Strangers giving my DC biscuits

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

We (toddler, baby and me) frequent a cafe that is also popular with ladies in their 50s/60s who seem obsessed with offering my toddler biscuits.

Now I welcome the fact that they seem to be charmed by the toddler, and any day where he's happily chatting with a cafe lady whilst I feed the baby (rather than him badgering me, whining, throwing a tantrum or whatever) counts as a win. If he ends up eating biscuits then so be it.

But I am still a bit 'WTF?' that cafe ladies take it upon themselves to offer him biscuits either without asking me at all or only checking with me after they've waved it in front of his face (so I've got a choice of biscuit or tantrum).

Are the cafe ladies being U to feed him biscuits or am I being U to find their friendly gesture a bit annoying?

There is no "according to mumsnet" it's different people on different threads.
And they aren't immune to critcism (see the endless MIL hate, they are all "old bags" and "silly old cows" to many). It's about having the sense to realise that you don't know everything just because you are younger than them, and you should have some tolerance, respect and interest in people older than you.

Are people in their 50s and 60s old ladies ?

I dont give out food to other people children without checking with parent & i tell my dm not accept food from people they dont know, they have friends who play out the front & then offer them what they have. But when i was a child, whenever we went in to our local pharmacy, the older ladies working in there always gave me & my brother a biscuit, im sure this irritated my mum at times but its such a lovely memory for me!! I think thats my point here, its creating a memorie ur child wont forget, all the times u went there ur child will remember & feel joy that those people took the time & effort each time. After having this memory, i wouldnt be concerned if we went some where local & this became a routine & if i did have a problem with it, i would politely mention it or limited my use of the place. They are just trying to be nice.

I think it's just the ladies who frequent the biscuit cafe.

I tell my dc**

I'm 49 today( yay me) ffs not one person has ever mentioned that next year I'll be old. I'm going to be an old lady biscuit thruster, hanging around old lady biscuit cafes destroying children's health.

I'd better get a bag like the Queen to keep the poisonous biscuits in.

It's a fucking biscuit. The worlds gone mad.

YANBU. Children should rightly be taught not to take sweets from strangers. Also, how do they know he doesn't have a medical condition which would prevent him from eating biscuits? As a Pp said, you should not offer food to other people's children and pets. People should also not go around touching babies when they don't know the parents, but that's another thread.

As an 'old lady' who can presumably do and say what I like, I might tell you to take your username advice knit! (But of course I wouldn't be so rude).

Oh, and by the way
I can't help myself, what with being old and all.

The OP wasn't suggesting they should all be hanged or saying she screams hysterically at anyone who offers one, just that she feels a bit irritated by it. I love how on here people read what they want and make wild assumptions. Obviously if she is grateful for someone temporarily distracting her child it must mean she ignores him normally and let's him run riot

I think everyone agrees it's meant as a nice thing but personally I agree it's irritating. I wouldn't say anything but when you teach your kid not to accept food from strangers it isn't helpful. I'm not strict at all with treats (probably should be more so) but it's frustrating enough when grandma does it 5 minutes before a meal but I let it go as it seems the OP does, doesn't mean the smile on my face isn't fake!
Oh and just because someone post on here about something that annoys them doesn't mean it's a huge drama or they aren't aware there are worse things in the world, it's just a bit of a vent! (Not aimed at you there poster whose child passed away, genuinely very sorry for your loss )

Also, how do they know he doesn't have a medical condition which would prevent him from eating biscuits?

Because the mother is right next to them and would say so?

People should also not go around touching babies when they don't know the parents, but that's another thread.

Please not.

Shelagh your DD may have been cute, but not biscuit cute like my DS

The biscuit waving types have been so lovely to us - a bit of toddler distraction is always very welcome, and someone memorably rallied to help when DS spilled a drink and I was mid feed.

Toddler's diet is atrocious btw, so I am certainly not precious about his biscuit consumption. I just find it surprising that people offer them to him without getting the nod from me first.

I just find it surprising that people offer them to him without getting the nod from me first

I suppose not everyone has caught up with the modern notion that you own the child and everything has to be ok'd with you first. As we can see from other threads, people are supposed to now ask permission to even look at other peoples children, never mind talk to them or offer them a biscuit.

