.

DonkeyOil · 22/07/2017 23:04

Well, you could infer from the op that both the biscuits themselves, and the unchecked proffering of them by the elderly ladies, are an issue.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 23/07/2017 06:52

What's the supposed issue if not 'stranger danger'?

Why is it stranger danger? The OP was there with the DC, it's highly unlikely in this situation that DC is going to get up and follow the lady who offered him a biscuit to the back of beyond.

I dont think stranger danger applies here.

lydiarose · 23/07/2017 07:12

Excellent post Kerri 😀

lydiarose · 23/07/2017 07:13

kurri

Natsku · 23/07/2017 07:40

They ought to ask first because of things like allergies but its a kind gesture and they mean well.

Doesn't often happen to us (DD isn't that adorable I suspect!) but once in a cafe the worker offered DD a free biscuit and I had to say no because she has coeliac disease, so then the lady came over to our table with an expensive GF muffin for DD! Definitely couldn't say no then, would have been very rude and DD was over the moon.

Natsku · 23/07/2017 07:42

allergies do, absolutely. Intolerance is more a thing people have made up

There's no such thing as a gluten allergy actually, its technically an intolerance.

lynmilne65 · 23/07/2017 16:03

I would and always ask !

lynmilne65 · 23/07/2017 16:16

O M G I am elderly lady Sad

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/07/2017 16:31

MrsDV. I honestly don't know how you didn't end up 'doing time' with utter twats you had to deal with when DD was ill/dying. You have the patience of a saint 😇

Your 'story' was relevant and it was utterly disgusting of that poster to say what she did. However, try not to take it personally, she hasn't limited her attitude to you, she shares it around Hmm

OP. It's only a biscuit, just enjoy living somewhere that children are seen as a delight and not a nuscience. If it's really that much of a problem, try going t other cafes, I've never once seen anyone in a cafe handing a child a biscuit, it's really not common.

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