😩

Toosexy seriously? I'm going to remember that today, I do not own my child so obviously they can do whatever they want, eat whatever they want, behave however they want. If someone complains about their behaviour I will of course remind them that I do not own the child so it's really not my responsibility!!

I often give a specific toddler on my morning route my apple when she asks as my breakfast is in a bento box at the top of my tote (her dad works near me, nod at reach other in recognition if we see each other around lunchtime).

for your DS

I have this where we live once a week my DC are all given a little bag of sweets of an old lady she goes out and buys them a pick'n'mix and waits for them outside her so when we pass she can give them to them. It's sweet the DC walk pass her house waving now 👋

Our old neighbour would call the older children over and give them sweets too.

A parent I sometimes walk to school with tries to give DD3 some sweets so she'll talk to her it's been three years and she won't take the sweets or talk to her on the school run but will talk to her if we bump into her she must be preparing for cliques

I have to add 10 minutes to every trip out I'm not even exaggerating DH finds it funny because antisocial and hate small talk but it's teaching the DC that the world is a lovely place if everyone talks to eachother even though it's a right pain at times

MaidenMotherCrone I've already passed that mythical milestone and I have yet to thrust a biscuit into any unknown child's hand, though I do have a 3 year old.
I can see it's sensible to ask in case of allergies or spoiling lunch. I'm less bothered about people trying to calm my children down by offering sweet foods (unless the person doing it is a regular carer) and more by those telling my children they are naughty and will get a smack. Average age you do that is probably about 80 though so I'm safe from morphing into that person any time soon.

Not ageist at all, the fact is that it's always been the 50+ who offer the squash and biscuits, because when they were the ones with the kids it was ok. No one younger has ever done that to us. My DH is in that older age range so I don't think of the over-50s as 'old' just an earlier generation with different ideas.

Our toddler DD has treats but they are treats, not a daily occurrence. I also think it's totally wrong to offer food to someone's child without checking with them first - I've had lollipops handed to her when she was barely 12 months by people who then think I'm really mean to take them off her straight away.

Early 80s = old lady

Mid 50s = not an old lady

YANBU they should at least ask you if he is allowed to have a biscuit, not just take it upon themselves.

I'm going to remember that today, I do not own my child so obviously they can do whatever they want, eat whatever they want, behave however they want

Is that what I said? Go on, check. Now have a little think and ask yourself why you are exaggerating and misrepresenting my post so much.

I get so sick of all the 'elderly women in their 50s/60s do this' crap on here.
So ageist and sexist - how dare people suggest that women become some sort of homogenous blobby mass when they hit 50.

I'm 57 - I had my children in the 1980's - we had heard of sugar Not Being a Brilliant Thing then you know, We didn't all feed our kids on sweets, biscuits and squash. What patronising bollocks - we did have brains back then. Cannot believe this shit that gets touted - that we are a generation who had no idea how to raise our children and everyone now is oh so superior.

As with every group of people - some Mums then fed kids on junk, some didn't. Just like now - when I travel on trains and buses the fast majority of snacks I see being fed to children are junk - crisps, biscuits, sweets, fruit shoots. It is a rare occurrence to see fruit, carrot sticks, rice cakes, quinoa surprise or whatever. But I wouldn't claim that the entire generation of younger mothers is feeding its kids on crap non stop.That would be ludicrous - just as ludicrous as suggesting that those of us in our fifties and sixties fed our kids on rubbish.

My children are now adults, neither has a single filling, both are kind , well mannered adults who were fed healthy food - guess what - I cooked things, they didn't exist on crispy pancakes. But if they were given a couple of fish fingers or a bit of frozen pizza at a friends house I didn't wet my knickers and shriek like they'd been fed rat poison. I was pleased someone had taken the trouble to cater for them.

Maybe those of us who raised our kids in prehistoric times had more manners and weren't so desperately precious about everything.

The odd biscuit won't do any lasting damage (extreme circumstances excepted - in which case refuse politely and explain) on the other hand, viewing the rude dismissal of people who are trying to be friendly and kind will be damaging and we will have a generation of children who think it is fine to be rude, to stereotype people, and to have no sympathy for anyone's feelings but their own.

What if he's gluten -intolerant?

Horrific!